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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my 3.5 year old travelling for 2 months?

118 replies

travellingwithatoddler · 03/10/2023 07:07

Me and my partner are taking our 3.5 year old travelling around Asia for 2 months split into two trips - one month in January, one month in June)

We’re going to India, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia and Japan for a total of 9 weeks.

From every angle I have people telling me that I am selfish, I’m only doing this for myself, he won’t remember it blah blah.

Just because he won’t remember it, doesn’t mean he won’t enjoy it at the time! He is a fab little traveller and absolutely thrives on being outdoors exploring new places. I know my child better than anyone and wouldn’t put myself through the stress if I thought he’d hate it! I have also travelled extensively so I'm not naive to this.

My family have actually said that I am a terrible mother for taking him ‘somewhere so dangerous like India’ - we’re only doing the Golden triangle fgs! And we have a private driver taking us from A to B.

Thoughts? It’s actually starting to get me a little bit down, I just want to look forward to it!

OP posts:
Okaaaay · 03/10/2023 20:11

Sounds incredible OP. He’s a really lucky boy. Ignore the haters, they’re bonkers. Have fun xx

Wally1983 · 03/10/2023 20:12

Are you on instagram? Travelmadmum & dad - they’ve travelled all over since their eldest was tiny!! Do it, you won’t regret it 😁

dullandgrey · 03/10/2023 20:12

Absolutely do it. Sounds incredible :) enjoy!

Seagrassbasket · 03/10/2023 20:16

Oh FGS. Some people are so pessimistic and negative and boring.

It sounds AMAZING. I would love to travel with my DS. Some friends just did three weeks in Thailand with a two year old and had a ball.

Have a fantastic time. Although do get decent travel insurance! (Sorry to be boring!)

HobbiddoH · 03/10/2023 20:26

Selfish? People have actually told you you’re selfish?

Mooshroo · 03/10/2023 20:26

I can remember the first house I lived in, we moved out when I was 3 so I’m sure a few memories will be made! Sounds great. Enjoy.

Curiosity101 · 03/10/2023 20:32

Someone actually said it was selfish?! What did they say exactly?

The other comments I can understand, we get those a lot when we take DCs on holidays.

But selfish is a new one! 😅

HMW1906 · 03/10/2023 20:42

Sounds great, I wish we would have the opportunity to do something like this with our nearly 3 year old in the future. You’re definitely not selfish for doing it, they’re just jealous or they are using this to cover up that they are going to miss him.

1month · 03/10/2023 20:48

From every angle I have people telling me that I am selfish, I’m only doing this for myself, he won’t remember it blah blah.

Well this is sort of true.

You’re going because you and DH want to go, not because your DS will get anything out of it because he obviously won’t.

But so what.

Just tell everyone you’re going because it’s something that you and DH want to do and it’s easier to do whilst DS is still young and doesn’t have as big of an issue with getting time off school etc.

They are possibly upset that they’ll miss out on DS for such a long time which is understandable.

From your OP it sounds as though they think you’re doing it for DS’s benefit, which of course would be ridiculous.

I think it sounds amazing!!

Are you planning to have anymore children and how will this trip impact that?

AllAboardTootToot · 03/10/2023 20:48

Do it and video blood or for your kid as they grow up. Will be an amazing experience!

have an amazing time and safe travels!

JohnNolan · 03/10/2023 20:49

I cant think or anything worse (Id hate it and so would all my DC) but youre not being selfish! Pay no attention, they're probably just jealous.

webster1987 · 03/10/2023 20:52

How could this ever be described as selfish? And how is India considered dangerous? Very odd for this to be the reaction from people in your life. It's an amazing position to be in, to be able to do something you want to do and share it with your child, regardless of how many memories he may make. What a wonderful experience.

Sounds to me like people may be jealous somewhat. Enjoy every second!

Anonymouslyposting · 03/10/2023 20:54

Wow, that sounds amazing! I travelled a lot in that area pre kids and mine are both still younger than yours so I think they are too little atm. However, my oldest has just turned 3 and I would 100% take her if (a) I could swing it with work and (b) I didn’t have the younger one as well. It’ll be a great experience - no idea why anyone would think it’s selfish. Have an amazing time!

