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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This mum just blocked my toddler from approaching hers

413 replies

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 14:17

was in town today walking through M&S , with my 3 yr old.
We had just bought toys in the previous shop so he was out of pram and walking with his new toys in his hands and was excited about them.
Walking parallel to us was also a mum with toddler (around two)
My son approached him from the side and started walking directly next to him showing him his toys whilst they were both walking , the child smiled in response and didn't appear to seem at unease, however the mum swiftly stopped and put her arm out in front of my son blocked him between her arm and a Column so that he couldn't go any further and then she said ' excuse me ' as if for him to back away.
He turned to face me and I swooped him up and said ' he's only a toddler'
To which she didn't respond, she carried on walking and I changed direction.
I was left feeling quite sad for my son
I just wanted other mum's opinions on this . Was I in the wrong for letting my child approach hers , I guess everyone is entitled to their personal space. However I never anticipated that reaction it just seemed like a mean thing to do , and I'm always very welcoming to other kids that approach us

OP posts:
Catastrophejane · 04/10/2023 18:07

@Psychonabike you make a good point, but I’d question whether everyone who is rude purely to be unpleasant to other people is a sociopath.

Lots of people are just dicks. We don’t need to pathologise ( though if we do, there’s a number of personality disorders it could be that’s not sociopathy!)

what gets me is the posters saying they don’t go to supermarkets to make friends! Don’t think anyone does, but people can socially interact outside soft play ffs!

superficial social interactions are actually good for people’s mental health- it’s makes people feel connected to their community.

but obviously here on MN - the worst thing you can do to someone is to make eye contact or smile at someone in a supermarket!

PandaExpress · 04/10/2023 18:13

You and your toddler did nothing wrong. She's a rude mother.
The only way I'd have ever done what she did, is if your toddler had a snotty nose and was coughing. Because that used to drive me crackers when mine were young. So many snotty faced kids and their parents not even caring that others don't want to catch their colds.
Don't stop your toddler being friendly to other kids. 99% of people would smile and let the kids have a nice little interaction.

Original poster
Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 18:14

One bit of context I missed out from the original post - 3 yr old is on pathway for Autism diagnoses , is non verbal and not much 'recall' when I call his name.
I was standing about 2 metres behind trying to catch up with the pram when he was walking alongside the other child

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 04/10/2023 18:14

Catastrophejane · 04/10/2023 18:07

@Psychonabike you make a good point, but I’d question whether everyone who is rude purely to be unpleasant to other people is a sociopath.

Lots of people are just dicks. We don’t need to pathologise ( though if we do, there’s a number of personality disorders it could be that’s not sociopathy!)

what gets me is the posters saying they don’t go to supermarkets to make friends! Don’t think anyone does, but people can socially interact outside soft play ffs!

superficial social interactions are actually good for people’s mental health- it’s makes people feel connected to their community.

but obviously here on MN - the worst thing you can do to someone is to make eye contact or smile at someone in a supermarket!

They can if they want to but they certainly don't have to. Women don't have to smile all of the time either, maybe the other mum was having a bad day and didn't feel like smiling.

sadsack78 · 04/10/2023 18:17

Maybe she was afraid of her dc catching something- covid is increasing atm.
Maybe her dc is neurodivergent and she was worried the interaction could trigger a meltdown in the shop?

NotQuiteHere · 04/10/2023 18:18

It's so important for toddlers to have opportunities to grow, the greeting and smiling in any place, any time is part of it.

I am sure the toddler has and will have multiple opportunities for interaction with others (minus this one)

If she really didn't want to be involved she should have removed her child not block yours.

Why and how should she have removed her child?

The world includes some really odd people!

Indeed.

inamarina · 04/10/2023 18:20

Catastrophejane · 04/10/2023 18:07

@Psychonabike you make a good point, but I’d question whether everyone who is rude purely to be unpleasant to other people is a sociopath.

