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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at my friend putting a nappy on her 4 year old to avoid a break in their journey?

131 replies

notanothernamechange · 06/03/2008 11:49

OK so name changed as don't want the mum in question to recognise me...

Was recently really shocked when a friend of mine put a nappy on her 4 year old ds because 'we have a long journey and don't want to stop so if you need to go to the toilet you can just go in your nappy'

This is not a boy who has only been recently potty trained and might have an accident - he has been using the toilet for a couple of years now. I would understand if it was to avoid an accident but for convenience alone I thought it a bit unfair.

AIBU to find this really humiliating and degrading for her poor ds? Who really didn't want to have the nappy on? I was totally shocked I have to admit but then my oldest is only just 2 and I am in denial about potty training so maybe this is normal?

OP posts:
motherinferior · 06/03/2008 11:51

I do find it a bit weird tbh, kind of understandable but weird. What's wrong with a 'now we're getting out to go to the loo, I don't CARE if you don't feel like a wee now, we're having a wee break', eh?

I cannot imagine what DD2 would do if I tried putting a nappy on her.

CarGirl · 06/03/2008 11:52

Well if I was going on a long like 4 hour journey on the motorway I wouldn't put a nappy on my 4 year old but I may but a care mat underneath. There is no way I'm risking their lives by parking on the hard shoulder so they can have a wee if they can't wait until the next service station!

seeker · 06/03/2008 11:54

We used to drive t visit grandparents regularly, and we always used to set off at bed time so they'd sleep on the journey. I admit I used to persuade ds to wear a pull up for quite a long time after he was completely dry so that we wouldn't have the sudden wakeing up nad needing to pee 20 minutes fro the nearest service station. But I wouldn't have done it if he didn't want to.

SheherazadetheGoat · 06/03/2008 11:54

weirdarama. dd is 4 is better than me at holding on.

Original poster
notanothernamechange · 06/03/2008 11:55

Yes thats a fair point cargirl.

But I would do like motherinferior and just stop for a wee break or ask my ds to tell me when he needed to go in time for us to stop. Or am I being a bit silly thinking a 4 year old would be able to tell me in time? Like I say mine is only just 2!

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 06/03/2008 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

choosyfloosy · 06/03/2008 11:56

I wouldn't do this, but mainly because it is inevitable that what ds will need during a journey is a POO and I was very very very happy to leave cleaning up pooey nappies behind.

I have to say though that my dh likes to stop on long journeys a minimum of every 90 minutes - I found this irksome at first (my family being very much of the 'hammer on for 18 hours with one stop to pee in a ditch' school) but have got used to it and it's certainly better for children. Possibly one of the parents is of the sort who cannot hack stops and makes annoying sighs and gets angry, and the other parent is focused on preventing this anger, rather than comfort for the child

needahand · 06/03/2008 11:56

I would be shocked too. And I do think it is a little selfish too. Poor kid.

bozza · 06/03/2008 11:57

I don't think this is on TBH. My DD who is 3.9 would kick up a huge fuss.

SheherazadetheGoat · 06/03/2008 11:57

[wonders is cf is dh's sister]

Oliveoil · 06/03/2008 11:58

well I am planning on putting a pull up on dd2 (3.6yrs) when we fly to Australia as I do not want her peeing all over the place if/when (please God) she falls asleep

dd1 has been dry at night since she was 3 so will not have to bother with her

on a motorway journey, no, you stop and let them run about at the services surely and go for a pee while you are there?

WanderingTrolley · 06/03/2008 11:58

I don't see a problem tbh.

The 4 year old might be ok about it, not necessarily feel babied or humiliated at all. If he's compliant, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

I've got toddlers to wee in a nappy in favour of spending half an hour in search of a loo.

Original poster
notanothernamechange · 06/03/2008 11:59

I can understand people doing it for a while after they are toilet trained just in case though rather than instructing them to just go in the nappy rather than tell you when they need to stop.

He was well well beyond this stage though - probably been toilet trained almost as long as not!

OP posts:
belgo · 06/03/2008 11:59

Maybe they expected her to fall asleep? it's very common for a four year old to need a nappy when sleeping.

belgo · 06/03/2008 12:00

and very commonn for four year olds to sleep during a long car journey (if you're lucky!)

Original poster
notanothernamechange · 06/03/2008 12:00

Waderingtrolley that was just it though - he really really didn't want the nappy on. Went along with it in the end but didn't want it

OP posts:
belgo · 06/03/2008 12:00

I mean him, not her.

motherinferior · 06/03/2008 12:00

But he did feel babied.

Having said that I belong to the school of allowing a desperate child to pee behind a tree on the way home from school . And when DD2 was rather smaller she was a corker at pooing directly into a nappy bag. (Hold bag round bum, wipe with wipes, knot bag and dispose in a dog-poo bin if you're in the park - I do think this is a skill all parents of recently toilet-trained children should work on.)

Cam · 06/03/2008 12:01

YANBU

I too am

Its better and safer for everyone to build stops into the journey, for the driver to get a break from the driving as well

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 06/03/2008 12:01

OP Won't she recognise you from the post?

Original poster
notanothernamechange · 06/03/2008 12:01

I didn't realise it was common for a 4 year old to need a nappy when sleeping. That sheds a different light on it

OP posts:
belgo · 06/03/2008 12:02

it's actually normal for some children to need a nappy up until the age of six when they are sleeping.

SheherazadetheGoat · 06/03/2008 12:02

i once 'caught' a poo in myhand.

motherinferior · 06/03/2008 12:03

It's not uncommon, but not all of them do.

WanderingTrolley · 06/03/2008 12:03

Oh, sorry, missed the bit about him not wanting the nappy on.

In that case, it wasn't the right thing to do. If he didn't care much, I wouldn't be bothered, but as he did object, I don't think forcing him into the nappy was right at all. I wouldn't do that.