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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my 3.5 year old travelling for 2 months?

118 replies

travellingwithatoddler · 03/10/2023 07:07

Me and my partner are taking our 3.5 year old travelling around Asia for 2 months split into two trips - one month in January, one month in June)

We’re going to India, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia and Japan for a total of 9 weeks.

From every angle I have people telling me that I am selfish, I’m only doing this for myself, he won’t remember it blah blah.

Just because he won’t remember it, doesn’t mean he won’t enjoy it at the time! He is a fab little traveller and absolutely thrives on being outdoors exploring new places. I know my child better than anyone and wouldn’t put myself through the stress if I thought he’d hate it! I have also travelled extensively so I'm not naive to this.

My family have actually said that I am a terrible mother for taking him ‘somewhere so dangerous like India’ - we’re only doing the Golden triangle fgs! And we have a private driver taking us from A to B.

Thoughts? It’s actually starting to get me a little bit down, I just want to look forward to it!

OP posts:
Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 03/10/2023 07:49

Sounds fantastic. I’m deeply envious. Im trying to convince DP we should do a month away with DS at a similar age, although he’s not a great traveller so at the moment the idea is pretty daunting. You know your son, you think you’ll all enjoy it, go for it and have a fabulous time.

Caspianberg · 03/10/2023 07:50

The whole age and remembering is rubbish. Parents remember, you take photos to remind them when older, and they get experience which do impact them.

We just spent 5 weeks away across this summer (3 smaller trips). Ds whose 3 learnt to ride bike with pedals and no stabilisers through vineyards and he had a lot of time to practice swimming with pool access most days so has come on leaps
and bounds. He probably won’t remember learning to ride a bike, but he’s unlikely to now ever forget how to ride right to into
adulthood.
Experiencing different culture, food, people, all influences even the smallest children.

Otherwise the argument would also be why teach them anything, why go to school before 10 as they would just forget. That’s not how it works

Mum3563 · 03/10/2023 07:52

Just because he won’t remember it, doesn’t mean he won’t enjoy it at the time!

Agree. And just because he won't remember it, doesn't mean he won't learn a lot from it!

I lived in that region for several years with a preschooler and he loved it!

Mum3563 · 03/10/2023 07:52

He became very water confident, being able to swim year around.

itsgettingweird · 03/10/2023 07:59

People talk crap.

You that the minute someone says give your child a great cultural experience and close time with their parents is selfish.

Just smile and wave

itsgettingweird · 03/10/2023 07:59

You know that the minute .....

AgnesX · 03/10/2023 08:00

Go for it. My sister remembers a trip to Africa when she was three and she's now 50!

SisterAgatha · 03/10/2023 08:02

Absolutely do it, we had all the time in the world when my eldest was small and planned to and didn’t, and now we can’t for various reasons.

have the best time! And the people who say you are “selfish”… I mean how?! They sound jealous.

cocksstrideintheevening · 03/10/2023 08:05

It's two longer than average holidays - sounds fab!

GCAcademic · 03/10/2023 08:08

In your situation, I would do this for sure. And I’ve been to India many times, you will love it and your DS will be fawned over. The only thing I’d consider dangerous there is the roads.

Saschka · 03/10/2023 08:09

We took our 2.5 year old on a 5 week tour of eastern canada (we lived in Toronto and were moving back, and wanted to see all the stuff we hadn’t got around to visiting, like Newfoundland, Nova Scotia, PEI etc).

Aside from discovering he’d developed car sickness, it was a fabulous trip, a great bonding experience as a family, and he loved it. He doesn’t remember it now, but he loves looking at the photos.

Olika · 03/10/2023 08:10

You do you. Have fun!

BeeCucumber · 03/10/2023 08:12

Go and have a brilliant time. It’s strange that people say to you that your child won’t remember the trip - it’s not all about him - it’s your holiday as well!

underneaththeash · 03/10/2023 08:14

Surely you're doing it for you and your DH though, rather than him?

He won't remember it, but does that matter.

Oh and avoid Japan in the summer, it's unbearbly hot!

BlindCat · 03/10/2023 08:14

I wish I had the money to do it! Our daughter was three months old when she was on a plane for the first time. Your son will be just fine and I’m sure will enjoy both trips. Just because you have a child doesn’t mean your life is over ffs.

