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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who gets priority - resident cat or visiting dog?

103 replies

nomorespaghetti · 02/10/2023 16:29

We want to invite MIL over for Xmas. We’ve recently moved house, and we have a spare room that she can stay in. Our old house was too small, so when we had her up we’d pay for a hotel for her to stay in.

MIL has a little lap dog. Lovely dog, no trouble at all, literally just sits on MILs lap or follows her around. Gets slightly overwhelmed by our young kids, but is easily calmed.

We have a cat. He’s the best. He’s super friendly but quite skitty, goes outdoors but tends to stay in a lot in the winter/when it’s raining. He is, fairly understandably, not keen on a new animal coming into his space, and will generally make himself scarce when the dog is here. The dog will bark at the cat. Natural enemies and all that. Fine if the visit is for a couple of hours, but the Xmas visit would be several days.

MIL lives too far away to travel there and back in one day. She can’t host at hers due to space/living situation. It’s unlikely anyone would be able to look after her dog over Xmas, and she wouldn’t put her in a kennels. MIL doesn’t have loads of money.

Wondering how to make this workable. Solutions so far include:

  • MIL and dog come up, stay here, cat has to put up with it (we’re not keen on this, and tbh I don’t think MIL would feel it was fair on the cat either)
  • We invite MIL but make it clear dog isn’t invited (bit mean?) She then either has to leave dog somewhere or get a hotel that the dog can sleep at
  • We invite MIL and pay for a hotel that she and the dog can stay in. Although we could afford this, it would add an extra big expense to an already very expensive period!

Appreciate it’s a first world problem! Any thoughts helpful?

YABU - dog gets priority
YANBU - cat gets priority

OP posts:
caringcarer · 02/10/2023 19:13

I may have a solution OP. MiL and dog come to yours. You find a kennel for her dog near you. MiL visits her dog in a kennel each day until she collects it to go home. She could even book it out for an hour to walk it if she wanted to.

sprigatito · 02/10/2023 19:15

What kind of cats do people have that would be foiled by a baby gate?!

I would probably just let them come and play it by ear. My cats would just make themselves scarce when the dog was around. It's only a few days.

stayathomer · 02/10/2023 19:15

A lot of us live fine with both cats and dogs that aren’t friends. As long as you make a fuss of the cat, keep dog away and make sure they sleep in separate rooms it’ll be fine

rookiemere · 02/10/2023 19:18

Unless MIL is prepared to let her dog go to kennels - I wouldn't be - it's a bit late in the day to be getting a home sitter or a home for the dog to go to.

Therefore I think it's about the least worst solution for this which feels like either cat boards - if it doesn't hate that - or some sort of house partitioning.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/10/2023 19:18

sprigatito · 02/10/2023 19:15

What kind of cats do people have that would be foiled by a baby gate?!

I would probably just let them come and play it by ear. My cats would just make themselves scarce when the dog was around. It's only a few days.

The point is that the dog would be foiled by the baby gate. That way the cat still has free run of the house but the dog is restricted. The cat can choose to be in the room with the dog if it wants to, but can leave whenever it wants and the dog can't follow.

Helenahandkart · 02/10/2023 19:19

We had this exact situation one Christmas. DM brought her lapdog for a few days. The dog was only allowed downstairs and had to stay in the kitchen overnight so that the cat could relax in the rest of the house.
It was a disaster. The cat was completely freaked out the whole time, and for a long time afterwards.
The dog has never been allowed back, and we don’t let any other dogs in the house now either.
Your cat should take priority. It’s his home. He needs to feel safe in his home.

Niinja · 02/10/2023 19:27

That is useful to know @Helenahandkart

My worry with the stairgate idea is that the cat wouldn't understand the dog can't get through, so although it can escape it will still feel threatened. Actual closed doors they do understand a bit better. My cat feels threatened by the neighbour's cat with the window open, and feels much happier when I close it.

PikachuEars · 02/10/2023 19:45

If the cat isn’t particularly nervous, and the dog isn’t a real threat to the cat, then just have them both in the house and used closed doors to keep them apart.

Were it a nervous cat or a dog that was liable to attack the cat then it would be different.

We often have the ILs with a small dog to stay for Christmas and we manage dog and cat separation just fine. We usually confine the dog to one room overnight and the cats to one room during the day. A stairgate is helpful mostly to make sure the dog stays downstairs when the cat is upstairs but we don’t rely on it alone (there’s always a closed door too)

LammasEve · 02/10/2023 20:08

Cat gets priority, it's his home. Plus if he gets annoyed enough at the dog he may well pack his bags and move out rather than cope with it. I certainly wouldn't be shutting my cat out of parts of his own house or expecting him to brave the dog.

We have several cats so they'd all gang up on the dog and beat it up...

Original poster
nomorespaghetti · 02/10/2023 20:12

Thanks all. Some good ideas and thoughts here.

