Who gets priority - resident cat or visiting dog?

[nomorespaghetti]

We want to invite MIL over for Xmas. We’ve recently moved house, and we have a spare room that she can stay in. Our old house was too small, so when we had her up we’d pay for a hotel for her to stay in.

MIL has a little lap dog. Lovely dog, no trouble at all, literally just sits on MILs lap or follows her around. Gets slightly overwhelmed by our young kids, but is easily calmed.

We have a cat. He’s the best. He’s super friendly but quite skitty, goes outdoors but tends to stay in a lot in the winter/when it’s raining. He is, fairly understandably, not keen on a new animal coming into his space, and will generally make himself scarce when the dog is here. The dog will bark at the cat. Natural enemies and all that. Fine if the visit is for a couple of hours, but the Xmas visit would be several days.

MIL lives too far away to travel there and back in one day. She can’t host at hers due to space/living situation. It’s unlikely anyone would be able to look after her dog over Xmas, and she wouldn’t put her in a kennels. MIL doesn’t have loads of money.

Wondering how to make this workable. Solutions so far include:

• MIL and dog come up, stay here, cat has to put up with it (we’re not keen on this, and tbh I don’t think MIL would feel it was fair on the cat either)
• We invite MIL but make it clear dog isn’t invited (bit mean?) She then either has to leave dog somewhere or get a hotel that the dog can sleep at
• We invite MIL and pay for a hotel that she and the dog can stay in. Although we could afford this, it would add an extra big expense to an already very expensive period!

Appreciate it’s a first world problem! Any thoughts helpful?

YABU - dog gets priority
YANBU - cat gets priority

Could the cat go in a cattery?

I would say your cat has priority, however could you put a stair gate up and the cat can stay behind it. I would also make it clear the dog has to literally stay on your MIL lap or be on a lead.

I'm a cat person (spot the user name), but it makes sense that the resident animal (in this case the cat) gets priority over a possible visiting one.

Agree with above. Baby gates and the dog under active control at all times.

Or can the cat be shut in a room with a litter tray and food?

because even if the dog goes to a hotel every night the cat may well be so freaked out with repeated daily visits that it won’t come in overnight.

It's your cat's home. I think that should give the cat priority.

The dog goes into kennels or to a dog sitter while your MIL visits.

This i think

I have a dog and am an out and out dog person, if I was your MIL I’d arrange boarding for my dog.

I think the dog be kept on a lead in the house so can’t chase or stress the cat.

I'd just play it by ear, the cat will avoid the dog, dog will eventually get used to cat and stop barking?

We have this exact problem. Our answer is closed doors. Dog stays w owner, under close supervision. If a door is opened, scan for cat before letting dog in. Dog sleeps upstairs in bedroom so cat can have accustomed freedom overnight.
It seems to work pretty well. Cat has a cosy place to go where dog can never get (on top of boiler) and basically makes herself scarce when dog is there.

Well the cat lives there so gets priority.
But they will sort it out between them, the cat having the upper hand of course.
Otherwise make an escape place available. Our cat heads for our bedroom or the loft when he has had enough.

Ime our family has always accommodated visiting ddogs.. As a dc dgm juggled 4 ddogs who didn't always get along.. Did eventually! Then ds had a ddog as an adult. We have dcats. Gave them opportunity to get up high... Beds on tumble drier, blanket on our bed as a treat! Food in the utility room. If mil's ddog was a huge rambunctious greyhound maybe be more worried about Bedlam but surely her small ddog is happy with mil not dcat hunting..? A nice gesture and a peace keeping exercise surely worth doing? Dcat will be fine I reckon!

(NB in this case dog is like yours and absolutely NO risk to cat - couldn't hurt the cat. It'd be a totally different question if there was any chance the dog could hurt the cat)

I have cats and dogs. It doesn’t sound like there would be a massive problem having both of them in the house. The cat will probably just make himself scarce upstairs or wherever. I have a cat that didn’t like strange humans, actually didn’t like any human other than me and my husband, he used to just disappear upstairs for a few days when we had visitors. Only to reappear without a care in the world once the visitors had departed.

Resident cat.

We have one, and we have an absolutely no dogs rule in our house.

I like dogs, but this is my cats home and he's terrified of them.

Cat gets priority. I don’t allow visiting dogs in my home but if I had a nice MIL with a nice small (non cat eating) dog I’d make an exception at Christmas.

I have both dogs and cats (not all are natural enemies) and the cat definitely gets priority, especially as stress quite often triggers cystitis in cats.
I think booking your mum and dog in somewhere is the best solution to give the cat a break.
Depending on how long her visit is/money you could also maybe have a meal one day at the hotel or wherever she stays.

As someone with both cats and dogs, I think it’s entirely workable given the type of dog you describe. Give the cat space the dog cannot go near and make sure the dog is limited in where he can go. Am sure it will be fine.

but Christmas is high stakes - any chance of a practice visit first?

I would prioritise the cat but I think you can do that and allow the dog to stay at the same time.

Baby gates to keep them apart and then ask MIL to keep the dog on a lead when the cat is around to prevent any chasing.

I have a cat that absolutely freaks out when he sees a dog, matter how small or friendly the dog is. I couldn't impose a dog on him. He'd be stressed out for days, even after they'd left.
Can you suggest Trusted Housesitters to your MIL? We use them all the time when we go away and it's been brilliant. Someone will stay in her house with her dog so it doesn't have the stress of going in kennels. You pay an admin fee when you join but after that it's free for you and the housesitter.
I could never put my cat in a cattery but he's really happy staying at home with a housesitter.

I think it will be fine.

The cat will either hide somewhere or they will just get used to one another.

Lol at keeping the cat behind a stair gate though 🤣

Resident animal gets priority over visiting animal. But I have seen the baby gate thing work. Cat can choose to go in the room with the dog, but dog can't follow if it goes out

Without doubt resident cat, MIL will need to make arrangements for her dog, if she wants to stay.

Resident cat takes priority.

Although I agree with other posters ... a stair gate at the bottom of the stairs so the dog can't go up, complete supervision of the dog at all times, check for cat before taking the dog anywhere in the house, dog sleeping behind closed bedroom door so cat has run of house through the night.

I have 2 cats and 2 dogs who live together in harmony but both cats have access to safe places away from the dogs should they need to hide.

Good luck!!