Dutch1e · 03/10/2023 08:16

Our little boy loved extended travelling. Our longest stint was 6 months in SE Asia but we began with 3 months in Portugal when he was 3 years old.

It seems ridiculous to say that it's useless if they don't remember it. By that logic I could keep my kids in a basement for the first 4 years of life! And all those baby enrichment classes would go broke. Every experience shapes us whether we consciously remember it or not.

In my experience the people who try to talk you out of this stuff are the people who have never done it.

Have a great time!

ChimneyPot · 03/10/2023 08:18

We did that with an 11 year old, 9 year old twins and a 3 year old and definitely don’t regret it.

It did limit us a bit when he got bored looking at temples or sunrises but it was a fabulous experience.

We did 2 months in one stretch but added in stays at beaches and even a trip to Disneyland HK to do stuff that was just for the kids.

Iloveavocadoes · 03/10/2023 08:23

I took my son travelling everywhere, but I waited until he was 9 to do India because of the large number of vaccinations needed. I wanted to make sure he was onboard with the plans and consented to all the injections.

He's an adult now and has a very good job and lovely memories of our travels

MaryShelley1818 · 03/10/2023 09:15

Sounds fabulous, two lovely holidays 😊

Children get so much out of visiting different countries. We're going away at the weekend and will be our kids 4th new country to visit this year. They're age 5 and 2.

TheLightProgramme · 03/10/2023 09:24

You know your child, only you can make this call.

Both mine would have hated it at that age. They love being at home, familiar food, places. They don't sleep well away from home, but sleep like logs in their own beds. When overstimulated they quickly become tearful, tantrummy, and whiny, pestering for snacks and demanding screens. Now age 7 one is much more excited by travel, new food etc.

I knew people with toddlers/preschoolers very different to mine - children who seemed happy to sit placidly in a pushchair absorbing the world around them, who eagerly tried lots of new food, who didn't seem affected by being kept up late & would simply sleep in. One of mine would do this to a limited extent, the other did & does always wake at 6am, even if kept up til 10 or 11pm, no matter what we do.

If you're comfortable your child will be happy, go for it & have fun.

thecatsthecats · 03/10/2023 09:28

Well, to be fair, I'm planning to do similar a bit later on the "memories" basis, but then it's in part because I know how valuable early travel is, and don't mind the idea of skipping a few weeks of school to compensate!

Caspianberg · 03/10/2023 10:24

@TheLightProgramme - mine sleeps terrible at home. 10pm-6am would be a good night frankly. So if they sleep that well travelling i would be delighted! Never sits calmly in pram either, but doesn’t at home either so it’s same difference really. At least it’s all a change of scenery

TheLightProgramme · 03/10/2023 11:40

Caspian i did notice people who had little ones who were poor sleepers anyway were more willing to do this stuff - you don't miss what you don't know.

Mine slept 7-7 at that age and if they were kept up late their behaviour was SO SO much worse! Tantrums, a lot of tears, whingy, having toiletimg accidents etc.

Some kids are better at managing on less sleep.

Twonkytwoo · 03/10/2023 13:07

Another one for just do it. Did it for 3 months with a four year old. They got so much out of it. 6 years later they love looking at the photos and remembers a lot.

Though as a pp said, prepare for travel sickness, having never had it before, it started in the first taxi from airport!

The rucksacks that can also be wheeled were the best. Then one person can have one on back and wheel one, whilst the other can carry the child and a smaller day pack.

EaudeJavel · 03/10/2023 13:14

before school starts? It's the best and easiest time! The best time with your child is on holiday, why on earth wouldn't you?

Even if you believed he wouldn't remember... so what? Are we supposed to put kids in a cupboard and get them out once they start having memories they will remember?

Everything is entertainment, 2 parents available all day, you'd be mad to think twice if you have that opportunity. I mean it kindly, but it's also only 2 months.. it's hardly huge deal.

Don't try to replicate an adult holiday. Your time will be better if you plan around the child. It doesn't mean stopping you from doing everything you want, but on a lazy perspective, if it works for the child, it's so much easier and pleasant.