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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who gets priority - resident cat or visiting dog?

103 replies

nomorespaghetti · 02/10/2023 16:29

We want to invite MIL over for Xmas. We’ve recently moved house, and we have a spare room that she can stay in. Our old house was too small, so when we had her up we’d pay for a hotel for her to stay in.

MIL has a little lap dog. Lovely dog, no trouble at all, literally just sits on MILs lap or follows her around. Gets slightly overwhelmed by our young kids, but is easily calmed.

We have a cat. He’s the best. He’s super friendly but quite skitty, goes outdoors but tends to stay in a lot in the winter/when it’s raining. He is, fairly understandably, not keen on a new animal coming into his space, and will generally make himself scarce when the dog is here. The dog will bark at the cat. Natural enemies and all that. Fine if the visit is for a couple of hours, but the Xmas visit would be several days.

MIL lives too far away to travel there and back in one day. She can’t host at hers due to space/living situation. It’s unlikely anyone would be able to look after her dog over Xmas, and she wouldn’t put her in a kennels. MIL doesn’t have loads of money.

Wondering how to make this workable. Solutions so far include:

  • MIL and dog come up, stay here, cat has to put up with it (we’re not keen on this, and tbh I don’t think MIL would feel it was fair on the cat either)
  • We invite MIL but make it clear dog isn’t invited (bit mean?) She then either has to leave dog somewhere or get a hotel that the dog can sleep at
  • We invite MIL and pay for a hotel that she and the dog can stay in. Although we could afford this, it would add an extra big expense to an already very expensive period!

Appreciate it’s a first world problem! Any thoughts helpful?

YABU - dog gets priority
YANBU - cat gets priority

OP posts:
dinglethedragon · 02/10/2023 17:00

A baby gate will sort it for you. one room that the dog absolutely can't get into - put the cat food in there, comfy bed, litter tray etc. Keep the cat indoors, in its safe space, just for the couple of days they are there. We look after DDs cats when she goes away and they are more than capable of hopping over the gate and taunting my dog from the safety of the other side!

We reckon they are happier for a a few days in a familiar space, but confined, rather than a cattery.

cocksstrideintheevening · 02/10/2023 17:03

I'm a dog person but cat should get priority or just stick a gate up, cat can come in if it wants but dog can't access cat.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 02/10/2023 17:05

I’d go with restricted access for the pooch. Sleeps with Mil, no access to cats favourite room unless on lead/cat not there. Is it crate trained?

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 02/10/2023 17:08

I'm a cat owner, DM is a dog owner. Least stressful solution we found to this exact sane situation was for cat to go to a cattery. Even with gates, the car was worried about the dog being in her house.

Jessforless · 02/10/2023 17:11

100% baby gate. It will be fine. I find our cats really enjoy tormenting the dog from the other side 😂

littlehayleyc · 02/10/2023 17:12

It sounds like you could easily accommodate the cat and dog. Put up a stair gate and give the cat and dog separate areas. Depending on the layout and how settled they both are, you could swap them over, and give them both a chance to have some attention or put the dog on lead or in a crate for a while to give the cat some freedom. Make sure the cat has somewhere high up to retreat to. Worst case, if it gets a bit stressful the cat will be fine shut in a bedroom for a couple of hours with a litter tray.

pinkhousesarebest · 02/10/2023 17:12

We had people come with a large unruly dog and the cats went to the cattery. We would have been so worried all the time , couldn’t say no to our visitors and the cats know the cattery lady well.
Much disdainful sniffing when they returned but nothing a couple of Dreamiest couldn’t sort.

