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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who gets priority - resident cat or visiting dog?

103 replies

nomorespaghetti · 02/10/2023 16:29

We want to invite MIL over for Xmas. We’ve recently moved house, and we have a spare room that she can stay in. Our old house was too small, so when we had her up we’d pay for a hotel for her to stay in.

MIL has a little lap dog. Lovely dog, no trouble at all, literally just sits on MILs lap or follows her around. Gets slightly overwhelmed by our young kids, but is easily calmed.

We have a cat. He’s the best. He’s super friendly but quite skitty, goes outdoors but tends to stay in a lot in the winter/when it’s raining. He is, fairly understandably, not keen on a new animal coming into his space, and will generally make himself scarce when the dog is here. The dog will bark at the cat. Natural enemies and all that. Fine if the visit is for a couple of hours, but the Xmas visit would be several days.

MIL lives too far away to travel there and back in one day. She can’t host at hers due to space/living situation. It’s unlikely anyone would be able to look after her dog over Xmas, and she wouldn’t put her in a kennels. MIL doesn’t have loads of money.

Wondering how to make this workable. Solutions so far include:

  • MIL and dog come up, stay here, cat has to put up with it (we’re not keen on this, and tbh I don’t think MIL would feel it was fair on the cat either)
  • We invite MIL but make it clear dog isn’t invited (bit mean?) She then either has to leave dog somewhere or get a hotel that the dog can sleep at
  • We invite MIL and pay for a hotel that she and the dog can stay in. Although we could afford this, it would add an extra big expense to an already very expensive period!

Appreciate it’s a first world problem! Any thoughts helpful?

YABU - dog gets priority
YANBU - cat gets priority

OP posts:
Rosykitten · 02/10/2023 17:46

I think it's doable by closing the visiting dog in a separate room for chunks of time, and letting the cat have the run of the house. We did this in a similar situation. It could work well especially as dog is a small lap dog. It's a shame to pay for hotels etc especially over Christmas.

Rosykitten · 02/10/2023 17:48

And that way, cat gets priority. Dog should fit in with cat not the other way around.

FuzzyPuffling · 02/10/2023 17:50

Also, if dog has been allowed in the house, it will smell of dog. This in itself will upset the cat.

usernother · 02/10/2023 17:50

Cat gets priority and she puts the dog in kennels. That's the easiest and most obvious option.

PearlClutzsche · 02/10/2023 17:52

Cat gets priority. It's the cat's home.

But seriously, to all the people suggesting a baby gate...🤣🤣
There's a reason they're not marketed as cat gates!

StaunchMomma · 02/10/2023 17:52

I foolishly attempted this once with a mate who stayed over with her dog. I thought the cat would just stay out a bit more and asked her to keep the dog in her room overnight and use a lead to walk it outside for wees etc.

It passed fine BUT it was horrible to see our cat literally cowering around the house for days afterwards, not going into rooms because of the dog smell and just being really uncomfortable in it's own home - and THAT'S the crux of it, isn't it? It's your cat's HOME.

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 02/10/2023 17:58

Gifgirl · 02/10/2023 16:50

I think it will be fine.

The cat will either hide somewhere or they will just get used to one another.

Lol at keeping the cat behind a stair gate though 🤣

I know, I don't know any cat that can't get past a stair gate!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 02/10/2023 18:04

Just going to add. My 2 cats years ago, they were born and brought up and socialised in a house with a dog (DB’s house) so they were ok-ish with dogs.

Second cat was brought up in a maisonette with a dog (Rottweiler) but I don’t think was socialised and was petrified of dogs and used to hide if he saw them out of windows.

Third cat, she and her sister moved out of their home when the owners got a puppy, owners insisted the cats loved him but they really didn’t, and dislike dogs, hide from them etc. My cat if she even smells dog on me from somewhere else she recoils in horror!

MrsVeryTired · 02/10/2023 18:24

Folk lol-ing at baby gate for a cat. The baby gate is for the dog to stop it chasing the cat. The cat can (and will) choose to go wherever it wants.

margotrose · 02/10/2023 18:26

PearlClutzsche · 02/10/2023 17:52

Cat gets priority. It's the cat's home.

But seriously, to all the people suggesting a baby gate...🤣🤣
There's a reason they're not marketed as cat gates!

Err...the baby gate is for the dog, not the cat Wink

margotrose · 02/10/2023 18:27

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 02/10/2023 17:58

I know, I don't know any cat that can't get past a stair gate!

Show quote history

The stair gate is to stop the dog being able to get to the cat.

WiddlinDiddlin · 02/10/2023 18:27

Which animal has priority... isn't really key here, because it sounds as if you want MIL to come and she will have a crappier time if she cannot.

Of course resident cat has priority but does resident cat mean more to you than non resident MIL?

If you go for dog visiting...

Install some baby gates so cat has free travel through house and dog does not.

