To think Dog Owner was out of line?

[TheLancelotoftherevolutionaryset]

I’m still really upset by this four hours later and I can’t work out if it’s my fault or not.

Walking home with DC juggling an enormous unwieldy craft project they had made - think Blue Peter Tracey Island style affair. DC walking pretty sensibly, but my hands are full so they’re ahead of me not holding my hands.

Dog Owner (DO) comes into view heading towards us on a bike with dog running off lead. Dog starts veering towards us, ignoring calls of DO to come back. Both DC are very nervous of dogs and prone to jump/squeal if approached which I know makes things worse. I call to DC to stand still, be calm, it will be ok and catch up to them but feel a bit defenceless with my hands full. Stupidly, I have this instinct that as well as DC I also need to protect ‘Tracey Island’ so I don’t put it down.

Dog runs around us a bit, sniffs, DC are brave and still for a few seconds til DO has gotten off the bike and retrieved dog. DO says ‘sorry about that.’

I feel annoyed- this is not the first time an off lead dog has barrelled up to the DC on this road. And stressed, I don’t have use of my hands! I say, ‘if you’re sorry, the solution is to keep a dog that doesn’t respond on lead.’ DO says dog usually always comes when called. Maybe this is true; other owners have said the same- perhaps all these incidents are because my DC are irresistibly attractive to dogs?? (I didn’t say this!)

DC express some nerves moving around dog and DO but I reassure them and we continue on our way and move on to talking about other things. Suddenly I hear a noise and realise DO has followed us. DO wants to ‘resolve the issue.’ I say not necessary, you apologised, keep the dog on lead and it’s resolved. DO says what needs to be resolved is the needlessly aggressive way I handled the situation, I was wrong to speak as I did and it was an unpleasant encounter.

I was pretty shocked to be honest. I felt threatened to be followed, blamed for the encounter, judged for my reaction. DO was really pissed off. The onus is surely on the owner to control the dog, not on us to be comfortable with any and all dogs approaching? I also don’t think I was aggressive, though I was clearly unimpressed and didn’t hide it, and so that may well have seemed ‘rude’, although I think it was justified.

AIBU to think it was DO who was out of line?

Dog owner was out of order. Idiotic to run a dog on country roads whilst cycling. It works the dog up into a frenzy and is asking for problem either with pedestrians (dog wins) or car (dog will never win). Good way to loose a dog. Totally unfair on dog and pedestrians.

I think you were needlessly aggressive. Nothing happened. You overreacted, made a fuss. The dog owner should have just let you behave badly and gone about their business. They should not have followed you.

Yeah cos dogs are more important than an anxious child aren’t they? 🙄

“Let you behave badly” righto 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Of course you weren't being unreasonable. DO shouldn't have had his dog off lead in this situation unless 100% with recall. The fact he was on his bike (so not really in a position to properly recall and leash his dog) and ineffectually calling it makes me think he feels his bike ride trumps your right to walk with your dc. You were right (and brave) to call him out on his lackadaisical behaviour.

The dog didn't do anything to the child. It just continued running. It didn't approach the child, touch the child, bark at the child. What's the problem?

You are not being unreasonable, the dog should be on a lead.

And I speak as a dog owner. Two dogs who I always recall and put on lead whenever I see a person/child/on lead dog in the distance.

Is overreacting the same as aggression? I wouldn’t have tended to think so. I think I might be willing to say I overreacted -I suppose the dog didn’t do anything as such - but I didn’t know how it would go. I have conceded it probably came across as rude. But I’m really struggling to see aggressive.

Thanks for all the kind messages- it has been very reassuring to feel understood.

I hit yabu but only by mistake I meant to hit yanbu!

I think you were reasonable to call them out, they were massively unreasonable to follow you etc of course that would have come across intimidating from someone you don't know and especially with your dc present.

I have a very high energy dog and his recall is pretty much bullet proof, he's trained to come to heel immediately and ignores other people and dogs completely when we're out. I've had one instance in the last 2 years where we were out walking very early when few people were around and it was his first time off lead after 2 weeks of bed rest and being on lead for short gentle walks after an injury and he saw an open green and just ran in circles and ran up to a child who naturally just saw a big dog running up and screamed. Dog immediately came back to me when called, was told off sternly and leashed for the rest of the walk. I apologised to the mother and child and felt awful about it. I know my dog is very well socialised and super friendly but they don't- why would they. I know his behaviour was very much a one off due to his injury but I didn't feel the need to follow them and try to justify it.

Even the most excellently trained dogs can have a bad day or an impulsive moment. To me it doesn't mean they should only be walked on lead because some dogs aren't bred for that. But as owners we need to be accountable and the road you were walking on doesn't sound suitable for off lead walking anyway.

