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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not join the PTA

106 replies

StarsInTheirLies · 04/10/2023 20:06

DH is annoyed I didn't go to the "join the" PTA meeting last nighy (new parents in reception) saying was a good opportunity for me to meet other mums and be part of school life

I work longer hours than him and do all mental load already. I do agree I'm not very involved in school life and don't know many mums and I feel sad about that but I just don't think I have the time

Have other people found the PTA a great way to meet other people and contribute to the school? Do people recommend prioritising it?

OP posts:
TookTheBook · 04/10/2023 20:07

I assume he went?

PollyPeep · 04/10/2023 20:07

Why didn't he join the PTA meeting last night?

Ostryga · 04/10/2023 20:08

Why isn’t he joining then??

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 04/10/2023 20:08

Why would you be joining if he is joining?

Original poster
StarsInTheirLies · 04/10/2023 20:14

I did say "you could have gone" and laughed it off. Said it was "for me". I do half agree with him I would benefit from it I guess but I'm barely keeping my shit together as it is

OP posts:
jerkchicken · 04/10/2023 20:16

If he feels that strongly about it, he can bloody well join himself! Honestly 🙄

There are lots of dads on the PTA of my children’s school and they seem to really enjoy it.

Marblessolveeverything · 04/10/2023 20:17

And he isn't joining because.......

NeedToChangeName · 04/10/2023 20:18

I made several good friends through it

Join or don't, entirely your choice

But, if / when they ask for volunteers to help at an event, please do step up to help, bearing in mind that many PTA parents are also busy

TulipsTulipTulips · 04/10/2023 20:18

Do you particularly particularly want to make parent friends? That’s the only reason I can think of for him to say that, other than misogyny.

notanotherclairebear · 04/10/2023 20:18

I help out with the PTA on a casual basis. At our school, being chair or involved with the finances in any way seems extremely time consuming. Events involve loads of prep, rallying together enough volunteers to help out and, quite often it seems, picking up the slack themselves. It seems like a lot of commitment just to make one or two friends - you'll just as easily start speaking to other parents once the endless birthday parties start

Blobblobblob · 04/10/2023 20:19

Is he having a laugh?

All school related things are magically possible to cram into a packed diary when you have a vagina.

Don't let the casual sexism from this muppet add to your workload.

AbitSceptical · 04/10/2023 20:20

It is a good idea to try to get to know the parents of your kids friends. It’s Nice to know someone local to have a coffee with / share lifts to and from parties / activities.

But not the PTA. That’s a massive time suck and no guarantee they’ll become ‘friends’ anyway.

just do the school pick up once a week and make an effort to talk to people.

Bruisername · 04/10/2023 20:20

Yes you can meet people and I enjoyed my time volunteering on a PTA but it is not a male free zone. My husband helped me out as much as he could but he works more hours than me.

It’s a bit pathetic he can’t involve himself more in his children’s life and expects you to do it all

soundsys · 04/10/2023 20:20

Ha maybe you're at my school - our meeting was last night as well!

To be honest the meetings aren't really the place to make friends and we do have dads as well as mums! Helping out with ad-hoc events and joining the WhatsApp group is a great way to get involved with less pressure though.

SnapdragonToadflax · 04/10/2023 20:22

And it's not for him because...? He lacks a vagina? 🙄

I work almost full time and have no intention of joining. I'm sure I'll meet people at birthday parties. I'd be useless anyway, because I have no free time.

AnniSparkles · 04/10/2023 20:23

I am outraged he could even think the PTA was just "for you". He should have been so much more supportive and understanding of your feelings.

Bruisername · 04/10/2023 20:24

What does he think the ‘P’ stands for!

WhileMyDishwasherGentlyWeeps · 04/10/2023 20:29

My experience of school PTAs and class reps was that they are the most thankless and useless things you could ever possibly do.

Depends on the school I suppose, but my general advice would be to treat any sort of formal parent role at a school like volunteering to be the toffee penny in the pick and mix: you’ll get absolutely no respect or kindness and you’ll be put upon and complained about.

It’s not a way to make friends or contacts.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 04/10/2023 20:34

YANBU. I joined for a while when my dc were in primary. It was the most thankless, tedious thing ever. The meetings were pointlessly and ramblingly long.

RaisinsOfMildAnnoyance · 04/10/2023 20:34

No chance in hell I'm joining the PTA when I'm already snowed under by family obligations.

AHobbyaweek · 04/10/2023 20:35

I am on the PTA and we have dads on it. 100% you shouldn't have gone because you were told by your OH and if you want the. Great but he is also welcome and I don't get what he thinks should be your job vs his.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/10/2023 20:37

He's a parent, of course it's for him too.

He just think it's your job because you have a vagina which I'd absolutely be correcting him on.

AHobbyaweek · 04/10/2023 20:37

Also I find it extremely time consuming. Stressed out again today as work full time in a full on job and was expected to answer WhatsApp messages all day (102 once I finished work) and I can't. I manage it in evenings but still crazy hard

DisforDarkChocolate · 04/10/2023 20:38

Is he planning on you bring so busy he can 'justify' and affair?

IAmHeartless · 04/10/2023 20:38

Sexist much!

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