To think Dog Owner was out of line?

[TheLancelotoftherevolutionaryset]

I’m still really upset by this four hours later and I can’t work out if it’s my fault or not.

Walking home with DC juggling an enormous unwieldy craft project they had made - think Blue Peter Tracey Island style affair. DC walking pretty sensibly, but my hands are full so they’re ahead of me not holding my hands.

Dog Owner (DO) comes into view heading towards us on a bike with dog running off lead. Dog starts veering towards us, ignoring calls of DO to come back. Both DC are very nervous of dogs and prone to jump/squeal if approached which I know makes things worse. I call to DC to stand still, be calm, it will be ok and catch up to them but feel a bit defenceless with my hands full. Stupidly, I have this instinct that as well as DC I also need to protect ‘Tracey Island’ so I don’t put it down.

Dog runs around us a bit, sniffs, DC are brave and still for a few seconds til DO has gotten off the bike and retrieved dog. DO says ‘sorry about that.’

I feel annoyed- this is not the first time an off lead dog has barrelled up to the DC on this road. And stressed, I don’t have use of my hands! I say, ‘if you’re sorry, the solution is to keep a dog that doesn’t respond on lead.’ DO says dog usually always comes when called. Maybe this is true; other owners have said the same- perhaps all these incidents are because my DC are irresistibly attractive to dogs?? (I didn’t say this!)

DC express some nerves moving around dog and DO but I reassure them and we continue on our way and move on to talking about other things. Suddenly I hear a noise and realise DO has followed us. DO wants to ‘resolve the issue.’ I say not necessary, you apologised, keep the dog on lead and it’s resolved. DO says what needs to be resolved is the needlessly aggressive way I handled the situation, I was wrong to speak as I did and it was an unpleasant encounter.

I was pretty shocked to be honest. I felt threatened to be followed, blamed for the encounter, judged for my reaction. DO was really pissed off. The onus is surely on the owner to control the dog, not on us to be comfortable with any and all dogs approaching? I also don’t think I was aggressive, though I was clearly unimpressed and didn’t hide it, and so that may well have seemed ‘rude’, although I think it was justified.

AIBU to think it was DO who was out of line?

What did you say to the DO?

I’m surprised dog was off lead unless it was down a country lane. Not many dogs are off lead on regular roads.

I suspect if the dog owner was telling the truth about the dog usually coming when called they would be mortified about the dog failing to do so on that one occasion.
I think they were being manipulative and refusing to take responsibility in the way they spoke to you.

I'm a dog owner and if one of my dogs had done this i would've apologised profusely, put back on lead and carried on my way. Wanting to carry on the 'discussion' seems unnecessary and intimidating imo. Dog owner was right in that yes, sometimes even a well trained, good recall dog will find something interesting & just bugger off, no dog is 'bomb proof', but as the owner the onus is very much on us to anticipate and deal with, and accept that some people aren't keen on dogs & may be terse if they feel bothered or anxious.
YANBU OP and sorry you met an arse.

@Riverlee as per my OP I said if DO was sorry, the answer was to keep dog on lead.

I think my perspective is coloured because we have been approached by off lead dogs before and the owner is usually ‘sorry about that’. In our family ‘sorry’ means that you will at least try to fix the behaviour, not just that you feel a bit bad.

Anyone riding on a bike with a dog off lead is a problem 99% of the time. The dog would need to be impeccably trained and I’ve never seen a dog/bike rider combo that isn’t a shambles.

YANBU to be annoyed OP. Maybe his dog does usually come, but it didn’t. You’re allowed to be a bit frustrated and it’s really weird he followed you to resolve aka get the last word in.

I say this as someone who’s dog is well trained and approached a leashed dog today and I was mortified. I said the exact same “I am so sorry, she never does this” and he told me it was fine. But it isn’t and I would not have blamed them if they were pissed off.

It wasn’t your fault. You had a right to be annoyed. Your child could have been really terrified of dogs or even worse, highly allergic. Dog should have been on lead, owner shouldn’t have been on bike. Stupid on both counts. Another entitled dog owner. Do not feel bad!

As usual super entitled with their weapons no care for anyone. No surprises there.

If the dog owner was a man then I dare say I know exactly what was going on there.

You were being perfectly reasonable - you got a fright, and most of us act slightly differently in that situation to how we would in a business meeting!

But the dog owner clearly felt disrespected and wasn’t going to put up with that from a woman. Just my opinion.

