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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you wait for this person?

82 replies

DatingDisaster784 · 02/10/2023 16:37

Been dating someone for a year, I love them very much, they say they feel the same but there’s a massive issue -

We live 2 hours away from each other, they have a busy work schedule and a weekly sports commitment (think playing for a team) and they admit they don’t know when they are going to be able to make time for me or when they are going to be able to make me priority (they still make plans with friends and family just struggle to make any with me).

Would you wait for this person’s life to settle down a bit because you love them or move on?

OP posts:
BeeCucumber · 02/10/2023 16:54

Move on. They are giving you an out. Take it.

2weekstowait · 02/10/2023 16:56

Definitely not. You'll never see them, they are probably not going to give up the sport commitment any time soon so they have made it clear that they are not bothered, whatever they say.

LoobyDop · 02/10/2023 16:58

A year in is the exact point where you should be #1 priority- the relationship has progressed beyond keeping your options open and your feet on the ground, but shouldn’t yet be settled into day to day ordinariness. If you aren’t mutually completely in love at this point, you never will be, imo.

Againstthegrain · 02/10/2023 17:02

How often do you see them now?

Also as said above, where are you in your life?

i like being with someone who has lots going on but 2 hours is a long way to keep things going if there are no firm plans to be closer together

KnowledgeableMomma · 02/10/2023 17:07

Move on, without doubt. You fall far below sports on their priorities, for goodness sake.

Original poster
DatingDisaster784 · 02/10/2023 17:18

I am late 20’s, I already have a child but ideally would like one more. We see each other every 3 weeks or so at the moment.

I did mention to them that other people also have hobbies and work and live long distance but can still make time for each other and the response I got back was “well everyone is different”.

OP posts:
HernesEgg · 02/10/2023 17:19

DatingDisaster784 · 02/10/2023 17:18

I am late 20’s, I already have a child but ideally would like one more. We see each other every 3 weeks or so at the moment.

I did mention to them that other people also have hobbies and work and live long distance but can still make time for each other and the response I got back was “well everyone is different”.

Well, then, no, this person isn’t for you.

StrawberryWater · 02/10/2023 17:23

DatingDisaster784 · 02/10/2023 17:18

I am late 20’s, I already have a child but ideally would like one more. We see each other every 3 weeks or so at the moment.

I did mention to them that other people also have hobbies and work and live long distance but can still make time for each other and the response I got back was “well everyone is different”.

So not only do they not care about you or your relationship but they're also dismissive of your feelings.

Sexy. Not.

Just get rid of them.

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 02/10/2023 17:30

If, after a year, you don't trump his football or whatever, he is probably not a good long term prospect.

JoinInBetty · 02/10/2023 17:32

He only things I settle are my bills each month. I definitely wouldn't settle for being 2nd or 3d best. If he wanted to see you he'd make time.

dudsville · 02/10/2023 17:33

I agree with everyone saying no they wouldn't wait. What are you waiting for, the attention he may give you later on after he's done other things?

MustGetOutofBed · 02/10/2023 17:34

DatingDisaster784 · 02/10/2023 17:18

I am late 20’s, I already have a child but ideally would like one more. We see each other every 3 weeks or so at the moment.

I did mention to them that other people also have hobbies and work and live long distance but can still make time for each other and the response I got back was “well everyone is different”.

You've likely at least 10 childbearing years remaining, don't have a child with this person just because...
He won't put his child first either.

NeedToChangeName · 02/10/2023 17:36

It's hard to be in your situation, but ........ all behaviour is communication

He's telling you that you're not important to him. Listen to that and take control of your own destiny

Fairymother · 02/10/2023 17:36

I think sadly youre more into this than he is. If he wanted to make you a priority, he would.

pictoosh · 02/10/2023 17:39

No I wouldn't wait for something that isn't going to happen. What a waste of my time that would be. I'd only come to regret it.

Why the hell did he start dating someone two hours away whom he has no spare time for? Why on earth does he think that's a good prospect for you?

Beezknees · 02/10/2023 17:39

I wouldn't wait for anyone.

TomatoSandwiches · 02/10/2023 17:55

This man puts himself first in everything, don't wait for him because you will run out of time.
Go find someone who makes you a priority.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/10/2023 17:55

DatingDisaster784 · 02/10/2023 17:18

I am late 20’s, I already have a child but ideally would like one more. We see each other every 3 weeks or so at the moment.

I did mention to them that other people also have hobbies and work and live long distance but can still make time for each other and the response I got back was “well everyone is different”.

Come on now, op, you're a convenient shag at best. This person isn't even trying to fake real interest in you. Why don't you want more for yourself than this?

Nagado · 02/10/2023 18:31

I mean this with kindness, I really do. If he really, truly loved you, wild horses wouldn’t be able to keep him away from you. He clearly has a busy life and something has had to give in order for him to fit it all in. And of all the things he could have chosen as the least important to him, and the easiest thing to cut, he has chosen to cut spending time with you. If that isn’t a loud and clear message that you’re flogging a dead horse, I don’t know what is.

ChatBFP · 02/10/2023 21:20

Definitely don't wait for this bloke. Especially if you want to have a stepdad for your child. Not because your child is a huge burden, but because you have to be choosy for the sake of your child.

Beezknees · 03/10/2023 07:33

ChatBFP · 02/10/2023 21:20

Definitely don't wait for this bloke. Especially if you want to have a stepdad for your child. Not because your child is a huge burden, but because you have to be choosy for the sake of your child.

Does the child actually want a stepdad is more important. Forcing one on a child because it's what you want is never good.

Original poster
DatingDisaster784 · 03/10/2023 08:21

@Beezknees I don’t think anyone exactly asks for their young child’s permission before they start dating or starting a relationship do they. Plus I’m not on the hunt for a step parent for my child, I’m dating for myself but obviously I need them to be good with my child if they are going to be around them at any point.

OP posts:
Mouk · 03/10/2023 08:38

You deserve better.

Olika · 03/10/2023 08:43

You are wasting your time with him. He told you are not his priority. You never will be.

whattttttodo · 03/10/2023 09:02

Definitely not. You are not important to this person and by staying with them you are telling them that's acceptable.

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