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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at my friend putting a nappy on her 4 year old to avoid a break in their journey?

131 replies

notanothernamechange · 06/03/2008 11:49

OK so name changed as don't want the mum in question to recognise me...

Was recently really shocked when a friend of mine put a nappy on her 4 year old ds because 'we have a long journey and don't want to stop so if you need to go to the toilet you can just go in your nappy'

This is not a boy who has only been recently potty trained and might have an accident - he has been using the toilet for a couple of years now. I would understand if it was to avoid an accident but for convenience alone I thought it a bit unfair.

AIBU to find this really humiliating and degrading for her poor ds? Who really didn't want to have the nappy on? I was totally shocked I have to admit but then my oldest is only just 2 and I am in denial about potty training so maybe this is normal?

OP posts:
TidyTink · 06/03/2008 15:32

I dont see the problem!!!

My DD (3.3) has been potty trained for around 5 months, but very occasionally on long journeys or sometimes short ones where i may not be able to find a loo, i will definately put a nappy on her!

Christ, its not going to scar the child for life is it

TidyTink · 06/03/2008 15:33

And my DD often wants no nappy, no knickers....doesnt mean its cruel to put them on her

Peachy · 06/03/2008 15:35

OO of course it's bloody dangerous to stop on the ahrd shoulder, it is also illegal.

I'd rather have to dry a toddler, and put new clothes on myself but then i'm funny like that- putting danger of death above inconvenience and all.

robin3 · 06/03/2008 15:38

If the child doesn't care then what's the harm. Obviously you wouldn't want a child to be stuck in a car for hours without getting out to run around but other than that I think my DS (4.5) would think a nappy was a great idea. If I said 'i know, just in case you need a wee on the journey lets put a pull-up on'. He'd probably say 'that's a good idea Mummy'.

Maybe we should patent in-car absorbent pants for adults!

Oliveoil · 06/03/2008 15:38

I thought it was illegal too

I would screech HOLD ON and then go to the nearest services

dd2 pissed all over her pants in Tesco's the other day (my fault for not holding her over the toilet properly)

she staggered about saying "it is a bit wet mummy" with wet knickers and pants whilst I bought new ones

bless

3madboys · 06/03/2008 15:47

i agree with victorian squalor on p2 seriously i dont see why it such a big deal, not all kids can give enough notice and if they fall asleep they may wet themselves, in a nappy it will be absorbed and keeps clothes and car seats dry and the child comfortable.

Peachy · 06/03/2008 15:49

Highway code:

'You MUST NOT stop on the carriageway, hard shoulder, slip road, central reservation or verge except in an emergency, or when told to do so by the police, HA traffic officers in uniform, an emergency sign or by flashing red light signals. '

Oliveoil · 06/03/2008 15:51

"but it was an emergency Officer, little Jocasta was about to pee her pretty little pants"

Peachy · 06/03/2008 15:53

PMSl

VictorianSqualor · 06/03/2008 16:30

I really can't believe all the people that think stopping on the hard shoulder is better than wearing a nappy!
My goodness, you could cause major incidents!

bookwormmum · 06/03/2008 16:42

You could always copy Alex Ferguson - drive down the hard shoulder to speed your journey to a toilet.

I can't recall if he got away with or not - maybe he should have worn nappy .

2shoes · 06/03/2008 17:35

aggree with VictorianSqualor

TheFallenMadonna · 06/03/2008 17:40

This is reminding me about the astronaut who wore a nappy so she could drive all night to murder her love rival. Or something.

I remember thinking 'how long would it really take to have a loo stop'?

Anyway...

Zazette · 06/03/2008 17:51

Please don't ever stop on the hard shoulder unless you REALLY have to. Someone I know stopped on the hard shoulder of a motorway because her little one needed attention. A lorry hit their car, she was killed and the child is severely disabled. My friend's death was a terrible loss to many people who loved her, and her family's lives have been changed for ever in the most dreadful way. Hard shoulders are not a good place for comfort stops.

michymama · 06/03/2008 18:05

When we flew over to uk at xmas, my son had a dicky tummy and had already "messed" himself once. I spoke to him and asked him if he wanted to wear a nappy so if he had an accident he wouldn't get it all over his clothes on the plane. He was willing and sure enough when the accident happened we were relieved he had the nappy on ! He was 3 nearly 4 btw.

soopermum1 · 06/03/2008 20:37

i take DS (aged 4)on long car journeys and don't use nappies or anything like that. we drive to scotland which would prob take 7 hours without a break, but can sometimes take 9 hours with breaks, but i think it's important to have breaks to go to the toilet and stretch legs, etc. just make him go whenever we stop off

mm22bys · 06/03/2008 22:22

Regardless of the real dangers of stopping on the hard shooulder, aren't you supposed to stop for a break every two hours anyway?

mimi03 · 07/03/2008 08:38

totally out of order imo.

PortAndLemon · 07/03/2008 09:06

I think there's a difference between telling a 4yo that he has to wear a nappy because "we have a long journey and don't want to stop so if you need to go to the toilet you can just go in your nappy" (as in the OP) and telling him that he has to wear a nappy because "you might really need to do a wee when we're not near anywhere we can stop, but tell us if you need to go and we will try to stop so you can use the toilet" (as in VS's example). The nappy itself isn't really the problem so much as the presentation.

pruners · 07/03/2008 09:10

Message withdrawn

tori32 · 07/03/2008 09:44

I had to stop on the hard shoulder with dd at 5mths because we were stuck in traffic, I was driving and she was screaming to be fed. It was far more dangerous and distracting listening to her screaming than to pull over and feed her. BTW, a traffic officer pulled in behind me and was very sympathetic and waited until I had finished until he left me. How do you think our parents coped without pullups/ disposables etc for long journeys? I know mine just pulled over and did as I do.

The case of the tragic accident that someone posted was just that, unfortunate and tragic. The child in question is 4y and should be able to hold going until the next junction, where you can pull of anyway.

Peachy · 07/03/2008 09:47

You were 'lucky' Tori- theoretically they could have pressed cahrges against you, many would- we were stopped on the hard shoulder when SN ds3 escaped from his special car harness and was wwanderinga bout the vehicle, and got a warning then, far more life threatening situation IMO!

MegaMindy · 07/03/2008 09:50

I'm really surprised that people think it's ok to stop on the hard shoulder for anything other then an absolute emergency. The only time I've ever stopped on the head shoulder was when the car broke down, and it was very scarey, cars and lorries whizzing by at 90 mph or whatever.

We always leave the motorway if anyone needs a toilet stop.

Peachy · 07/03/2008 09:58

It is scary yes- only reason we did was because he was lunging for the car windows and would have just jumped out (he was in the back of an espace, we couldn't rieach him)- even then I wouldn't say was the right decision.

Certainly never, ever for any kind of toilet or feed break! I am sure Ir ead somewhere that statistically the HS is the most dangerous place to be on the M-Way

Piffle · 07/03/2008 09:59

rather than pull over with dd I leant over her carseat and dangled the nipple overhead. All seatbelts on no traffic violation occurred. Stopping on the hard shoulder is for emergencies! Feeding and toiletting may seem like an emergency but when you put into context of what hard shoulders are intended for. I'd never take the risk.