Thanks @airforsharon you sound lovely. Pretty sure if we’d bumped into you and your dog it would have been one of those encounters that are gradually getting my DC past their fear.

You did nothing wrong OP. I can see why you're so upset. 💐

You were not and will never be in the wrong.
jesus- this is what pisses me off about dog owners (I am one and always have been!)
Legally- dogs are not allowed off the lead unless they have perfect recall in most public places in the U.K.
Most owners don’t quite understand what perfect recall is- that’s the problem. I have trained my dogs (past and present) and they haven’t had perfect recall- therefore- never off the lead.
Some breeds are better than others- but it annoys me so much when some people aimlessly call their dogs in the hope that they come back to them (or because one day, in their garden, they came back- so they think that’s recall!) Don’t feel bad. Stupid people just don’t seem to understand!

I had two toddlers knocked flat on their backs and jumped on while they were on the ground the other day. Dog owner didn't even say sorry. I'm sick of dogs taking precedence over humans.

Some dog owners are just so entitled. He clearly thought he could intimidate you op. Honestly I would be annoyed still too, and you would be absolutely fed up of people with dogs they can’t control. Perhaps this was a one off but I doubt it, and regardless it’s his responsibility not yours anyway! Aside from the fact it bothered you, sure the dog could have caused an accident being off lead beside a bike if it had ran in front of a car ect🤷🏼‍♀️

Dog owners who let their dogs off the lead and then say “oh they’re never usually like this” or “don’t worry they’re friendly” are the worst. I love dogs but I still get nervous around them off leads - you are completely in the right and they should apologise and wise up and keep their dog on a lead.

100% my dog has perfect recall if;

he thinks he gets something out of it
isn't distracted by a falling leaf, something else that interests him
a cat isn’t about
or he can be arsed

loads of training, rigid routines, professional and vet help. He is still a little scumb bag 50% of the time.

Always on a lead, he is a dog, an animal - not a person. His rights will never trump another humans and would never want to inconvenience a person because he is an unpredictable little (lovable by me) hooligan

@Penguinmouse yes! We often hear ‘Don’t worry he’s not afraid of children!’ Winds me right up. I do handle myself better when I have my hands free but even better again when the dog owner is fully in control.

Some people get very defensive when you point out what they've done is wrong. He is clearly one of those.

Even though he knows he's in the wrong (cannot control his dog), he wants you to feel bad too and the only way he can do that is by making you admit to reacting badly.

Classic bell-end behaviour.

This. didn't like being called out on their lack of control over their dog and subsequently being in the wrong so tried to turn it back on you. Defensive and entitled. IMO you did nothing wrong.

I've been in this situation many times but instead of children I have my dogs on leads. They also are nervous of unknown dogs.

Every bloody dog owner with off lead dogs seems unable to call them back. One answer - keep them on the lead!

So, you are in the right and the DO is not.

I’m a child psychologist and have seen kids in the clinic for dog phobia following way less traumatic experiences than that. How horrible. Hopefully your kids were fine, but it makes me mad how entitled some dog owners are.

Are your toddlers ok @daffodilandtulip? That’s pretty outrageous.

I once had a picnic ruined and a friendship lost because some twerp had an off lead dog by a playground and threw a ball over our blanket. That dog barrelled through our food, sent it flying and narrowly missed the toddlers and baby. ‘Sorry about that’ was all we got, and then a suggestion that if we didn’t like it we should ‘go home’. I’m white British; friend was not.

It’s getting out of hand, there are so many irresponsible owners now.

At the shop last week I saw a man pull into a p&c space, get out with his dog and take it off lead through a children’s play area. It’s exactly the kind of entitlement I have come to expect from a large majority of dog owners at this point.

A few months ago I got shouted at for being rude for asking someone to put his dogs on a lead as they were running at my terrified son. It’s our fault they were barking because they were scared of my sons umbrella.

@TheLancelotoftherevolutionaryset ah thanks, luckily it was grassy area (in a nature reserve) so they were very muddy but fine. They just scream everytime a dog comes near them now. It was only a week or so ago so hopefully they'll forget ... but that's not the point.

@sqirrelfriends oh yes, don't you know it's always the child's fault?! Especially when it's just a friendly off lead dog just wanting to say hello directly at eye level...

Yanbu OP and I am so bloody fed up of entitled dog owners. I've always liked dogs, but virtually every week we have some kind if "experience" with an off lead/poorly controlled mut and I am sick to the back teeth of it.