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Original poster

To think the phrase “tomboy” is outdated?

125 replies

weathersweater · 02/10/2023 20:39

So a girl who doesn’t like wearing dresses, or the colour pink and likes playing football - why can’t she not just be a girl who likes xyz?

Why do we need to categorise likes and interests with having a certain gender attached to them?

OP posts:
DyslexicPoster · 02/10/2023 23:02

I say my dd is a boy in a dress. She looks very girly, pink, sparkles, teddies but she kicks butt. She doesn't want to be a boy.

loveloveloveme · 02/10/2023 23:08

BibbleandSqwauk · 02/10/2023 20:47

It might be dated but I'm mourning the fact that apparently you CAN'T be a girl who likes "boy things" anymore...you must actually really be a boy in the wrong body and must undergo all sorts of physical and social changes to fit that. Scares the shit out of me how retrograde that step is.

Very much this for me too.
You can't change your chromosomes after all.
I'm not an anything phobe or a TERF or whatever that word is, before anyone starts and I completely agree that for the minority of people that there are that are born in the wrong body, they should definitely go ahead and have whatever surgery etc they like when they are adults and able to make a informed choice. Everyone should be allowed to do as they please, but not at the expense at children's wellbeing and it appears to me that this idea of trans has become "fashionable" just now.

VivienneDelacroix · 02/10/2023 23:10

DyslexicPoster · 02/10/2023 23:02

I say my dd is a boy in a dress. She looks very girly, pink, sparkles, teddies but she kicks butt. She doesn't want to be a boy.

So she's a girl? She's not a boy in a dress or a tomboy. Girls do not have to be delicate flowers. Equating a kick-ass girl to a boy of some description limits our view of what a girl is.

Original poster
weathersweater · 02/10/2023 23:12

DyslexicPoster · 02/10/2023 23:02

I say my dd is a boy in a dress. She looks very girly, pink, sparkles, teddies but she kicks butt. She doesn't want to be a boy.

And girls can’t kick butt? What an awful lesson to teach your daughter.

OP posts:
TrickorTreacle · 02/10/2023 23:16

I'm glad we don't use tomboy or "poof" any more, the latter being the opposite where a guy likes girly things. It's fine for a girl to like boy things and vice versa. However, gender and trans politics have gone overboard and that everything now has to be gendered. Anyone who doesn't adhere to this is immediately labelled as transphobic because that is how hive-mindedness works. Gender politics have become an indoctrine.

Natalya123 · 02/10/2023 23:18

I'd imagine most tomboys are now transmen.

PurpleMonkeys · 02/10/2023 23:20

Tomboys were the best girls to hang out with at school. Jumping off roofs, climbing trees, smoking, generally looking down our noses at the girly girly girls who couldn't have fun in case they got dirty.. (I'm generalizing, don't shoot me..)

Most my friends these days would likely be pushed to trans or Non Binary nonsense.

It's a damned shame.

Original poster
weathersweater · 02/10/2023 23:27

Natalya123 · 02/10/2023 23:18

I'd imagine most tomboys are now transmen.

Based on what quantitative data?

OP posts:
loveloveloveme · 02/10/2023 23:29

Just going to leave this here:

www.transgendertrend.com

Let's let kids be kids.

VivienneDelacroix · 03/10/2023 01:21

PurpleMonkeys · 02/10/2023 23:20

Tomboys were the best girls to hang out with at school. Jumping off roofs, climbing trees, smoking, generally looking down our noses at the girly girly girls who couldn't have fun in case they got dirty.. (I'm generalizing, don't shoot me..)

Most my friends these days would likely be pushed to trans or Non Binary nonsense.

It's a damned shame.

They wouldn't at all.
DS goes to school with two girls who play football at national level - never any such suggestion.
Other DS has a friend who wears trousers, no make up, short hair, is into cars. Again no such suggestion.
A girl I know is a boxer. No such suggestion.
A boy we know is a ballroom dancer. Another is the only boy in his tap class. No such suggestion.
My own dd only wears trousers to school, has short hair, is mistaken for a boy in shops etc, gets into scraps (I'm not proud). Guess what ? NO SUCH SUGGESTION.

I could literally go on and on. This isn't happening. When young people are legitimately questioning their gender then people are having conversations with them. But no one is pushing children or young people to "become " trans because of the way they dress or what they enjoy doing.

HoneyBadgerMom · 03/10/2023 01:25

It would be really cool if we could stop obsessing over labels and just let kids be kids.

NumberTheory · 03/10/2023 01:27

weathersweater · 02/10/2023 22:51

Liking that label makes anyone an absolute pick me.

Show quote history

What do you mean by that?

Did you dislike the label as a kid? Did it hurt you? Because my experience of it was that wearing it proudly was great communication. It was a quick way of explaining that I wasn’t into what many adults expected of me as a girl. And so they left me alone more and eased off on the well intentioned but hated and quite damaging pressure to conform to their idea of feminine.

HoneyBadgerMom · 03/10/2023 01:27

VivienneDelacroix · 03/10/2023 01:21

They wouldn't at all.
DS goes to school with two girls who play football at national level - never any such suggestion.
Other DS has a friend who wears trousers, no make up, short hair, is into cars. Again no such suggestion.
A girl I know is a boxer. No such suggestion.
A boy we know is a ballroom dancer. Another is the only boy in his tap class. No such suggestion.
My own dd only wears trousers to school, has short hair, is mistaken for a boy in shops etc, gets into scraps (I'm not proud). Guess what ? NO SUCH SUGGESTION.

