AIBU to want a tummy tuck?

[AllUmder]

I hate my stomach, I have an overhang/apron. It's on my mind constantly, I check it in the mirror hundreds of times a day.

It's caused by weight loss ten years ago, I lost 6 stone. I've spent years trying to love myself and accept it. Years in the gym, weight training. Spent up to 3 hours a day with personal trainers, targeted fat loss, ate a totally clean diet, etc.

Nothing has helped. The past few months I'm so depressed about it, I get a rage of hatred and punch it.

My BMI is 22, I'm very fit, I dress well to hide it so you can't hugely notice in clothes, size 8-10.

DH is VERY against me having a tummy tuck. He thinks it's beyond stupid to have surgery for something I don't need. He says it's body dysmorphia - but it's not, he just loves me, we were married when I was overweight and he treats me exactly the same, it's like he never even saw the weight.

We can afford it, I can get time off work, we have no kids.

WIBU to just go ahead?

I would if I had the money and could get the time off work.

It's a big operation but if it makes you happy you should at least discuss it with a surgeon. They say it's the cosmetic surgery procedure with the highest satisfaction rate.

Check out tummy tuck groups on Facebook and Reddit. You'll see warts and all, the scar and possible complications but also the great results some people get

I think you tick every box for me in a positive way.

You lost the weight. Youve kept the weight off. You live a healthy lifestyle and have a healthy relationship (His objection shows he isnt pushing you towards it). You want it for you and i cant see any negatives other than the risk of the operation.

Go for it i say.

Do you think it causes you health problems, like getting caught in clothing or the skin being very thin? Are you getting infections or problems on the skin?

That would be one way of looking at it, is it a health problem or purely cosmetic

Its fine to be purely cosmetic but clarify for yourself what it is you want, you say its not visible in clothing so it doesnt sound huge.

I have this, it will get worse, Ive lost a lot of weight and when I embarked on the wegith loss I thought I would get all the plastic surgery etc, arms, full body lift etc

But the more I looked into it, the more worried I was about the size and time of the op, they can be about 5 hours long and arm surgery is one of the most complicated there is apparently. Its put me off but at the same time my stomach is really visible in clothes although Im still in size 16s and 14s at the moment, perhaps as Iose more it wont show like yours doesnt.

I wouldnt describe it as body dysmorphia unless its literally a few wrinkles and you're seeing it as an overhang

100% do it. I'd do it in a second if I could. Good luck x

If you’re doing it for you, you choose to do it sensibly and safely (not become another cheap Turkey horror story) and it doesn’t affect your finances then go for it. But keep in mind what the results may be rather than hoping to become the person you see in your head, your husband may not be completely wrong about the concerns of body dysmorphia. Surgery could be a slippery slope in search of ‘perfection’.

@bellac11 no medical issues at all with it; it's not big enough to cause issues so it's purely how I feel.

It's not huge, but it makes me feel huge. I have loose skin on my arms, legs and boobs too but those don't bother me at all, it really is just this overhang.

You can see my ribs, and smooth skin around my waist, but then a bulge of stubborn fat and loose skin, my belly button is so weird looking.

If I do a plank, it hangs down in two parallel folds.

I feel absolutely gross and hate my body despite all my hard work and massive lifestyle change.

This is what DH says! He says I would find another reason to hate myself even after surgery, also that I'll never look like these fitness people I look up to.

I know I won't, and I honestly don't care what the scar would look like, I just want this horrible bulge OFF me.

I've researched a fabulous surgeon, only an hour away.

I've briefly looked at the safety aspect as I really want a breast lift once I'm done with breastfeeding but wouldnt take any serious risks to my life for purely cosmetic reasons.

The amount of people that die either on the table (tiny tiny amount of people) or after is really small.

I think I can justify the risk as I drive plenty and not for 100% essential reasons (eg I do days out with the kids) and that brings a lot more risk to my life. I've also had general anaesthetic before so I feel the risks are lower again.

