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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the phrase “tomboy” is outdated?

125 replies

weathersweater · 02/10/2023 20:39

So a girl who doesn’t like wearing dresses, or the colour pink and likes playing football - why can’t she not just be a girl who likes xyz?

Why do we need to categorise likes and interests with having a certain gender attached to them?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 02/10/2023 20:41

Do people use that word these days?

crumpet · 02/10/2023 20:42

What’s your proposal?

MsMoody · 02/10/2023 20:43

I don’t hear girls being described as tomboys very often anymore and women’s fashion seems to lean towards androgyny these days. Which personally I love. Trainers and baggy jeans 👍🏻 I work on a university campus and also see lots of girls with shaved heads now.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 02/10/2023 20:44

I'm a tomboy, always have been. Its an easy way to describe me and everyone knows what i mean when i say it. Same as when women say they are 'girly girls'...its a description

BibbleandSqwauk · 02/10/2023 20:47

It might be dated but I'm mourning the fact that apparently you CAN'T be a girl who likes "boy things" anymore...you must actually really be a boy in the wrong body and must undergo all sorts of physical and social changes to fit that. Scares the shit out of me how retrograde that step is.

Monty27 · 02/10/2023 20:49

I haven't heard it in years til now. I imagine not many people use that term any more. Don't you find it derogatory towards women? Yes I do. I would hope not to hear it.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 02/10/2023 20:50

BibbleandSqwauk · 02/10/2023 20:47

It might be dated but I'm mourning the fact that apparently you CAN'T be a girl who likes "boy things" anymore...you must actually really be a boy in the wrong body and must undergo all sorts of physical and social changes to fit that. Scares the shit out of me how retrograde that step is.

This! It scares me to think if i was growing up now i wouldn't be able to be a tomboy, people would be saying i must really want to be a boy and not a girl.

CaputDraconis · 02/10/2023 20:52

I wish it was used more instead of telling girls they are in the wrong body and are actually boys

Wolvesart · 02/10/2023 20:54

I stopped using it was a phrase because it seems not very appr now. It basically just meant not a girly girl. I was one, even though I wore skirts as a child, I wasn’t girly

Melissamelisante · 02/10/2023 20:55

I'll take it over 'trans' any day.

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 02/10/2023 20:57

My daughter is a tomboy. It describes her perfectly.

Monty27 · 02/10/2023 20:59

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 02/10/2023 20:50

This! It scares me to think if i was growing up now i wouldn't be able to be a tomboy, people would be saying i must really want to be a boy and not a girl.

That's a whole discussion of it's. I can see why you would digress. But it's not the same topic as @weathersweater is talking about I don't think.

Freepublictransport · 02/10/2023 20:59

I’m still a bit of a tomboy and would use that word to describe myself, but I’m 49.
I’m not a girly girl at all, I dislike being in big groups of women.
I prefer to have my hands in an engine than doing my nails.
but I do love pink.

NeedToChangeName · 02/10/2023 21:02

BibbleandSqwauk · 02/10/2023 20:47

It might be dated but I'm mourning the fact that apparently you CAN'T be a girl who likes "boy things" anymore...you must actually really be a boy in the wrong body and must undergo all sorts of physical and social changes to fit that. Scares the shit out of me how retrograde that step is.

Agree with this

Robbiesraft · 02/10/2023 21:04

Leave the phrase alone. It's an accepted, non confrontational way for a girl to be herself.

Lovingitallnow · 02/10/2023 21:05

I find girly girl stressful. Because some people say I'm a girly girl and I always think they're messing because I see a girly girl as someone with excellent grooming skills- into hair and make up. Able to do their nails all this. And then when someone describes their interpretation I'm like ok yes I am that girly Gurl just not my interpretation.

Sparehair · 02/10/2023 21:07

Dont like it- find it pretty regressive- used to describe girls who like things that society has decided are “boys things”. I wouldn’t use “girly girl” either though tbh. Just let them like what they like without ascribing genders to it.

belladonna22 · 02/10/2023 21:09

BibbleandSqwauk · 02/10/2023 20:47

It might be dated but I'm mourning the fact that apparently you CAN'T be a girl who likes "boy things" anymore...you must actually really be a boy in the wrong body and must undergo all sorts of physical and social changes to fit that. Scares the shit out of me how retrograde that step is.

Lol, right. As a self-professed tomboy who is best friends with someone who is trans, you'll be happy to hear there is very much a difference. I identify as a woman/female/whatever you want to say, but I don't align myself to everything which society says is female-coded. But well done trying to turn this into another trans-bashing thread. Do you actually know anyone who is trans, have you listened to and understood their journey, or has the Daily Mail just convinced you that they are your enemy, to distract from how the Tories have made all our lives worse? Always important to have a scapegoat...

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 02/10/2023 21:12

@BibbleandSqwauk I agree with you

weathersweater · 02/10/2023 21:12

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 02/10/2023 20:50

This! It scares me to think if i was growing up now i wouldn't be able to be a tomboy, people would be saying i must really want to be a boy and not a girl.

This is literally insanity.

OP posts:
VapeHelp · 02/10/2023 21:13

Ah the good old days of simply being a bit of a tomboy. In most photos of me and my friends from the late 70s, we are in cord trousers and polo neck jumpers, often with short hair, and not a smidge of pink in sight.

I don’t recall it ever being suggested we were born in the wrong bodies or were having gender identity issues.

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 02/10/2023 21:14

@belladonna22 I don't read that comment as trans bashing at all.

weathersweater · 02/10/2023 21:14

belladonna22 · 02/10/2023 21:09

Lol, right. As a self-professed tomboy who is best friends with someone who is trans, you'll be happy to hear there is very much a difference. I identify as a woman/female/whatever you want to say, but I don't align myself to everything which society says is female-coded. But well done trying to turn this into another trans-bashing thread. Do you actually know anyone who is trans, have you listened to and understood their journey, or has the Daily Mail just convinced you that they are your enemy, to distract from how the Tories have made all our lives worse? Always important to have a scapegoat...

As a self professed tomboy what exact attributes and interests do you have that you deem could only be considered a “boy thing”?

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 02/10/2023 21:15

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 02/10/2023 20:44

I'm a tomboy, always have been. Its an easy way to describe me and everyone knows what i mean when i say it. Same as when women say they are 'girly girls'...its a description

I agree. A tomboy is just a description that everyone knows what it means. George from the Famous Five was described as that and she was an iconic badass. Nobody liked drippy Anne with her housewifey skills!

SecretShambles · 02/10/2023 21:16

It's far preferable to the modern 'gender non conforming ' or 'nonbinary' .

At least tomboys are recognised as girls