Penguinsmum · 03/10/2023 21:06

I spend 1/3 of my time in India -with my son - from when he was newborn until now - age 7. It's a wonderful place and not dangerous.

gotomomo · 03/10/2023 21:10

Sounds brilliant, I took mine at 2&4 backpacking. Great age to do it

Wotsitoverthere · 03/10/2023 21:33

"they won't remember it"
Some of my earliest memories are of a foreign holiday age 3. We went to Denmark, stayed in a wooden house with a sandpit and bunkbeds and went to Legoland!

tiredandbaggy · 03/10/2023 21:34

Sounds amazing! We took ours backpacking in Goa when they were 5 and 7. It was fab. We also went to Namibia when our two younger kids were 4 and 1 - we had a brilliant time. As others have said if nothing else he’ll love being all together as a family for 9 weeks.

I'm sure you’ll be doing this already but I recommend always paying for aircon. We tried a couple of nights in beach huts without and nobody slept. Bring sun cream from home - we bought some fake stuff in India by accident!!! Hiring a driver is a great idea - saves so much time and buses can be really hot too.

I’m super jealous - have the best time ever!

larlypops · 03/10/2023 21:36

My dad worked in UAE so I was born over there and he took us travelling when I was a toddler for 3 months whilst on leave, my brother remembers more as he was 3 or 4.
I don’t remember anything but it’s ok to do things for yourselves to enjoy, it sounds like an incredible opportunity

Kwasi · 03/10/2023 21:38

I hate the ‘they won’t remember it’ rhetoric. If we’re not supposed to do stuff until our kids are old enough to remember, we might as well never take them further than the supermarket.

Livingonthebrightside · 03/10/2023 21:47

We’ve travelled quite a lot with our two and four year olds since they were very young and we’ve all loved it! Some stressful experiences mixed in with the amazing ones but that’s all part of the adventure for us.

As for remembering, I remember my first family holiday when I was 2! Only snippets but still memories. I actually have lots of vivid memories from age 2 onwards. I remember the playgroup I attended, the nursery and reception classes at school, days out and time spent with my grandfather who passed away when I’d just turned 5, holidays, bathing my baby brother who was born when I was 3, moving to my new house just before I turned 2, visits from my Health Visitor even. Some people have great memories of their early childhoods!

Harry12345 · 03/10/2023 22:03

Where do you go and what do you do? I’d love to go but alway anxious about it,

@Penguinsmum

Katy123456 · 03/10/2023 22:06

Do it - you'll have a great time. You'll remember it, he might not explicitly remember it but in the same way he won't remember any of the other nice things you or your family do with him.

Have no idea why it's selfish - 2 months of family time sounds delightful to me. And Asia is not dangerous - just be sensible about where you go / what you do, the same as all holidays.

Original poster
travellingwithatoddler · 03/10/2023 22:09

1month · 03/10/2023 20:48

From every angle I have people telling me that I am selfish, I’m only doing this for myself, he won’t remember it blah blah.

Well this is sort of true.

You’re going because you and DH want to go, not because your DS will get anything out of it because he obviously won’t.

But so what.

Just tell everyone you’re going because it’s something that you and DH want to do and it’s easier to do whilst DS is still young and doesn’t have as big of an issue with getting time off school etc.

They are possibly upset that they’ll miss out on DS for such a long time which is understandable.

From your OP it sounds as though they think you’re doing it for DS’s benefit, which of course would be ridiculous.

I think it sounds amazing!!

Are you planning to have anymore children and how will this trip impact that?

Of course it's us who want to go - but it will also make my son happy too. We've travelled with him before (not to Asia though) and he was genuinely the happiest he's been. He loves beaches, animals, boat rides and being with us every day - nothing beats that quality family time, he'll love it. Smile

It's not so much people thinking we're doing it for ourselves (as technically I guess we are lol), it's more the fact they think think I'm being selfish in terms of 'taking my son to dangerous countries' ie they probably have an extremely ignorant view on countries that aren't white IMO! Hmm

Some of my family are just not very nice people tbh and show no real interest in my son so I think it's just their way of being negative as always.

We are most likely one and done. I almost lost my life giving birth and had horrendous PND so I'm very content with my little boy!

OP posts:
Original poster
travellingwithatoddler · 03/10/2023 22:10

Love reading all this positivity and all the places you've took your kids! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
travellingwithatoddler · 03/10/2023 22:13

HobbiddoH · 03/10/2023 20:26

Selfish? People have actually told you you’re selfish?

Yes, my family used that exact word.

They think I'm selfish by apparently putting my son in 'danger' by travelling to India just because I want see the Taj Mahal. 🙄

OP posts: