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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This mum just blocked my toddler from approaching hers

413 replies

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 14:17

was in town today walking through M&S , with my 3 yr old.
We had just bought toys in the previous shop so he was out of pram and walking with his new toys in his hands and was excited about them.
Walking parallel to us was also a mum with toddler (around two)
My son approached him from the side and started walking directly next to him showing him his toys whilst they were both walking , the child smiled in response and didn't appear to seem at unease, however the mum swiftly stopped and put her arm out in front of my son blocked him between her arm and a Column so that he couldn't go any further and then she said ' excuse me ' as if for him to back away.
He turned to face me and I swooped him up and said ' he's only a toddler'
To which she didn't respond, she carried on walking and I changed direction.
I was left feeling quite sad for my son
I just wanted other mum's opinions on this . Was I in the wrong for letting my child approach hers , I guess everyone is entitled to their personal space. However I never anticipated that reaction it just seemed like a mean thing to do , and I'm always very welcoming to other kids that approach us

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 04/10/2023 17:24

Maybe her son is a biter or hits other children and she was avoiding this. You don't know her reasons.

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 17:24

inamarina · 04/10/2023 17:21

Yes, it’s odd how some people go on about their personal space because a small child approached another one in a shop 😵‍💫
I might feel that way if an adult followed me around the shop trying to strike up a conversation, but a small child?

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"personal space" is just a description. I have no interest in dealing with small children in shops or anywhere else. I have my own, I don't need extras.

I wish their parents could actually parent, and realise not everyone has to be interested in their little darlings.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/10/2023 17:26

inamarina · 04/10/2023 17:21

Yes, it’s odd how some people go on about their personal space because a small child approached another one in a shop 😵‍💫
I might feel that way if an adult followed me around the shop trying to strike up a conversation, but a small child?

Show quote history

I wouldn't mind it as much at soft play or the playground because they are more appropriate settings but in a shop? I'm likely busy, possibily in a rush and frankly have no interest in other people's children.

yogasaurus · 04/10/2023 17:27

All sounds very dramatic - ‘swooped him up’.

She was just getting on with her life. She doesn’t have to make her shopping trip into a teaching moment for your son.

And aren’t most 3yo’s out of prams all the time?

Don’t waste any more headspace on this

WhateverMate · 04/10/2023 17:27

I wouldn't give it a second's thought OP.

She knows her own toddler and probably knew he was going to kick off and want your kid's toys.

jays · 04/10/2023 17:28

inamarina · 04/10/2023 17:21

Yes, it’s odd how some people go on about their personal space because a small child approached another one in a shop 😵‍💫
I might feel that way if an adult followed me around the shop trying to strike up a conversation, but a small child?

Show quote history

I know! It’s a little 3 year old excited to show their toy to a toddler! I mean…. If we’re lost empathy, understanding and dare I say JOY for that, we might as well self destruct! Are we that dead inside, are we that ‘functional’ are we that destroyed that we can’t see the joy of that… are we that’ in a hurry’? I totally agree with you!

ElleCapitaine · 04/10/2023 17:29

She doesn’t know you. Why would she want an interaction?

bakewellbride · 04/10/2023 17:31

Perhaps her child is a hitter and she was trying to protect your child. You just don't know!

inamarina · 04/10/2023 17:35

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/10/2023 17:26

I wouldn't mind it as much at soft play or the playground because they are more appropriate settings but in a shop? I'm likely busy, possibily in a rush and frankly have no interest in other people's children.

Show quote history

Well, if the child had followed me around the shop I would have wondered where their parents were.
But if they just approached mine and showed them their toy? I honestly wouldn’t have had an issue with that. If I‘d been in a hurry, I‘d smile briefly (yes, yes, I know, nobody owes others smiles) and said we had to go.

TurkeyTeethLookAwful · 04/10/2023 17:36

Other people's DC can be irritating. Maybe she just found him irritating

Ellie1015 · 04/10/2023 17:37

It does sound unusual. Must be something going on. Perhaps her child has an allergy, low immune system or something which makes her keen to avoid your toddler too close. Maybe she has some sort of germ phobia or an ill grandparent.

You will never know, I wouldn't be bothered though, each to their own.

agent765 · 04/10/2023 17:41

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 17:24

"personal space" is just a description. I have no interest in dealing with small children in shops or anywhere else. I have my own, I don't need extras.

I wish their parents could actually parent, and realise not everyone has to be interested in their little darlings.

Show quote history

Much better said than my previous post.

PeopleWhatABunchOfBastards · 04/10/2023 17:42

On behalf of the neurodiverse we don't owe nosy people an explanation of asserting boundaries politely.

I hate the term educate yourself but op really needs to apply it here.