You were being protective of your child. As would I have been if an unknown dog approached them. There's nothing wrong with that. There's been a lot of highlighting dog attacks on the news etc recently as well so I know it's more at the forefront of my mind when I'm out walking.

Even as a dog lover and even when alone without my dogs out and about I despise dogs who come and sniff and jump especially large ones, I myself have no issue with it and them doing it to me but a child is just going to see that as intimidating if they’re at all scared same as parent if parent is fearful so they logical thing and safest thing is to put your dog on lead. I’m sure there’s a lead suitable for cycling alongside so there’s no excuse when it causes unnecessary interaction and stress for everyone involved not to

I have a idiot friend who has a 6 month old puppy (wasted £600 on it when he complains about not being able to pay his mortgage...go figure) and he always has it off lead. It's totally untrained and he's always shouting at it because it tries to hump him ... I keep telling him it needs obedience lessons and to be neutered so it calms the fuck down but he won't do either.

He then wonders why I'm refusing to meet the damn thing. I hate dogs anyway and keep reminding him that owners like him are why.

You picked a fight.

You got a fight.

Not the choice I would have made if my hands were full and I had my kids with me, but if you prioritise being right over being safe, yes you were 'right' that keeping his dog on a lead is a good idea.

Yes, it’s a dilemma.

I was walking along a country path and a rather large dog launched itself at my back. Taken unawares I was lucky to stay upright.
Like you say I completely ignored it had happened. The dog owner was shouting sorry and racing around like a madman trying to catch his dog.

I thought it best to ignore as experience has taught me to keep well away from unpredictable people.

you can’t change people like that dog owner, all you can do is give them an extremely wide berth.

Nah, they were a nobhead. Why - doesn't really matter, maybe their dog has never done that before and they felt mortified then defensive ... maybe they are always a nobhead. They were in that moment, still a nobhead.

You were pissy, snarky and passive aggressive. He shouldn't have followed you but can see why he thought it was an unpleasant encounter.

YANBU.

I know we’re all supposed to just wait patiently while dogs jump around us, and accept the half hearted apologies “ha ha, sorry, he just wants to play, he’s more likely to lick you to death than bite you, ha ha, isn’t my dog sweet” etc, but how will these idiots learn if they’re not told? And why should we just put up and shut up anyway? Aren’t we allowed to criticise bad behaviour?

Also I’ve lost count of the number of dogs who ALWAYS come back when called, except on the occasion they’re jumping up at someone. Bizarrely that’s the only time ever in their whole lives they don’t come back when called. Strange.

YANBU
As a dog owner; 99% of the time if a DO says "oh my dog has never done that before" they absolutely have.
My dog is a pain in the arse, she's scared of everyone and everything and occasionally has fear aggression.
She's never on a long line, she never gets let off her short lead unless it's absolutely safe to do so (and I'm talking up a mountain where there's nobody to be seen for miles inc sheep).
She gets exercised well enough to not have to be off roaming.
She's a dog from an Eastern European country so she's got quite a few issues.
However other DOs that I know who's dogs have impeccable manners are on a short lead around the general public as it's the law!

I thought dogs had to be on the lead when on the road, mine always is. People should not have dogs running when they on a bike, as they cannot control them. It is generally men who do this.

This.

YANBU

DO was out of order to follow you and prolong the situation causing distress to your children

He (I'm going to assume he) was in the wrong, didn't like being told and tried to turn it around on you. Very unpleasant.

Yes he apologised but you are not required to accept the apology just to appease him. He needs to live with the fact that someone is angry with his behaviour because he was in the wrong.

My large rescue dog doesn't get to go off lead apart from in highly selected situations with no other people or dogs. I have tried very hard to train him and he knows the recall command but he sometimes chooses to ignore it. I have resigned myself that he is never going to be reliable enough to be let off and he seems largely happy enough with the long line.

I will admit we had a few embarrassing incidents where he ran (full pelt across a field!) to other dogs and ignored me and 2 incidents where he took against a male walker/ jogger and ran around them barking. I was hugely embarrassed and apologetic and I 100 percent knew it was my failure and would have accepted any anger I got back. I then changed my behaviour and stopped letting the dog off lead.

I had a lady shout at me quite aggressively the other day 'keep that dog on a lead' when he WAS on a lead and I had not the slightest intention of letting him off. Now that was unfair. I still didn't follow her and try to 'resolve' the situation (AKA get her to admit I am right).

An out of control\not responding to recall dog is an unpleasant experience for everyone but DOs do tend to play them down as they know the dog should be on a lead (I have a friend who keeps over indulging her dog like this).

and if you were a man I suspect he would not have followed you to ‘discuss’.