Hi OP I'm currently recovering from tummy tuck
Like you BMI was 21, fit, healthy, size 8-10
I just couldn't shift the sagging skin from pregnancies

The operation was the easy part.
The recovery has been very difficult.

Right now I'm just focussing on one day at a time and looking forward to wearing crop tops lol

My reason for saying you shouldn’t do it, is that I have an obsessive list of things I don’t like about my body, face etc (at the moment I’m obsessed with wrinkly eyes) and my experience of fixing one thing is that you’ll then start being bothered by the next thing that isn’t perfect. And the surgery won’t be perfect either - you may scar worse than expected, the result may not look how you expect etc. it’s easy to think a fix will be perfect but it may just be better and not perfect.

if you’re sure that this won’t happen to you…and you don’t mind the surgical risks then clearly
lots of people do these things and I completely understand the feelings

Well after years of being snooty about plastic surgery, age and weight loss has now made me more pragmatic about it and its not like you have lept into it when you lost weight all those years ago

But a slight word of caution, you say you feel gross, or look gross. You dont of course, you just have some saggy skin when you want gone. Perhaps its that massive generalisation about yourself that your husband is worried about

I look like a white walnut, its so grotesque that Im fascinated by it to be honest. But I dont feel gross, or horrible, or ugly. Im pleased with my health, aiming for more loss and aim to decide then whether to have any ops.

You're not gross OP, you dont look gross, try to isolate that one part of yourself in your mind otherwise it might morph into you hating your whole body for the sake of a saggy tum.

This is what DH says! He says I would find another reason to hate myself even after surgery

Im not sure this true. I had a boob reduction. Best thing ever. I didn’t then immediately focus on another area.

Based on what you are saying you sound like a good candidate. Can you have a consultation with a surgeon to get a better idea of the procedure?

Do you mind explaining more about the recovery, can you lie down/have showers/get dressed. Im wondering how much time off work would be required.

And which bits did they do and how long were you under for?

I had fleur de lis abdominplasty about five years ago and I'm glad I had it. My operation was more than a standard tummy tuck so recovery was long but well worth it.

The fact that you dh thinks you’d focus on another area - he knows you best I’d think. I agree with @bellac11 - you’re not gross. But maybe the experience of trying to fix yourself is going to be part of your journey to self acceptance, goodness knows it takes years.

@bellac11
My surgery was about 2 hours, I could have been a day case but chose to stay overnight

They've repositioned my belly button, cut the saggy skin out and pulled everything down.

I am not allowed to go up & downstairs for 2 weeks. Complete bed rest, cannot sleep flat, legs & head elevated.
If I cough or sneeze it's absolute agony.
I am a little more mobile as the week goes on.
I aim to have 6 weeks off work
Wear a binder for 6 weeks too

Thanks so much for your post - Wishing you a speedy recovery! How long ago did you have the surgery? I imagine it's incredibly difficult, I think I read it can take a year for inflammation etc to settle?

Oh dear, that is worse than I thought.

Are you eating, how are you going to toilet, no straining I assume!!!

@AllUmder I'm day 7 today
The first 4 days were awful and I needed help to sit up
Now getting easier

Apparently the scar, skin & swelling improve over 2 years.
I'm planning on some lymphatic massage and using some silicone & bio oil on the scar once it's ready

@bellac11 I'm walking to the toilet but bent over as cannot stand straight

I've stopped taking codeine now as I didn't go for 5 days, I was on laxitives which helped massively and didn't need to strain then
I'm just taking paracetamol and ibuprofen now

Oh wow that's really early days I feel for you!! I can only imagine this is the worst of it and you'll recover strength very quickly as the weeks go on.

I know you can be very well researched but it's still a shock?

I'm still so envious!

Ive heard about this lymphatic massage, do you do that yourself?

And Im wondering about the practicalities for people who have this type of surgery abroad, do they book a hotel for 2 weeks and live there during the recovery? Or stay in the hospital for that long, you surely couldnt fly after that sort of surgery, imagine queuing up, shuffling along through the airport, standing for hours, wedged into the plane seat

I dont know how people do it