Coffeelotsofcoffee · 04/10/2023 17:50

I've come across this a couple of times. It is odd.
I feel for the kids who won't be allowed to play or make friends in the future

Original poster
Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 17:51

PeopleWhatABunchOfBastards · 04/10/2023 17:42

On behalf of the neurodiverse we don't owe nosy people an explanation of asserting boundaries politely.

I hate the term educate yourself but op really needs to apply it here.

3 yr old is on pathway for ASD diagnosis, my 6 yr old is already diagnosed

OP posts:
Sparkleshine21 · 04/10/2023 17:51

Literally could be anything, down to shes just dealt with a tantrum over saying no to a toy and your son is now showing her son a new toy, she may be pre empting and trying to stop another tantrum? Or he’s susceptible to illnesses and it’s that time of year? Anything!

AutumnFroglets · 04/10/2023 17:52

margotrose · 04/10/2023 17:05

Of course that's what they should be taught Confused

Do you go up to people in the street and show them your stuff uninvited?

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Some men do....

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/10/2023 17:53

inamarina · 04/10/2023 17:35

Well, if the child had followed me around the shop I would have wondered where their parents were.
But if they just approached mine and showed them their toy? I honestly wouldn’t have had an issue with that. If I‘d been in a hurry, I‘d smile briefly (yes, yes, I know, nobody owes others smiles) and said we had to go.

Show quote history

It just depends. I'd rather just avoid it if my child was prone to hitting or would likely throw a tantrum because they wanted the other child's toy.

Like I said as well, even without all of that. I'd rather not be bothered by other people's children.

peachesarenom · 04/10/2023 17:53

I think she was in the wrong.

It's so important for toddlers to have opportunities to grow, the greeting and smiling in any place, any time is part of it.

If she really didn't want to be involved she should have removed her child not block yours.

The world includes some really odd people!

Luckily most people are a lot friendlier to toddlers, especially if they have their own!

jays · 04/10/2023 17:53

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 17:24

"personal space" is just a description. I have no interest in dealing with small children in shops or anywhere else. I have my own, I don't need extras.

I wish their parents could actually parent, and realise not everyone has to be interested in their little darlings.

Show quote history

Aren’t you a joy! It was a child showing their wee toy, they weren’t asking to move in! They weren’t trying to bite an ankle! Hey weren’t asking for a party bag! Ffs! MUMSNET…. Is this really, is now? Is this really where we’re at now? Is this it? Because I can’t. I’m honestly done if this is where it’s at now.

agent765 · 04/10/2023 17:54

margotrose · 04/10/2023 17:23

It's no less annoying just because it's a 3yo and not a middle aged man.

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And the annoying middle-aged man probably never got taught boundaries as a kid either.

Some of the blokes I was in school with were 'little princes' according to their mums. Two have convictions (one for sexual abuse, one for necrophilia), one's never married as he could never find a woman good enough for his mum and many are divorced (some with the help of their mums for the previous reasons).

If the OP keeps 'swooping' him up and protecting him from evil people who can't appreciate that he's so special, she's gonna bring him a world of disappointment.

Or she must be a Mother Theresa type who adores everyone else's DCs.

yogasaurus · 04/10/2023 17:57

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 17:51

3 yr old is on pathway for ASD diagnosis, my 6 yr old is already diagnosed

Show quote history

Dripfeed.

Feraldogmum · 04/10/2023 17:59

Clearly this woman knows her child is feral and having forgotten his muzzle, was trying to stop him going full Hannibal Lector on your lad.
I wouldn't worry about it, some folk are just plain obnoxious, you have to be to be so hurtful to a small child,

inamarina · 04/10/2023 18:03

PeopleWhatABunchOfBastards · 04/10/2023 17:42

On behalf of the neurodiverse we don't owe nosy people an explanation of asserting boundaries politely.

I hate the term educate yourself but op really needs to apply it here.

It’s not about explanations or nosiness, it’s about some basic politeness and minimal friendliness towards other people.
Yes, we can always say no one owes anyone anything. We can let everyone know when we’re in a bad mood, because why pretend?
I just think it makes life miserable.
OP’s kid didn’t keep trying to chat to a stranger on a four hour long flight, he just briefly approached another child in a shop.
Sorry, but being neurodiverse doesn’t mean your feelings trump other people‘s.
FWIW, OP could be neurodiverse too. Or depressed. Or otherwise struggling.
Nobody‘s saying the other woman had to stop and chat and arrange playdates.
Just a brief smile or a nod would have probably been enough.

Sugargliderwombat · 04/10/2023 18:04

Sad that in our culture this is how we work 😔. If you're in a rush it would have been easy to say " lovely toys but I'm sorry we don't have time to stop! Say bye bye ! " or "they're lovely, let's go to x now, bye!"

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