Potentialmadcatlady · 02/10/2023 17:12

Resident pet gets priority. I would go for setting cat up with litter tray/food/bed in a room upstairs to give her total peace.. let her out if she feels like it but pop her back in when/if she gets stressed. MIL will need to agree to keeping dog under full supervision and not allowed run of house.
ps I’m a dog and cat sitter and I work over Christmas, plenty of sitters do

PostItInABook · 02/10/2023 17:12

The cat gets priority. Your home is also the cat’s home. If it is used to being able to freely roam the house and go in/out when it pleases then shutting it away, locking it out or in one room or shoving it off to a cattery is really cruel and will stress it out to no end. There is no way I would allow a dog to visit and stay in my house with my cat. It’s somewhat different if they have grown up together or been introduced properly…all the people saying they have both is irrelevant.

Toddlerteaplease · 02/10/2023 17:14

Resident cat. It's their home.

FuzzyPuffling · 02/10/2023 17:15

Cat wins every time.
Dog has to go to kennels.

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 02/10/2023 17:15

VisaWoes · 02/10/2023 16:33

Or can the cat be shut in a room with a litter tray and food?

because even if the dog goes to a hotel every night the cat may well be so freaked out with repeated daily visits that it won’t come in overnight.

So the cat is effectively a prisoner for several days?

Universalsnail · 02/10/2023 17:16

Personally I would have MIL and dog and keep cat and dog separate by blocking off the stairs aslong as the dog isn't the type of dog to attack the cat and the cat isn't the kind of cat that wouldnt be terrified Would pop some feliway plug ins where the cat is too. It'll be alright for a few days.

Missingmyusername · 02/10/2023 17:16

Baby gate. It’s cheaper than paying to put mil up elsewhere.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/10/2023 17:16

The cat might leave home over that. In the middle of winter. And then if nothing unpleasant happens to him or he doesn't decide a new family is a better option, if he comes back, there could be lots of scent marking to make it feel like his home again.

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 02/10/2023 17:18

My cat legs it out of the house as soon as a dog enters and doesn’t return until they have left. I allow visitors to bring their dog for the day/evening as DCat is often out and about anyway. But I wouldn’t have a dog to stay overnight as DCat always sleeps indoors and I couldn’t cope with the idea of her being too frightened to come indoors to sleep.

Dartmoorcheffy · 02/10/2023 17:21

Babygate and then everyone is happy. MIL could always put the dog in her room with his bed and water for a while too. It's not fair to put the dog in kennels if it hasn't been in them before and I doubt your mil would want to leave her dog over Xmas either.

CheshireCat1 · 02/10/2023 17:21

Cats always take priority, it’s in their nature. Can’t the dog stay in the spare room where MIL is going to sleep. She can pop in and out and take it for regular walks.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 02/10/2023 17:21

Poor cat, it takes priority as it’s his home. Why should the cat be restricted to certain rooms too?

Very different as a PP says if cat and dog are brought up together or introduced properly.

CakeInAJar · 02/10/2023 17:22

Cat because

  1. Cat lives there, and
  2. Cats are better 😆
ImNotReallySpartacus · 02/10/2023 17:23

Team Cat. MIL should make arrangements for her dog and bear the cost. No sensible person expects pet ownership to be cost free.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 02/10/2023 17:24

The resident animal should get priority. It's their home.

Moonrise1362 · 02/10/2023 17:27

We have a similar situation this Christmas. We're putting our cats in a cattery. They've been going there since they were kittens when we go on holiday (we don't have any family or friends nearby who can cat sit), and it doesn't seem to bother them. They come back to lots of pampering and treats.

VisaWoes · 02/10/2023 17:35

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 02/10/2023 17:15

So the cat is effectively a prisoner for several days?

Show quote history

Depends on the cat I guess. Mine are house cats and I don’t think would actually care. But otherwise maybe a cattery, it would be less stressful for the cat than a dog coming and going over multiple days.

ActDottie · 02/10/2023 17:36

My brother has a cat and we have dogs. If we take the dogs round then their cat stays upstairs and the dogs aren’t allowed upstairs. It works well for us.

We’ve even worked on the dogs meeting the cat and it’s worked well. Obviously depends on nature of the cat/dog.