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AIBU?

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Original poster

I don't know how anyone could find life interesting

127 replies

Worriedsister223 · 03/10/2023 16:41

Life's such a boring journey. Working all the time just to cover the bills and if youre lucky get a week holiday a year to somewhere with slightly better weather. every day is basically the same. Get up, work, go home and sleep. Yes you can have hobbies and I do but again, same thing each week. What's the point really? Year in year out celebrating the same occasions. Don't want kids, can't even get into in this post just how dull I find them. Having to go to a playgroup Sounds like my idea of hell. I just kind of wonder what is the point to all of this and kind of dread having to do it every day for the next 50 years because it's just so boring and repetitive.

OP posts:
BridgetJonesAsFuck · 03/10/2023 19:48

Oh and I always have to have something to look forward to, whether it's a break away by the sea or a day trip to London.

Neverintime · 03/10/2023 19:48

You need to change things up. Are you single? What are your current hobbies? Could you change career, or increase earnings to give more spending money?

WrongSwanson · 03/10/2023 19:50

wordler · 03/10/2023 17:47

Sounds like you're in the middle of a classic existential internal debate.

You are in excellent company @Worriedsister223 so many great minds have studied and pondered on the purpose of our day in and day out repetitive but fairly short exisitence.

"In the twentieth century, Heidegger held that the meaning of life is to live authentically or (alternatively) to be a guardian of the earth. Sartre espoused the view that life is meaningless but urged us nonetheless to make a free choice that would give our lives meaning and responsibility.

Camus also thought that life is absurd and meaningless. The best way to cope with this fact, he held, is to live life with passion, using everything up, and with an attitude of revolt, defiance, or scorn.

William James held that life is meaningful and worth living because of a spiritual order in which we should believe, or else that it is meaningful when there is a marriage of ideals with pluck, will, and the manly virtues;

Bertrand Russell argued that to live a meaningful life one must abandon private and petty interests and instead cultivate an interest in the eternal; Moritz Schlick argued that the meaning of life is to be found in play; and A. J. Ayer asserted that the question of the meaning of life is itself meaningless."

I think in modern times most people boil it down to:

  • Give your life a higher purpose by choosing to focus on something bigger outside your individual self - can be religion for some, can be an achievement of some sort that takes a lot of effort (climb Everest, ultra marathons), or a noble cause (finding a cure for disease, rasing money for charity, getting laws changed).
  • Nurturing the next generation and having part of you travel forward through time with that - having children but also works for childfree people who nurture children some way in their jobs
  • Being part of the future through something you create that lasts and impacts future generations - artists, writers, film makers etc
  • Finding joy in day to day life by either making changes, or reframing how you feel about what you are currently doing.

Most of us are getting by with a combination of the above.

Edited

This is an excellent summary, thank you.

And I'd add, it doesn't even have to be working with children. I really enjoy mentoring and teaching the new starters/up and coming juniors in my profession. I always remember the senior people who took the time to mentor me or give me that next push when I was first starting out.

widowtwankywashroom · 03/10/2023 19:50

Well I'm currently sat in a hot tub drinking wine after a fab day in the lakes
Lots of walking, sex and wine.
I think life is pretty damn wonderful

IWantToLiveOnTheMoon · 03/10/2023 19:53

Life tends to go through stages, some more interesting than others, one things for sure, it rarely stays the same. Having dealt with a lot of previous unexpected trauma it's quite a relief for me to be experiencing a quieter type of life,some could call it boring, l am happy to be just able to sleep at night without all the worry.

HowAmYa · 03/10/2023 19:56

You are your own enemy here. If you've actively chosen not to have children, why have you decided to settle for the 'dull life', the same mundane kind all us parents have 😂and you sound so bitter about it.

I'm boring as f, I love spending time at home watching a movie with DD, cooking with dp, little bit of gaming, gardening and the mundane shit. I love how boring it is, it makes me happy because all I want is a nice simple home life and love and adoration in the house. I feel more fulfilled now than ever.

Why did you settle for this? What do you actually want from life to make it less boring for you?

coolkatt · 03/10/2023 20:02

if you have some mental health things going on then i feel for u and hope u reach out get help.
if u don't and you really feel this way then i suggest thinking about the men women and children who didn't have the privilege of living that long and were taking far too soon from us. count your blessings, the fact you are living and breathing and making choices every day says it all really.

widowtwankywashroom · 03/10/2023 20:06

BridgetJonesAsFuck · 03/10/2023 19:48

Oh and I always have to have something to look forward to, whether it's a break away by the sea or a day trip to London.

