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Original poster

Would you wait for this person?

82 replies

DatingDisaster784 · 02/10/2023 16:37

Been dating someone for a year, I love them very much, they say they feel the same but there’s a massive issue -

We live 2 hours away from each other, they have a busy work schedule and a weekly sports commitment (think playing for a team) and they admit they don’t know when they are going to be able to make time for me or when they are going to be able to make me priority (they still make plans with friends and family just struggle to make any with me).

Would you wait for this person’s life to settle down a bit because you love them or move on?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 03/10/2023 09:07

How can you think you love a person you barely see ?

Ofcourseshecan · 03/10/2023 09:10

they still make plans with friends and family just struggle to make any with me

This says you’re way down their priority list. I’d move on, unless you want a very casual relationship.

sodthesodoff · 03/10/2023 09:12

He has literally told you you're not a priority. After a year. And you never will be.

Why do you feel so desperate for this to work when you barely see him and he clearly never makes time for you?

Don't waste your life.

Bellaboo01 · 03/10/2023 09:13

Move on.

Elite Athletes still manage to have relationships etc. You aren't a priority and you probably will never be.

Riverlee · 03/10/2023 09:16

unfortunately, , he considers his life as a priority and us not including you in it. Ie. He could invite you to come and watch his games, meet you after training etc, but he doesn’t. You're basically waiting until he gives you permission to my set him. In an odd sort of way, it’s quite controlling. He’s dictating when you can my meet, rather than being a partnership.

NutellaNut · 03/10/2023 09:23

No sorry, OP, I would not wait for them. They don’t make time to see you, but still see other friends and family - that says it all. If they don’t make time for you fairly early in the relationship, it won’t get better. I was in a relationship with someone who lived 2 hours away (also both busy with jobs, kids, hobbies) but we absolutely made it work by meeting up half way every week (1 hour drive away each) plus either every weekend, or every other weekend, child care permitting. We now live together. A two hour distance is totally do-able if both partners want the relationship and make time for it. Sadly yours doesn’t seem to want it enough.

Cowlover89 · 03/10/2023 09:24

Move on

Whispersandsecrets · 03/10/2023 09:28

Nagado · 02/10/2023 18:31

I mean this with kindness, I really do. If he really, truly loved you, wild horses wouldn’t be able to keep him away from you. He clearly has a busy life and something has had to give in order for him to fit it all in. And of all the things he could have chosen as the least important to him, and the easiest thing to cut, he has chosen to cut spending time with you. If that isn’t a loud and clear message that you’re flogging a dead horse, I don’t know what is.

100% agree with the above.

Many many years ago when we were in our late 20’s early 30’s my now DH used to fly 12 hours to visit me the 10 months we had been apart. He also had a busy sports and work life. We were still in a newish relationship, I had only intended on being in the UK temporarily for work and travel, I had plans for when I went back home. Then I met him, we decided to give it a go. I went home to sort out my visa. I wasn’t sure if I was making the right decision changing my plans for a man but he was determined to show his commitment to me. Here we are still happily married 14 years later.

honeylulu · 03/10/2023 09:33

Only a year in - he should be mad about you and longing to spend time with you!

Busy life with long working hours fair enough but he makes time regularly for hobbies, family and friends but doesn't even seem to have given any thought to where you fit in.

Not worth pursuing. Find someone better (and nearer!)

HundredMilesAnHour · 03/10/2023 09:37

Move on. I can't believe you've already put up with this for a year. He's just not that into you or he'd make time. But he isn't and that tells you all you need to know. You're just convenient for when it suits him. 2 hours isn't exactly long distance so to only see him every 3 weeks makes it very clear you're way down his list of what matters.

MoonShinesBright · 03/10/2023 09:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/10/2023 09:39

DatingDisaster784 · 02/10/2023 17:18

I am late 20’s, I already have a child but ideally would like one more. We see each other every 3 weeks or so at the moment.

I did mention to them that other people also have hobbies and work and live long distance but can still make time for each other and the response I got back was “well everyone is different”.

Yup, some people prioritise their relationships and some don't. He wants to be free and single with guaranteed sex. Set the fishy free.

JustAboutHangingInThere · 03/10/2023 09:56

move on.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 03/10/2023 10:02

Me and dp were in a ldr (5 hours) for a year when we first got together. We saw each other every week and would alternate who made the drive (me one week then he would get the megacoach the next as he didn't drive)

We have been together 14 years now and he moved to me after a year. I neither of us ever felt like we weren't being prioritised. Distance is no excuse, if they want to make it work, they will. I would get rid tbh OP.

determinedtomakethiswork · 03/10/2023 10:05

You are just wasting time here. This person is prioritising everyone except you. You don't deserve that

gertrudemortimer · 03/10/2023 10:15

I'm just about to be closer to my bf but for the last 3 years he's worked in a different city and lived in another city on weekends 5 hours away! His work moved just as we started dating. A few times I've had to tell him he needs to prioritise me more and he's always done it when I tell him it's bothering me. Have you ever said you want to see him more? Perhaps he thinks you're happy with the current situation. I felt like a lemon, always waiting for him to say when we are meeting! Eventually we assigned days to each other and nothing gets in the way of them unless it's a holiday/wedding/illness! Could this be an option for you? Is there any chance of the distance changing? We stayed together because we knew eventually he'd be working in my city again.

TotalOverhaul · 03/10/2023 10:15

Definitely not. You are low priority. If you haven't moved up the list of priorities yet, it's unlikely you ever will.

ChatBFP · 03/10/2023 15:02

Sorry @Beezknees, I didn't mean she is hunting for a stepdad, but she said she wants another baby, which does basically make partner into stepdad really

Original poster
DatingDisaster784 · 04/10/2023 13:28

Yeah I’ve sacked them off - I’ve realised that they are in no way shape or form actually a decent partner and I don’t think they are ever going to be capable of changing or actually having an adult healthy relationship with anyone in their life - so yeah I’ve binned them now and hopefully one day someone better will come along!

Thank you everyone! 💐

OP posts:
OrigamiOwl · 04/10/2023 13:31

DatingDisaster784 · 04/10/2023 13:28

Yeah I’ve sacked them off - I’ve realised that they are in no way shape or form actually a decent partner and I don’t think they are ever going to be capable of changing or actually having an adult healthy relationship with anyone in their life - so yeah I’ve binned them now and hopefully one day someone better will come along!

Thank you everyone! 💐

Good for you! He wouldn't make you a priority, so time to move on.

MyJetNowAirlines · 04/10/2023 13:32

I’d move on, as painful as it would be if I loved them.

MyJetNowAirlines · 04/10/2023 13:33

Oh, just seen your update. Good for you Flowers

ToadOnTheHill · 04/10/2023 13:35

Waiting for someone to make time for you is inviting them to treat you badly.

Sorry OP x

Original poster
DatingDisaster784 · 04/10/2023 13:35

@MyJetNowAirlines The funny thing is, is that now I’ve actually got to the point where I suddenly almost switched off because of how angry I am about how they’ve treated me, I don’t think I actually feel as strongly for them as I thought I did - I think I was scared of just being alone again and having to start from scratch and worrying about being good enough to find someone else. So now I can see it from almost a detached point of view, they were nothing special in the first place and I definitely romanticised it more in my head than the actual reality of them! X

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 04/10/2023 13:35

Move on

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