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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at my friend putting a nappy on her 4 year old to avoid a break in their journey?

131 replies

notanothernamechange · 06/03/2008 11:49

OK so name changed as don't want the mum in question to recognise me...

Was recently really shocked when a friend of mine put a nappy on her 4 year old ds because 'we have a long journey and don't want to stop so if you need to go to the toilet you can just go in your nappy'

This is not a boy who has only been recently potty trained and might have an accident - he has been using the toilet for a couple of years now. I would understand if it was to avoid an accident but for convenience alone I thought it a bit unfair.

AIBU to find this really humiliating and degrading for her poor ds? Who really didn't want to have the nappy on? I was totally shocked I have to admit but then my oldest is only just 2 and I am in denial about potty training so maybe this is normal?

OP posts:
MegaMindy · 07/03/2008 10:00

it's difficult though when they know how to 'escape' from their car seat.

MegaMindy · 07/03/2008 10:01

I learnt how to do that as well Piffle, it gave me shoulder ache though!

tori32 · 07/03/2008 10:06

It wasn't a bf, it was a 2 course freshly prepped pot of solid food! I couldn't spoon and drive.

tori32 · 07/03/2008 10:07

Piffle, I was driving and had no other adult in the car.

SmartAlec · 07/03/2008 11:05

The hard shoulder of a motorway is for breakdowns and genuine emergencies such as being in the middle of a heart attack. Stopping on the hard shoulder to feed a baby or let a toddler pee is just fucking nuts. Apart from the fact that you are risking your life and that of your loved ones, you could cause a multiple pile-up involving hundreds of other people.

Thousands of people a year worldwide are swiped by passing traffic. The mere fact that you are advised never ever to stay in your car if you HAVE to stop on the hard shoulder should be enough to alert people to the fact that it's dangerous, no?

Just another example of some people thinking the world revolves around them, imo. Definitely better to wear a nappy.

Our car smelled of wee for seven years. At least we are all still alive.

duchesse · 07/03/2008 11:06

Sorry, that SmartAlec is me- forgot to change me name back.

2shoes · 07/03/2008 11:51

me thinks tori is on a wind up

Piffle · 07/03/2008 15:06

Methinks tori is not planning her journeys around her kids needs particularly well.

2shoes · 07/03/2008 15:24

me thinks piffle is right

hifi · 07/03/2008 15:32

i put dd one on when we go on long journeys, she wont wee in it its just if she falls asleep, in a traffic jam for 2 hours on m1, she was dying to go, she wouldnt wee in her nappy though, she held it till we stopped at services.

Journey · 07/03/2008 15:42

For the OP to say she is "totally shocked" is a bit strong. I think the real issue here is her perceived lack of confidence in her ability to potty train, so she's putting down her friend. Not very nice.

If OP had phrased her question by asking is this normal/okay/odd rather than "totally shocked" then she would be reflecting her lack of experience and general need for advice or curiousty to this situation.

tori32 · 07/03/2008 22:00

2shoes seriously I am not on a wind up, it really is what happened.

piffle I do plan my journies very well. We stop at every other available stop, stop if dd says she needs the toilet. Unfortunately I cannot control all the traffic on a 5hr journey. If she needs to go between services (she has only been potty trained 2 mths) I stop and let her pee. She cannot reasonably be expected to hold it for more than 10-15mins at 2.2yo.

2shoes · 07/03/2008 22:04

you must be
no one would seriously think it was sensible to stop on the hard shoulder for a wee.

tori32 · 07/03/2008 22:08

And more sensible to worry about dd the whole time I am driving, that she will soak her car seat and have to sit in it for however long after that/ have a screaming child distracting my attention from the road because she is hungry... Actually I think the distraction is more dangerous than stopping and sorting the problem.