To answer a few questions… cat has only been in a cattery once (that we know of… he was a rescue so he might have before we got him), that was when we moved house. We get a cat sitter to visit him when we go anywhere. I’m not sure he’d be very happy at a cattery. He was really freaked out with a very upset stomach last time (although that was compounded by the fact that we’d moved house obv…)

Cat definitely wouldn’t tolerate being shut in a room, and he really dislikes using a litter tray.

Baby gate might work well, and I know MIL will keep the dog very close at all times. Dog isn’t crate trained. I know that the dog also won’t tolerate being shut in one room (unless MIL is in there too).

So much depends on the temperament of the animals, and of course I can predict how my cat will react but the dog less so.

OP posts:
FuzzyPuffling · 02/10/2023 20:13

Dog and MIL in the shed then!

eurochick · 02/10/2023 20:28

Baby gate is a good idea.

We have two skittish house cats and have dog sat a couple of times when friends were in a sticky situation with needing somewhere for the dog to go.

Both cats vanished initially but as soon as the dog calmed down came out for a sniff. The tricky bit was good as we had to find somewhere the cats could eat that the dog couldn't reach. We kept the dogs under control and there was no chasing. Any interaction was on the cats' terms.

Neither dog barked at the cats though. One lives with cats and the other was just more interested in humans.

nottaotter · 02/10/2023 20:39

@sprigatito the idea of baby gates is that the cats know that dogs cannot get to them behind the gates. Its not to foil them at all, once the cat jumps/goes through the gate they make an association very quickly that the dog can't reach them.

FuzzyPuffling · 02/10/2023 20:41

But even with a baby gate the house will still smell of dog (which would be enough for my very timid rescue cats to leave home)

FawltyTower · 02/10/2023 20:44

If the cat isn’t particularly nervous, and the dog isn’t a real threat to the cat, then just have them both in the house and used closed doors to keep them apart. Were it a nervous cat or a dog that was liable to attack the cat then it would be different

Yes this. Doors or preferably baby gates.

The cat will probably be haughty and disgusted with you for a while but it's only a few days.

FineBerol · 02/10/2023 20:45

Can the cat be kept in a certain room/area

Or Can the dog be kept on a lead

I'm sure the cat would keep away from dog if they weren't to get on

lavenderlou · 02/10/2023 20:51

My cat would be terrified if there was a dog in the house. If friends of ours visit they either don't bring their dogs or the dog stays in the garden (if visiting for the day). It's the cat's home so they shouldn't be shut in a room or sent out to a cattery. Can MIL leave the dog with someone?

RandomUsernameHere · 02/10/2023 20:51

YANBU. Option B definitely. I wouldn't even entertain the idea of allowing the dog, it would be really stressful for the poor cat.

VisaWoes · 02/10/2023 20:54

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/10/2023 18:54

VisaWoes · Today 16:30

Could the cat go in a cattery?”

Grossly unfair, it’s the cat’s home!

I get that. But I think it’s more unfair to inflict a dog on a cat which doesn’t like them even if the dog is well behaved. 🤷‍♀️

personally I’d tell the MIL she couldn’t bring the dog at all but I accept if the OP wants the MIL to come that may not be an option. Sounds like she either can’t afford it or wouldn’t want to leave the dog that long.

I guess OP knows her cat best and for some cats a cattery might be better than being scared in their own house?

Knackeredandalsotired · 02/10/2023 20:58

We’ve managed similar, except the dog was an overexcitable spaniel. As PPs have said, stair gate to keep the dog downstairs and the cat will keep out of its way

Ellmau · 02/10/2023 21:13

Resident pet should get priority BUT if you can't accommodate dog your MIL probably won't be able to come.

So can you find a compromise, eg dog only allowed downstairs?

neverbeenskiing · 02/10/2023 21:18

Or can the cat be shut in a room with a litter tray and food?

For several days? No way would I put my cat in this situation to accommodate someone else's pet.

Neither would I be putting my cat in a cattery because a visitor refuses to put their dog in kennels.

Maybe I'm mean but I don't allow visitors to bring dogs into my home at all, I just say "sorry that won't work, I have a cat" and no one has ever questioned it. In OP's shoes I'd probably offer to contribute to the cost of kennels.

EmotionalSupportWyrm · 02/10/2023 23:04

PearlClutzsche · 02/10/2023 17:52

Cat gets priority. It's the cat's home.

But seriously, to all the people suggesting a baby gate...🤣🤣
There's a reason they're not marketed as cat gates!

Erm - that's the point - cats can leap over and choose where they want to be - dogs are restricted to being behind the gate. My cats always looked smug once they'd done it and left the dogs behind.

Jessforless · 02/10/2023 23:53

I wouldn’t leave my dog. (And I am a cat owner) but dogs are more like a family member especially in what sounds like MIL circumstances…

Your cat will be fine. Just keep them separate. It’s not that serious 😂 just provide dreamies and all will be good.

TawnyLarue · 02/10/2023 23:57

Thought this was going to be about Larry the Cat and Rishi Sunack’s dog.

wonder if anyone has suggested a baby gate to him 🤔

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