To think Dog Owner was out of line?

[TheLancelotoftherevolutionaryset]

I’m still really upset by this four hours later and I can’t work out if it’s my fault or not.

Walking home with DC juggling an enormous unwieldy craft project they had made - think Blue Peter Tracey Island style affair. DC walking pretty sensibly, but my hands are full so they’re ahead of me not holding my hands.

Dog Owner (DO) comes into view heading towards us on a bike with dog running off lead. Dog starts veering towards us, ignoring calls of DO to come back. Both DC are very nervous of dogs and prone to jump/squeal if approached which I know makes things worse. I call to DC to stand still, be calm, it will be ok and catch up to them but feel a bit defenceless with my hands full. Stupidly, I have this instinct that as well as DC I also need to protect ‘Tracey Island’ so I don’t put it down.

Dog runs around us a bit, sniffs, DC are brave and still for a few seconds til DO has gotten off the bike and retrieved dog. DO says ‘sorry about that.’

I feel annoyed- this is not the first time an off lead dog has barrelled up to the DC on this road. And stressed, I don’t have use of my hands! I say, ‘if you’re sorry, the solution is to keep a dog that doesn’t respond on lead.’ DO says dog usually always comes when called. Maybe this is true; other owners have said the same- perhaps all these incidents are because my DC are irresistibly attractive to dogs?? (I didn’t say this!)

DC express some nerves moving around dog and DO but I reassure them and we continue on our way and move on to talking about other things. Suddenly I hear a noise and realise DO has followed us. DO wants to ‘resolve the issue.’ I say not necessary, you apologised, keep the dog on lead and it’s resolved. DO says what needs to be resolved is the needlessly aggressive way I handled the situation, I was wrong to speak as I did and it was an unpleasant encounter.

I was pretty shocked to be honest. I felt threatened to be followed, blamed for the encounter, judged for my reaction. DO was really pissed off. The onus is surely on the owner to control the dog, not on us to be comfortable with any and all dogs approaching? I also don’t think I was aggressive, though I was clearly unimpressed and didn’t hide it, and so that may well have seemed ‘rude’, although I think it was justified.

AIBU to think it was DO who was out of line?

Oh, poor things @daffodilandtulip. It probably will fade over time but you’re right it’s not the point.

My mum got told to go home by a dog owner too, apparently the field is just for dogs and their owners, not humans.

I would say, every other time we go to that particular field there is an issue with a dog, either no recall, shit or no owner in site. Not to mention that for a large portion of the year we have protected ground nesting birds which the majority of owners don’t seem to give a hoot about.

Yeah it’s so lovely when their face ripping maw is within striking distance. 💕

IM going to disagree with everyone here. The dog owner said sorry. You returned with an snide remark.
You could have just said "no problem, my kids are a little nervous of dogs is all"

You made me laugh with your bike comment @Onabench, 100% agree. You sound lovely too. Honestly the casualness or seriousness of the apology makes a big difference too- I guess it shows a lot about intent.

We had one blame us for taking our 8yo into the local nature reserve "dog walking woods". Our 8yo was crying after being winded because the dog had jumped up digging into his abdomen. DH was involved in that one so that one was in general dickwad mode.

I've had one woman accuse me of "scaring" her labrador because I told it to get down firmly after it slathered mud all over me. She still didn't rush to put it on a lead before I firmly requested her to.

I have been known to respond to "it's ok, he's friendly" with "my children aren't".
Mind you, it's not surprising that these "owners" are so bloody ineffectual when they can't even recognise obvious body language and emotions of their own species.

No I don't hate dogs. Just the 10% of useless owners that blight public spaces for everyone else.

@missmollygreen - ok, I guess maybe it came off snide. I’m not quite sure if I know what snide is? I usually think rude/sarcastic? My remark was definitely disapproving, and I wasn’t really accepting the apology I suppose, but I meant what I said.

But the thing is, I didn’t find the apology sincere (I may have misinterpreted that though) and it was a problem. Curious what I could have said better to express that?

I’m a dog owner and I would love it if dogs had to be on leads in nature reserves and woodlands. I would love to be able to go on a nice relaxing walk without having to worry about other dogs coming up to us. Most of the time it’s fine of course but you just never know. I got told off by a DO the other day for screaming (I’m autistic -it’s automatic).

The do was not sorry at all and molly clearly thinks dogs and their owners trump kids and other adults.

Oh I’m sorry @DelightfullyDotty, that’s unfair. The other DO shouldn’t make it your problem.

You were perfectly reasonable OP.