Piffle · 07/03/2008 22:13

buy a piddle pad, or use a nappy if she cannot hold on for 20 mins.
I've got 3 kids one with special needs and do frequent travelling and not once has any kid peed or poo'd in the car, because we plan for them just incase.
Never ever stopped on a hard shoulder but plenty of times I'v let the kids bellow for 10 mins til we got somewhere safe.
Shit happens!

2shoes · 07/03/2008 22:16

tori ffs just put a pull up one her. or would you rather staop on the hard shoulder and get both of you killed.
like piffle I have a sn dd and if I can sort her out for a journey. without endangering our lives I am sure you can. i wouldn't even stop on the hard shoulder if she was having a fit.

2GIRLS · 07/03/2008 22:23

I think it's an awful thing to do to a 4 yr old. It's one thing to put a pull up on a child that has just been potty trained and may have an accident or on a child who isn't night trained, but on a totally dry 4 year old is quite wrong.
They are aware of enough at that age to know what a nappy is and that babies have them adn it sounds as if he was forced to wear it. I feel very sorry for that child.
What on earth is wrong with stopping every so often for toilet breaks?

chunkychips · 07/03/2008 22:25

I put one on my ds (4.7), it was one of his sisters. we were stuck in a huge traffic jam and had been in it for over an hour, so couldn't get out of the car and had nothing else to do. It's hardly child abuse. He didn't give a monkey's, in fact it was a huge relief because he was getting quite upset about not being able to go and thought he would wet himself. I put one of his own on him when we're going long distance in case he falls asleep because he doesn't wake up to go. If he was dead against it I would have to rethink, but it made perfect sense in that situation. Sometimes it's just not possible to stop (motorway between service stations) and my son doesn't tend to let me know he needs to go until it's desperate.

Twinklemegan · 07/03/2008 22:25

How long was the journey? I don't personally agree with the nappy, but I'm much more concerned at the concept of doing a long journey without any rest stops - that's just dangerous and stupid.

Surfermum · 07/03/2008 22:26

We found the most fantastic pub in Devon because dd (4) needed to go the the loo.

I think it's a difficult call to make about someone else's child. If it were dd, I wouldn't put her in a pull up, she'd hate it and we've done plenty of long journeys for me to know that I don't need to, she will hold on. But when she had a urine infection and wasn't able to "hold" it might have been something I'd consider.

It's her child and she knows them. I guess only she knows if it's a practical solution, or if she's thinking about herself rather than her child.

And I agree with PortandLemon, the language used to explain it to the child is important.

Elasticwoman · 07/03/2008 22:32

I think I would have put a nappy on my dd at 4 if there had been one big enough! She frequently wet the car seat and the stress of her saying she wanted the toilet while I also had a sleeping baby in the car while cruising down the motorway still brings me out in boils. A decade or so later.

cumfy · 24/08/2010 21:24

At 4 I used a bottle.

Just make sure the bottle's big enough Blush.

Needanewname · 24/08/2010 21:32

we recently had a long car journey (13 hours incl breaks) we had regular breaks but DD2 (nearly 4) has a bladder the size of a thimble and there were times she was so desperate to go to the loo that she'd be in tears (this was not long after a previous loo stop) and there was nowhere to pull over.

On the journey home she wore a nappy - not so she could pee herself but so if she couldn;t hold on until we got to a loo.

We're off again this weekend for another long journey and she will have a nappy on again, its for her comfort rather than our convenience, I am happy to stop whenever needed, but unfortunately some areas dont have regular convenient places to stop.

However DD1 has never had a problem holding it so i was never a problem.

I do think that sometimes with DD2 its a control issue, however it becomes a problem for the whole family when she is screaming the place down (well car!) because she needs a wee. And yes we've talked lots about telling us in plenty of time!

sunny2010 · 25/08/2010 09:53

I work with kids some cant hold on long at 4, some can. I dont see this is an issue and think that people judging it is ridiculous. Leave them to it.

Bumperlicious · 25/08/2010 10:19

This is a very old thread btw!