Lots of people are just dicks. We don’t need to pathologise ( though if we do, there’s a number of personality disorders it could be that’s not sociopathy!)

what gets me is the posters saying they don’t go to supermarkets to make friends! Don’t think anyone does, but people can socially interact outside soft play ffs!

superficial social interactions are actually good for people’s mental health- it’s makes people feel connected to their community.

but obviously here on MN - the worst thing you can do to someone is to make eye contact or smile at someone in a supermarket!

superficial social interactions are actually good for people’s mental health- it’s makes people feel connected to their community.

I actually saw an Instagram post the other day where someone said something very similar. They were trying to have chats with at least two strangers a week (if I remember correctly).
Of course that’s not everyone‘s cup of tea, but getting all shirty because a mum ‚allowed‘ her child to approach another somewhere that’s not a playground/ soft play area is a bit extreme.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 04/10/2023 18:21

Mariposista · 04/10/2023 14:48

I'd have been tempted to say 'got somewhere to be have you?' dripping with sarcasm.
obviously wouldn't have actually lowered myself to that level in front of the kiddies. What a twat. Your boy sounds lively and friendly.

She probably did have somewhere to go though didn't she?

LuckySantangelo35 · 04/10/2023 18:22

@jays

I know! It’s a little 3 year old excited to show their toy to a toddler! I mean…. If we’re lost empathy, understanding and dare I say JOY for that, we might as well self destruct! Are we that dead inside, are we that ‘functional’ are we that destroyed that we can’t see the joy of that… are we that’ in a hurry’? I totally agree with you!”

that might bring you joy but it wouldn’t for everyone

Alargeoneplease89 · 04/10/2023 18:22

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 18:14

One bit of context I missed out from the original post - 3 yr old is on pathway for Autism diagnoses , is non verbal and not much 'recall' when I call his name.
I was standing about 2 metres behind trying to catch up with the pram when he was walking alongside the other child

There you go then... surely the mum was trying to stop him wandering off when you were calling him and standing 2 meters away

PeopleWhatABunchOfBastards · 04/10/2023 18:22

Then you should know better.

YouJustDoYou · 04/10/2023 18:23

I knew a kid who would bite and yank the hair of any kid who came her. Maybe she was just trying to protect your kid from similar. Don't take it personally.

Soontobe60 · 04/10/2023 18:24

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 18:14

One bit of context I missed out from the original post - 3 yr old is on pathway for Autism diagnoses , is non verbal and not much 'recall' when I call his name.
I was standing about 2 metres behind trying to catch up with the pram when he was walking alongside the other child

In that case, clearly the other mother heard you call this child’s name, child didnt respond so she stopped them from going any further. She did you a favour 😂

ActDottie · 04/10/2023 18:26

She wanted personal space. M&S is not the place for toddlers to be wandering around showing toys… if this happened in a children’s play centre I’d say Yanbu but it was in M&S and your child was being annoying.

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 18:26

Why are child haters allowed to approach a gathering place for loving mothers is my question 😀

Myrkwood · 04/10/2023 18:26

superficial social interactions are actually good for people’s mental health- it’s makes people feel connected to their community.

For some people. For others it is dreaded and makes their mental health worse. Why is an extroverts mental health more important than other peoples?

You have family and friends (or can make some) if you need some superficial chat. Strangers owe you nothing beyond basic manners like saying -please/thank you etc.

Original poster
Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 18:29

"There you go then... surely the mum was trying to stop him wandering off when you were calling him and standing 2 meters away"

I hadnt yet called him because it was all of about 6,7 seconds

OP posts:
EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 18:29

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 18:26

Why are child haters allowed to approach a gathering place for loving mothers is my question 😀

M&S is a gathering place for loving mothers now? In the Christmas advert maybe? When is the last time you went to an actual shop?