I could literally go on and on. This isn't happening. When young people are legitimately questioning their gender then people are having conversations with them. But no one is pushing children or young people to "become " trans because of the way they dress or what they enjoy doing.

Show quote history

That is false. There are myriad reports of teachers in the states "secretly" transitioning children. There are mothers (MOTHERS) taking their children from their fathers for the express purpose of forcibly transitioning them.

Children are absolutely being pushed and groomed to be "trans." That is why any time someone comes out post transition and goes public to talk about how they were pushed and groomed by doctors and teachers and even parents, they are silenced, attacked, threatened and "canceled."

lifeturnsonadime · 03/10/2023 08:47

VivienneDelacroix · 03/10/2023 01:21

They wouldn't at all.
DS goes to school with two girls who play football at national level - never any such suggestion.
Other DS has a friend who wears trousers, no make up, short hair, is into cars. Again no such suggestion.
A girl I know is a boxer. No such suggestion.
A boy we know is a ballroom dancer. Another is the only boy in his tap class. No such suggestion.
My own dd only wears trousers to school, has short hair, is mistaken for a boy in shops etc, gets into scraps (I'm not proud). Guess what ? NO SUCH SUGGESTION.

I could literally go on and on. This isn't happening. When young people are legitimately questioning their gender then people are having conversations with them. But no one is pushing children or young people to "become " trans because of the way they dress or what they enjoy doing.

Show quote history

This is complete bollocks.

It does happen, my daughter is a cricketer and wears clothes and hair in 'boys' styles. She also wore shorts or trousers when she was in school.

Many people assume and ask if she's trans.

You are ignoring the statistics of children who are identifying as trans. I'll ask again where do you think they are getting the idea they are trans from?

SpringingChicken · 03/10/2023 08:50

It’s a sexist term and I didn’t think many people used it any more. It was used to describe my daughter when she was little many years ago and I cringed then. Esp as people said it as a ‘compliment’.

SpringingChicken · 03/10/2023 08:57

weathersweater · 02/10/2023 22:51

Liking that label makes anyone an absolute pick me.

Show quote history

I am agreeing with your comments on this thread. It is seen as such a compliment to be like a boy. How many men would say that they like being compared to a girl when they were younger? I wonder if it was ever seen as a compliment by anyone?

PurpleMonkeys · 03/10/2023 10:03

VivienneDelacroix · 03/10/2023 01:21

They wouldn't at all.
DS goes to school with two girls who play football at national level - never any such suggestion.
Other DS has a friend who wears trousers, no make up, short hair, is into cars. Again no such suggestion.
A girl I know is a boxer. No such suggestion.
A boy we know is a ballroom dancer. Another is the only boy in his tap class. No such suggestion.
My own dd only wears trousers to school, has short hair, is mistaken for a boy in shops etc, gets into scraps (I'm not proud). Guess what ? NO SUCH SUGGESTION.

I could literally go on and on. This isn't happening. When young people are legitimately questioning their gender then people are having conversations with them. But no one is pushing children or young people to "become " trans because of the way they dress or what they enjoy doing.

Show quote history

Your sample size is pathetic.
Widen your parameters.
Anecdotal evidence isn't evidence. Etc.

Blackbyrd · 03/10/2023 11:12

@VivienneDelacroix could literally go on and on. Making things up..

cryinglaughing · 03/10/2023 11:18

My dd has had cropped hair since being 5.
Sadly, she is asked again and again if she is transgender and was all the way through school. Continually bullied by Asian boys until yr10 when she had enough and punched a year 11. They left her alone after that.

So in her case, tomboy would have been far preferable.
She now works in a male dominated industry where she is accepted for the bright, sparky girl she is. They couldn't give 2 hoots she doesn't conform to societal norms!

cryinglaughing · 03/10/2023 11:19

@VivienneDelacroix your experience is the polar opposite to what my dd has experienced.
Maybe it is a regional thing.

Raineverywhere · 03/10/2023 11:48

VivienneDelacroix · 03/10/2023 01:21

They wouldn't at all.
DS goes to school with two girls who play football at national level - never any such suggestion.
Other DS has a friend who wears trousers, no make up, short hair, is into cars. Again no such suggestion.
A girl I know is a boxer. No such suggestion.
A boy we know is a ballroom dancer. Another is the only boy in his tap class. No such suggestion.
My own dd only wears trousers to school, has short hair, is mistaken for a boy in shops etc, gets into scraps (I'm not proud). Guess what ? NO SUCH SUGGESTION.

I could literally go on and on. This isn't happening. When young people are legitimately questioning their gender then people are having conversations with them. But no one is pushing children or young people to "become " trans because of the way they dress or what they enjoy doing.

Show quote history

Maybe it doesn’t happen if the child is happy and well-adjusted.

I think it is happening if the child is unhappy, confused or struggling in the early teen years, and is referred to camhs etc. It's probably one of the reasons autistic girls are over-represented in the trans-identifying population.

Also a lot is happening online.

hydriotaphia · 03/10/2023 12:10

I remember my mum telling me that word was sexist when I was a kid (I think after I read it in a book and asked her what it meant), and I'm in my mid 30s. I haven't heard it for years.

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 03/10/2023 12:25

It’s a very Enid Blyton phrase.

Finlesswonder · 03/10/2023 12:32

You would hate the French term, it's "garcon manqué", aka "kissed boy" aka "missed [out on being a] boy".

I wonder where the 'tom' in 'tomboy' comes from

JaneJeffer · 03/10/2023 13:00

but I don't align myself to everything which society says is female-coded
We're going to need a check list

Liking that label makes anyone an absolute pick me
Pick me for what?