This is me.
I have to have something in the diary to look forward to.

Beezknees · 03/10/2023 20:06

I don't know how anyone could not find life interesting!

SleepingStandingUp · 03/10/2023 20:13

Worriedsister223 · 03/10/2023 16:52

I kind of feel like youre making fun of me here, I'm not sure if you are.
I can't just move abroad tomorrow, I have a job and a mortgage.

Show quote history

Do you like your job? If not what are you doing to change it?

Before I met DH so living alone I had a job is social housing and a part time job in youth work. Youth work is routine but very varied. I volunteered on a farm where there were different volunteers every weekend so constantly meeting new people. I volunteered for a charity that worked festivals, Def varied!!

Where do you go on holiday? What do you do in your down time?

Honestly op you sound depressed and I'd genuinely suggest you talk to your GP

Shadypaws23 · 03/10/2023 20:19

I kind of feel like this sometimes, especially with prices the way they are
Like I work to pay the bills and there's nothing left and that's kind of.. it
Hard to explain but it's like you work to pay for the house that you're not in because you're at work and pay for a car that you drive to work and then you've done all that work to earn the money that is just enough to live on but there's no holiday or anything
Outdoor swimming helps me, and as much exercise as I can do. If I stop exercising I notice I feel it more

MsCactus · 03/10/2023 20:22

Worriedsister223 · 03/10/2023 16:52

I kind of feel like youre making fun of me here, I'm not sure if you are.
I can't just move abroad tomorrow, I have a job and a mortgage.

Show quote history

You could probably rent out your house and live in a mansion in Thailand off of the rental money tbh.

There's genuinely so much you can do in life - you just need the confidence to go do it, or try it, rather than just doing a boring job and paying your mortgage because that's what's expected of you.

I genuinely love my life, it's so exciting and I do work I enjoy (but I had to make a plan and take control of my life to get there)

NancyJoan · 03/10/2023 20:28

The things that give my life variety:

a job which is different every day
access to cinema/theatre/books
a large group of friends whose company I adore
two teenagers who are fun and funny. When they were v small it was sometimes dull, and also scary, but I enjoyed making friends at the toddler groups etc

Im sorry you feel on a treadmill, OP. With no DC, the world could be yours for the taking.

Birch101 · 03/10/2023 20:28

Honestly it sounds like you have just gone and trapped yourself.
If you don't have kids then there is actually very little stopping you from changing your life.

You have mortgage? Sell or rent your house
Put your belongings into storage.

Have you ever enjoyed anything - start from there

I completely agree that there is little point to life and it is rather dull so yes you have 3 options.....
Keep plodding along and look at yourself getting older with each year

Make a big change- you can work your way across the world, free accommodation and skill learning for some work e.g hostel reception.

Find some antidepressant drugs and see if they help.

If you can only afford one weeks holiday a year and your kid free I'd be depressed too

Neverintime · 03/10/2023 20:28

Change can be as easy as finding a job that you can do from home. I have so much more spare time now that I don't need to commute and can work from anywhere in the world that has WiFi.

Andnowtowhatcomesnext · 03/10/2023 20:46

Sounds like it’s a pivotal point in your life OP. I wonder if asking yourself, if you live to say, 90, what would you want people to say about you in the eulogy? Try and figure out what you core values are. Then from that work out how you can live true to them.

In order to have good well-being we need;

  • a chance at good sleep
  • healthy food
  • moving our body every day
  • time connecting with people
  • Low intake of toxins (fags, booze, social media, toxic relationships)
  • to feel like we are contributing something meaningful (creativity, charity work, caring for others for example)
  • mindfulness - being more in the moment.
  • time in nature.
  • self compassion.

if you look at the list above and rate each one to see where the lower numbers are, you could try adding something in in that area - e.g. if you don’t get put in nature much, don’t move your body much and aren’t mindful often, a walk somewhere green and leafy, taking notice of the different plants, colours, sounds and smells ticks a few boxes. If you don’t see many people, don’t move your body much and don’t feel like you contribute to something meaningful, you could join a dance class. These are just examples.

Good luck OP. You sound thoroughly fed up, but things can change.

