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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you wait for this person?

82 replies

DatingDisaster784 · 02/10/2023 16:37

Been dating someone for a year, I love them very much, they say they feel the same but there’s a massive issue -

We live 2 hours away from each other, they have a busy work schedule and a weekly sports commitment (think playing for a team) and they admit they don’t know when they are going to be able to make time for me or when they are going to be able to make me priority (they still make plans with friends and family just struggle to make any with me).

Would you wait for this person’s life to settle down a bit because you love them or move on?

OP posts:
Lizzieregina · 02/10/2023 16:38

Move on. You’re already not a priority.

ScepticalPerson · 02/10/2023 16:38

Move on. They're telling you how they feel the cowards way.

Overthebow · 02/10/2023 16:38

move on. If you’re not a priority after a year you’re not going to be.

Sarvanga38 · 02/10/2023 16:39

Move on. It will only ever get worse.

frazzledasarock · 02/10/2023 16:39

No.

they’re just not that into you. Ime if someone wants to be with you they make time and out on effort moreso if the amount of time you’re able to spend together is limited.

so nope I wouldn’t be sitting around waiting for said person to find they’ve run out of other options. I’m nobody’s last choice.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/10/2023 16:40

If you were the one for them, you would already be their priority.

DisforDarkChocolate · 02/10/2023 16:41

You're not even one of their top three. There is no point in waiting because you're only going down the list.

DisforDarkChocolate · 02/10/2023 16:41

You're not even one of their top three. There is no point in waiting because you're only going down the list.

Morphle · 02/10/2023 16:41

No. You deserve to be someone’s priority. Tell them to jog on

IncompleteSenten · 02/10/2023 16:42

No. I wouldn't hang around for someone I wasn't really important to.

WhatapityWapiti · 02/10/2023 16:42

Just not that into you. Move on (and buy the book).

Thebigblueballoon · 02/10/2023 16:43

Nope. After a year I’d expect it to be getting semi-serious and be one of his priorities. To be honest, this sounds a bit like an excuse and a feeble way to let
you down gently.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/10/2023 16:45

If they wanted to spend more time with you they'd find a way to make it happe . You've given them a year, time to move on and find someone who sees that you're worth making the effort for.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/10/2023 16:45

Depends what you want from the relationship.

If you're young and looking for marriage, kids etc then move on.

But if you're older, say 50, then this is how many people want their relationships to be. The nice bits of all worlds.

ConnieCooper · 02/10/2023 16:45

Leave them on a back burner if you care about them but also start seeing others

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/10/2023 16:46

(they still make plans with friends and family just struggle to make any with me).

This is a sign tbh, they do have time, they’re choosing not to spend it with you.

HernesEgg · 02/10/2023 16:47

arethereanyleftatall · 02/10/2023 16:45

Depends what you want from the relationship.

If you're young and looking for marriage, kids etc then move on.

But if you're older, say 50, then this is how many people want their relationships to be. The nice bits of all worlds.

Yes, I think that’s fair. Having said that, there are 50somethings who want cohabitation, marriage etc, and the OP sounds as if she might be one of them, which is not a good match with someone who isn’t into her enough to schedule seeing her, far less be remotely contemplating a relationship of increasing intensity culminating in some kind of commitment.

Thistooshallpass. · 02/10/2023 16:48

No.
If they are not really keen to see you in the early part of a relationship it's not going to get better .
They've basically told you that there are many things they would rather do than see you .
Get rid and don't settle for being treated like an option .

MustGetOutofBed · 02/10/2023 16:48

Overthebow · 02/10/2023 16:38

move on. If you’re not a priority after a year you’re not going to be.

Exactly!

VeridicalVagabond · 02/10/2023 16:48

No I wouldn't wait. Sometimes love just isn't enough to make something work.

Millybob · 02/10/2023 16:50

I wouldn't accept coming second to football - but you're not even coming second, are you?

StuffedToys · 02/10/2023 16:51

Don’t be a doormat. Please.

margotrose · 02/10/2023 16:52

When someone tells you who they are, listen.

He's not interested.

chopc · 02/10/2023 16:52

After a year you should be an absolute priority. Move on

felisha54 · 02/10/2023 16:54

You live 2 hours apart so it's not going to be easy. There's nothing wrong with him having a life with friends and hobbies, the issue is you live too far to have a midweek meal or drink etc.

Have either of you discussed moving?

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