Catastrophejane · 04/10/2023 18:31

@SouthLondonMum22 i wondered how long it would take for the ‘women don’t have to be nice’ reaction. Of course they don’t. But I fear this statement has been used to forgive women being rude in situations where their gender is absolutely not a factor. I also fear it’s become a default type of feminist virtue signalling.

a good litmus test is to think if you’d react the same way if the other person was a man? I’d say he was being rude. In fact, there would probably be comments about how the child might be in an abusive situation.

The other woman is completely within her rights not only not to smile, but also to be rude. However, it’s within the OPs rights to think it’s rude and to find her behaviour unpleasant.

There are a million and one ways to have moved away from the kid that would’ve taken less effort than the way the OP describes.

and despite telling PP to ignore this, I’m clearly too invested in this thread 😆

HauntedStencil · 04/10/2023 18:31

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 18:29

"There you go then... surely the mum was trying to stop him wandering off when you were calling him and standing 2 meters away"

I hadnt yet called him because it was all of about 6,7 seconds

Can I ask why the scenario has got to you so much? Who knows what her reasons were. Maybe she was a bit rude. Why though has it stayed with you enough to upset you and make a thread about it?

Original poster
Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 18:33

There you go then... surely the mum was trying to stop him wandering off when you were calling him and standing 2 meters away

I hadn't yet called him as it was all of 6,7 seconds and also in hindsight I didn't see an issue with him walking as he wasn't blocking anyone just walking same direction next to her child
So in those first few seconds hadn't intended to intervene

OP posts:
Caerulea · 04/10/2023 18:35

Weird response to this. Imo she was rude AF & it's definitely weird behaviour. If she was worried about his distance from you then she could have done it very differently but 'excuse me' is combative. With a 3yo.

Extra weird is using mental health excuses - like, what? IT'S A 3YO!

This place is strange

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/10/2023 18:36

Catastrophejane · 04/10/2023 18:31

@SouthLondonMum22 i wondered how long it would take for the ‘women don’t have to be nice’ reaction. Of course they don’t. But I fear this statement has been used to forgive women being rude in situations where their gender is absolutely not a factor. I also fear it’s become a default type of feminist virtue signalling.

a good litmus test is to think if you’d react the same way if the other person was a man? I’d say he was being rude. In fact, there would probably be comments about how the child might be in an abusive situation.

The other woman is completely within her rights not only not to smile, but also to be rude. However, it’s within the OPs rights to think it’s rude and to find her behaviour unpleasant.

There are a million and one ways to have moved away from the kid that would’ve taken less effort than the way the OP describes.

and despite telling PP to ignore this, I’m clearly too invested in this thread 😆

Of course it's a factor. Men aren't expected to interact with random children like women are, in fact it is often met with suspicion if they do but women? If they don't smile and interact with children then they are just rude.

It absolutely isn't rude to not feel like smiling and not want to interact with a random child.

Catastrophejane · 04/10/2023 18:37

Myrkwood · 04/10/2023 18:26

superficial social interactions are actually good for people’s mental health- it’s makes people feel connected to their community.

For some people. For others it is dreaded and makes their mental health worse. Why is an extroverts mental health more important than other peoples?

You have family and friends (or can make some) if you need some superficial chat. Strangers owe you nothing beyond basic manners like saying -please/thank you etc.

I’m not saying you have to make friends with shop assistants- just basic manners like saying please and thank you.

social interaction is also good for introverts. In fact, introverts are probably more likely to benefit from this kind of interaction because it doesn’t require much effort, and they’re more likely to be lonely.

Loneliness is a massive killer in modern society, so acknowledging someone’s existence is on balance going to do more good than harm. This isn’t about puttin extroverts above everyone else.

I say this as an introvert

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 18:39

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 18:29

M&S is a gathering place for loving mothers now? In the Christmas advert maybe? When is the last time you went to an actual shop?

Show quote history

This forum, not M&S. Clearly.

An obtuse child hater 😄😂