JaneyGee · 03/10/2023 20:55

That’s kind of the definition of depression - everything you look at is flat and miserable.

I don’t agree that life is boring. Hard, disappointing, filled with trauma, yes…but not boring. Read Carl Sagan’s Cosmos, or Bill Bryson’s Short History of Everything, or watch a David Attenborough or Brian Cox documentary. The world is unbelievably interesting.

I find life a shitty grind because this country is so overcrowded and noisy, and because I have to waste my life doing horrible things I don’t want to do (like work, visit in-laws, etc). If I had the chance, I’d spend my life reading. I’d buy a telescope, get into astronomy, learn the guitar, learn Japanese, etc. I get depressed because life is SO interesting, but I don’t have the time or space to enjoy it.

StarDolphins · 03/10/2023 20:58

Is there any point to life though? Aren’t we all just trying to find contentment & happiness until it’s over?

I’m so busy every single day but what I’d love to do is go for lovely walks with my dog & sit & relax & watch tv or films.

i appreciate mundane life, going to the shops, looking for nice clothes, walks, lunch or tea out etc. if I got Ill tomorrow & for example had cancer & felt rough, sick & bedbound, I’d do anything to have my normal, boring normal life back!

That’s my thought process anyway!

Tulpenkavalier · 03/10/2023 23:48

I'm nearly 70 and I wish, I so wish!! that I could do it all again! But , as it is, I'll just keep on going and grabbing life with both hands...

I paint
I travel to places I've not been to before
I tend to my garden and cultivate geraniums and succulents
I go to every gig I possibly can - from opera to jazz and Manfred Mann revivals....... it's all good!
I teach my granddaughter to do cartwheels and swim
I gossip and bond with my friends
I am learning Italian
And much else besides...
and I'm trying not to let that nasty little tumor win

@Worriedsister223 has not returned to her thread, so I fear that all our well meant comments and suggestions have not hit the mark.

greenhydrangea · 03/10/2023 23:53

But what you describe OP is not "life" - what you describe is just social normality.

If you don't think any further, then that will be your life. And as the saying goes, "The unexamined life is not worth living." Self-fulfilling prophecy really.

Stompythedinosaur · 04/10/2023 01:08

Your life will be boring if you don't do things that interest you. What are you passionate about?

It you hate it all, and have no dependants, why does having a job and mortgage matter? You have the freedom to change these things.

Personally I find lots of my life interesting, and I get through the other bits by having a vivid internal life.

BridgetJonesAsFuck · 04/10/2023 06:33

has not returned to her thread, so I fear that all our well meant comments and suggestions have not hit the mark.

Maybe because she's had over 100 know it alls piling on about how not having kids equals complete freedom to live whatever kind of life she wants and her lack of enthusiasm is all her own fault?! Honestly what a load of bollocks. It really isn't that simple to just walk out of your life and recreate a happier one. However un-tied you are. "If I didn't have kids I'd fuck the mortgage off and go live in the clouds playing with fairies and unicorns all day". Of course you would!

Sorry you've had such a massive lack of empathy on here OP x

HernesEgg · 04/10/2023 06:42

BridgetJonesAsFuck · 04/10/2023 06:33

has not returned to her thread, so I fear that all our well meant comments and suggestions have not hit the mark.

Maybe because she's had over 100 know it alls piling on about how not having kids equals complete freedom to live whatever kind of life she wants and her lack of enthusiasm is all her own fault?! Honestly what a load of bollocks. It really isn't that simple to just walk out of your life and recreate a happier one. However un-tied you are. "If I didn't have kids I'd fuck the mortgage off and go live in the clouds playing with fairies and unicorns all day". Of course you would!

Sorry you've had such a massive lack of empathy on here OP x

It’s not ‘simple’, no, but it’s perfectly doable. I’ve moved countries a lot in my life, just to be somewhere new and interesting. I moved countries with a seven year old (will now stay where we are till he leaves for university), but it’s certainly easier without a child who will have their own ideas about the move.

Wheresmypal · 04/10/2023 06:55

If your life is boring as it’s repetitive, do something new and different.

Dayhee · 04/10/2023 06:59

I agree with you to a large extent OP. It is very much like a hamster wheel that you can’t get off easily. If you don’t want kids then don’t have them as they won’t make life better once the early years cuteness has worn off.