Install some high platforms and vantage points so cat can observe and supervise from high up - this plus the gates tends to make the cat feel much more secure.

Use a feliway diffuser wherever necessary to chill cat out.

Ensure all this is set up before hand so cat is super familiar with the layout, make sure the high spots are rewarding to use - kitty treats wherever (and its a good time to find out what your cat likes best, cats are fussy about treats!)

When the visit happens - dog to stay with MIL at all times, day and night - that way the cat is never faced with an unsupervised, unexpected and stressed dog.

Pair treats for both with the sight of the other - no shouting and telling off, but instead praise and fun and then end the situation with as little fuss as possible (with one or other leaving the room, to go do something fun elsewhere, probably likely to be the dog, and something easy like hoovering up scattered treats or licking a licki-mat enrichment toy).

Probably also, start dog off on a calming supplement (not a sedative!!!) like zylkene or serene-ums before the visit happens.

Most cats won't leave home over a visit like this - some will make themselves scarce but they're usually smart enough to suss out where the dog can go, who the dog will be with and where all the cosy, dog free and snack related areas are.

How well this works out depends much more on the humans involved than the animals really - if everyone stays calm and casual, things will work out much better!

ChocolateCandle · 02/10/2023 18:32

The dog needs to go to kennels or have a petsitter. Your cat needs to feel safe and it's his home.

VisaWoes · 02/10/2023 18:33

When I first got a dog my cat spent nearly two weeks sat on the shed roof. Thankfully it was summer. Think she came in and ate at night time. But this is why I think a cattery might be better. Because even if the dog goes to a hotel the cat will still likely feel it can’t come inside for multiple days.

Yogazmum · 02/10/2023 18:34

We have family who bring their dog when they visit (they live a long way so come for days at a time)
Dog gets crated in the kitchen & cat has the run of the house (litter tray/food etc get moved)
Cat is elderly so lives indoors in the winter so it’s doable for a few days.
Family make a few remarks about their dog being allowed in their lounge at home but as ours is carpeted….it’s a no!
Dog gets walked regularly and has the run of the kitchen when it’s not meal times.
I know family aren’t 100% happy with this solution but the dog would kill the cat if it got hold of it so it has to stay in the kitchen. We suggested they put it in kennels for a few days but that got an eye roll so this was the solution.
Cat gets priority!

Crazymadchickenlady · 02/10/2023 18:38

We have friends who visit with a dog. He is on a lead all the time in the house and the cats get fed upstairs. Evenings we sit in the lounge with our friends and the dog and the cats do what they want in the rest of the house. The dog sleeps in spare room with friends and the cats have the rest of the house. It’s doable but the cats don’t particularly like it! The dog also nicks all the cats food if he gets chance.

mondaytosunday · 02/10/2023 18:38

I have two of each and just let them get on with it. Stair gate if you want to keep them apart (the dog being confined)

Justhereforthebabynames · 02/10/2023 18:38

The dog should settle and stop barking at the cat after an hour or two. My dog used to be very interested in a family member's cat. Now he just gives her a quick sniff by way of greeting when we arrive and goes about his business.

I'd do what another pp suggested and put up a baby gate to give the cat an area, maybe the upstairs, that the dog can't access.

PostItInABook · 02/10/2023 18:39

VisaWoes · 02/10/2023 18:33

When I first got a dog my cat spent nearly two weeks sat on the shed roof. Thankfully it was summer. Think she came in and ate at night time. But this is why I think a cattery might be better. Because even if the dog goes to a hotel the cat will still likely feel it can’t come inside for multiple days.

If a cat has never experienced being in a cattery and/or is a one cat household sending it to a cattery is cruel. You have to do these things when they’re kittens and keep doing it as they grow otherwise it’s just not fair to then suddenly spring it on the poor thing.

FuzzyPuffling · 02/10/2023 18:51

Put dog in a shed?
( Can you tell I'm firmly Team Cat?)

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/10/2023 18:54

VisaWoes · Today 16:30

Could the cat go in a cattery?”

Grossly unfair, it’s the cat’s home!

TheHorneSection · 02/10/2023 18:59

For the benefit of family relationships and a Christmas visit, I’d just some baby gates to see if they help, but if not maybe keep the cat in one room for a few days.

I have cats and they’d be distraught in a cattery. But if everyone here is nice I’d be inclined to try and make it work with the dog in the house for a few days.

S910441 · 02/10/2023 19:03

I'm Team Cat. Is the house big enough to separate them and still give the cat a few rooms?

Niinja · 02/10/2023 19:07

Depends on how free ranging the cat is and your house layout. We could divide ours to keep dog in living room in daytime and cat with the rest of the house.

It would be stressful for the cat though. I would worry he might start spraying. I wouldn't blame you for saying no to the dog - but your MiL may well feel differently.

Thingamebobwotsit · 02/10/2023 19:10

Cat gets priority but allow dog to visit and restrictions on where it can go and when so your cat can roam reasonably freely.