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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at my friend putting a nappy on her 4 year old to avoid a break in their journey?

131 replies

notanothernamechange · 06/03/2008 11:49

OK so name changed as don't want the mum in question to recognise me...

Was recently really shocked when a friend of mine put a nappy on her 4 year old ds because 'we have a long journey and don't want to stop so if you need to go to the toilet you can just go in your nappy'

This is not a boy who has only been recently potty trained and might have an accident - he has been using the toilet for a couple of years now. I would understand if it was to avoid an accident but for convenience alone I thought it a bit unfair.

AIBU to find this really humiliating and degrading for her poor ds? Who really didn't want to have the nappy on? I was totally shocked I have to admit but then my oldest is only just 2 and I am in denial about potty training so maybe this is normal?

OP posts:
laura032004 · 06/03/2008 13:17

Are they really uncomfortable in a nappy? I hope not? DS1 is wet at night still, and after he has his nappy on, will wee in it, awake or asleep (e.g. if I put it on, then he's not sleepy, and takes ages to go to sleep, he might wee in between). He certainly doesn't care about it.

I would probably do this, but for different reasons. DS2 is an awful traveller. If he was asleep, I would move heaven and earth to keep him that way, and travelling by myself (as I do frequently), I couldn't stop to take DS1 to a service station loo (or even a pee in the carpark ) without waking DS2. As DS1 is happy to wee in a nappy (perhaps this is why I wouldn't care about doing it), I wouldn't think twice about someone putting a nappy on their child.

minorityrules · 06/03/2008 13:19

We used to carry an empty bottle for our boy, he used to think peeing in it was hilarious and I'm sure he'd pee without really needing to, just so he could

nervousal · 06/03/2008 13:33

I think that is terrible to put a nappy on a 4 year old just to avoid having to stop. Does she put one on herself or dh - or are they important enought to stop the care for.

Re not thinking twice about putting a nappy on a child - surely there is a limit though? especially if said child id toilet trained.

My dd (4) would not let me put a nappy on her.

VictorianSqualor · 06/03/2008 13:36

What do all these people who say a nappy is a Bad Thing do when on a motorway and there is NOWHERE to stop?

mrsruffallo · 06/03/2008 13:37

YANBU. It is very unfair- a child that age knows when they have been to the toilet and to make him sit in it is disgraceful.

mrsruffallo · 06/03/2008 13:38

There re places to stop- a four year old can give you plenty of warning and hold it awhile

VictorianSqualor · 06/03/2008 13:43

MrsR, the last journey I went on with DS(3) he went to the toilet at the service station.
About ten minutes later he tells us he needs a wee, cue me and DP asking 'are you sure youve only just been' and telling him to hang on til we could stop, we couldn't stop, it was a motorway, there are miles and miles between some junctions.
He wet himself.
Yes, making them sit in it is disgraceful, especially if they're in their clothes that aren't designed for it rather than a nppy that is and then changing said nappy as soon as you can stop.

mrsruffallo · 06/03/2008 13:44

I think this child is older than your ds.

VictorianSqualor · 06/03/2008 13:54

By about 6 months, not necessarily a factor IMO.
Children learn to hold their bladder at different ages.
At 2 Dd would have easily waited, but DS is different.

mrsruffallo · 06/03/2008 13:58

Maybe nearer a year older?
I think it is a factor- as the body and brain mature so quickly in children you may find that in 6 months he will have much more control.
Good luck

ALMummy · 06/03/2008 14:00

Dont think it is right. DS would have had a fit if I tried to put a nappy on him at 4.

kitsmummy · 06/03/2008 14:05

I don't think it's right either and the original post notes that the nappy's on there for the parents convenience so they don't have to bother to stop, not cos they're afraid the child will wet themself. I don't think you should get a child potty trained (for 2 whole years!) and then tell them to wet themselves cos you can't be arsed to stop for a bit.

mrsruffallo · 06/03/2008 14:08

agree km

bookwormmum · 06/03/2008 14:11

It's a bit odd but maybe there's something you don't know - has her ds got a uti for example and won't be able to hold on?

I come from a families where you go before you go out (I still do if I'm popping round to buy the paper or post a letter.... just in case) and then regular stops en route, like them or not since the odds are that the one who didn't want to go, wants to go the instant you leave the services. You never know where the next 10-mile tailback will be.

Equally I never set foot on a longish journey without a drink and nibbles in the car but that's another story .

tori32 · 06/03/2008 14:17

YANBU! . How degrading for her poor ds . At 4 he is completely able to hold on for long enough to either use the toilet or for them to pull over for him to pee in a hedge/ hardshoulder. We didn't even put dd 2.1y in a pullup for a 5hr journey. Makes me when people are so lazy.

tori32 · 06/03/2008 14:20

victoriansqualor I had dd on the hard shoulder squatting to wee on the M6 Unfortunately she has now got a taste for weeing al fresco and prefers it to the public toilet!

nervousal · 06/03/2008 14:22

but why not just stop the blessed car and let them have a wee?????

kslatts · 06/03/2008 14:40

I wouldn't do it, but don't think it is that bad. We have been on the motorway before and dd2 has announced she is desperate for the toilet just after we have driven past a service station and she is 6.

JayneF · 06/03/2008 14:58

I thinkit is bone idleness, selfishness and shows absurd priotities. Would anybody really be happy to sit in their own urine or feaces rather than add 10 mins at a service station...I think not!!

tori32 · 06/03/2008 15:03

You don't even have to wait for a service station, parents have been squatting kids on grass verges since time began!!

Peachy · 06/03/2008 15:06

They do this qute often on carnival floats as we can't stop them mid procession for kids to wee- 12 tonnes of generator going over your head worse than a wet child imo.

But generally i find that if I keep a sharpened stick in the front to poke them with every time they request the loo, and place electrodes in the car seat for biofeedback on wet seats, they learn quite fast

TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 06/03/2008 15:08

Hmmmmm. I can't call this as it really depends on the child and what time they were travelling. I wouldn't force a child to wear one though and if you are going to travel with children then you have to accept their needs.

Obviously if you have a big horrible 4x4 like me, the DCs can stand in the boot and use a potty. Then you can fling the contents at all the people who are scowling at your car.

Oliveoil · 06/03/2008 15:21

it is dangerous surely to stop on the hard shoulder to pee?

tori32 · 06/03/2008 15:26

No, not really. I try to make sure her seat is on the passenger side so that I am not stepping into traffic IYSWIM and even if it isn't on that side I would still get her out of the passenger side so I am away from traffic. Walk carrying her on to the grass verge and pull pants down, hold in squat position. If I thought she would do a runner then I would put reins on first, but dd isn't that way inclined.

tori32 · 06/03/2008 15:27

Or you could just pull off the next junction rather than the hard shoulder if you felt it was unsafe.

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