I say this as someone who’s got a juvenile Labrador - and I have absolutely worked my arse off to make sure she is impeccably behaved, and is, as a result, off the lead 90% of the time, as I’m absolutely comfortable that I have her under control. That said, if we’d met you in your situation, she would have been called in to heel under close control, and if she was in ANY way disengaged she would go straight on the lead. Any other dog on a lead? Again, she goes straight on a lead until we have passed as a courtesy. None of this ‘don’t worry she’s friendly’ shite.

I mention this as it’s constantly commented on how well behaved she is, almost like it’s a surprise. I say this not as a stealth boast, but because as far as I’m concerned, this should be the minimum, and it’s not bloody rocket science. I don’t understand how it’s become acceptable for dogs to be poorly trained and off the lead.

And people can argue all they like about ‘oh well it’s because she’s a lab, she’s easy to train..’ - so what? If you can’t train your dog, KEEP IT ON A BLOODY LEAD and don’t make me deal with your training issues! I had a crossbreed bolt across a bloody road to come and say hello to my dog the other day, and the owner casually ambled over despite the fact she had literally stopped traffic… I really can’t recall things ever being as bad as they are now since all the pandemic puppies…

But it IS a problem?!

I'm finding that most dog owners aren't bothering to train their dogs these days. Most of them can't even walk on a lead properly judging by the amount of owners I see being dragged along. It's a problem we all have to cope with as they insist on inflicting their fur babies on all and sundry.

I think the issue is that many people, DOs in particular, feel sorry for a dog on a lead, and will find any excuse to take them off-lead.

You were not unreasonable. A dog with poor recall should be consistently on-lead in public.

I do genuinely want to know though, if there was a more acceptable way to express that it was a problem? Maybe, even though DO was in the wrong, I made poor choices too? I feel like that at the moment, though perhaps that’s just adrenaline and overthinking after being followed.

It's obviously the dog owners fault that he was not in control of his dog. That said, I probably would've just accepted the apology or said nothing at all and moved on if I didn't want the conversation to continue.

If someone is walking down the street on their phone and bumps into you, and apologises, but you say "if you're sorry, the solution is to look where you're going" then I would anticipate some kind of retort.

Hopefully the DO found the encounter unpleasant enough that they will think more carefully next time about controlling their dog.

Was just gonna write exactly this about our dog!!
Bloody perfect when training, but the minute something is more exciting than me (Everything!! ) and he's 100% unpredictable! Always on lead unless in the dog park.

@SpringboksSocks would you mind if I ask if you can recommend how to treat an adult with a severe fear of dogs? I had repeated difficult experiences with a family member's dog growing up and I'm terrified of all dogs, no matter their size or nature. I've tried hypnotherapy to little avail.

Yanbu dog should be on a lead if it won't come back.

I can guarantee 100% that the DO would not have followed a man and demanded To “resolve the issue”. Prick.

@missmollygreen the thing is there there was a problem so why should the OP just let Mr Cool off? It needed to be nailed down as a problem. I've had dogs all my life, one particularly dog reactive GSD who was constantly being approached and hassled by other so-called friendly mutts. In the end he decided to react first which pretty much ruined both our lives. I am now much older and only have a small terrier and honestly am scared shitless at times due to pathetic arses on their phones with their dogs roaming the fields at will under no control. It should be illegal to have dogs offlead.

The dog owner didn’t have control over their dog. They weren’t running after the dog because it had gotten loose and they were trying to catch it. They knowingly created a situation where they did not have control.

that tells you that dog owner is not a reasonable or decent person. That they did not respond well to being called out for their own poor choices is hardly surprising.

I think you were a bit rude, although I understand why, I understand why the DO would have been frustrated too....but he should have left it there.

My sister, and NY youngest were both scared of dogs. We had many encounters with dogs running up and jumping all over them, yapping etc. It really annoyed me. Especially when DO did nothing stop it (extending leads not be used to control the dog!)

But I also know that perfect recall is not possible for many, and dogs on leads all the time is not practical. And the dog only sniffed around, didn't jump or bark or make contact.

I absolutely bellowed at a woman whose dogs appeared next to me in a field one day and suddenly - and it really was with no warning - one attacked my spaniel. She was nowhere to be seen while i tried to drag her dog off and body block my dog - when she finally appeared i started yellling so loudly i surprised myself. She got her dog under control (thankfully her other dog hadn't joined in) and was very upset and apologetic. I ended up apologising for shouting 😄 because i v rarely get angry, but i was so frightened and the adrenaline kicked in - she said it was quite understandable and was obviously shocked herself.

So ok, DO might not have liked your 'tone' but them's the breaks when your dog gives someone a fright. Don't give it any more thought OP

I thought the same. Lots of men react very aggressively when a woman challenges their world view, even in a nice way. Wankers. Off lead dog and bike says he’s a triple wanker.