AIBU to want a tummy tuck?

[AllUmder]

I hate my stomach, I have an overhang/apron. It's on my mind constantly, I check it in the mirror hundreds of times a day.

It's caused by weight loss ten years ago, I lost 6 stone. I've spent years trying to love myself and accept it. Years in the gym, weight training. Spent up to 3 hours a day with personal trainers, targeted fat loss, ate a totally clean diet, etc.

Nothing has helped. The past few months I'm so depressed about it, I get a rage of hatred and punch it.

My BMI is 22, I'm very fit, I dress well to hide it so you can't hugely notice in clothes, size 8-10.

DH is VERY against me having a tummy tuck. He thinks it's beyond stupid to have surgery for something I don't need. He says it's body dysmorphia - but it's not, he just loves me, we were married when I was overweight and he treats me exactly the same, it's like he never even saw the weight.

We can afford it, I can get time off work, we have no kids.

WIBU to just go ahead?

@Twatdog thank you so much for your advice.
She's also on the BLS as a practitioner so I'm happy with that.

The one who had emailed me saying she was the only local recognised practitioner is nowhere to be seen so I'm grateful for your advice

I suppose the BTEC was a giveaway

Hey
im 4 DPO today
Muscle repair (7cm gap from 3 pregnancies close together), tummy tuck, flanks lipo
Dr Reza Almouti
Exceptional care by nursing team and overnight at 112 Harley St
With overnight was around £15.5k
Pain much better than expected, had codine day 1-3.
Needed someone to do meals, help in/out bed days 1-2, day 4 walking round house going to WFH day 6 (weds) drain out today.
Feel much better than expected. Am fit (gym/swim x4 plus walk alot) but BMI 30 due to thyroid. Am 39. Bought all tje kit and vitamins.
Had apron and looked crap, exercise was making the tear worse

Annoying reslly if men had split stomaches sure NHS would rush to fix. But I brought up 3 clever kids and still need to pay to fix pregnancy mess... hey ho!!

Only vodder or casley smith trained therapists will be listed on MLDUK and BLS. I think they accept DLT from LTA, but they'll only be added as MLD - there's so many politics in this game.

That's not to say this lady you found isn't good, but I've not heard of a level 4 in lymphatic drainage. You have 3,4 & 5 BTEC in soft tissue therapy, or degrees in sports science etc. For drainage, you have beauty level, which is just called lymphatic drainage massage and there's no levels or the ability to be advanced. The next is MLD, and that's a lymphoedema therapist, from one of the 3 I mentioned earlier. I'd stick with your DLT person.

(Hope my input has been ok OP, and hope it's useful for others too)

@nameChangerTummyTuck
Exactly. If men were suffering hernias due to their stomach muscles being ripped apart the tummy tuck would be done on NHS.
(I remember when they used to be available on NHS if it was proven to affect mental wellbeing but I guess those funds were diverted elsewhere...)

I had one one 3 years ago. It's awesome and I love it!!! Mine tummy wasnt big and I had a BMI of 22 but I'm an hour glass naturally with massive knockers and after four kids my figure just looked so different. Once I got my waist and flat tummy back my confidence has soured!

However...(sorry), the recovery was horrendous. Like really really debilitating for me. And I've have four c-sections, and a hysterectomy prior (maybe that why) but I was hunched over for 6 weeks - I couldn't straighten up. I got infection after infection and if you'd have asked me 3-6 mths after the op I would have said never ever again. It absolutely floored me! I'd rather have 10 c sections that than op. I did not feel normal for almost a year!!! I had 'swelly belly' too which is a thing with tummy tucks so the results don't look great several months after if you have that. You might be lucky but make sure you have heaps of support around you for a while in case you are like me.

I was thin before like you but always had to think about clothes and if they hid/flattered my tummy - now I can and do wear body con dresses, tight tops and jeans.... and bikinis!!! And I'm 49! So even though I only went down a dress size it's changed my entire body shape - and my confidence as I say.

Hope that helps! Just my experience of course x

Ive just had abdominoplasty (with no repair of muscle or liposuction as this wasnt needed) 3 weeks ago, due to a large panniculus flap after 2x ceasarian section and major weight loss. Issues were discomfort from the overhang and infections in navel and under the loose skin. The whole area has had nerve issues since my first pregnancy, I couldnt feel touch or pain properly there so it really felt like not part of me - and it flapped about during any vigorous exercise despite the most controlling underwear available. So I chose to have an elective abdominoplasty thinking more about the effects on exercise and the infection irritations Ive been having. Im never going to wear a bikini but would like to be able to do a dance or exercise class without it irritating me.

I searched around to find a surgeon that I was comfortable with who did a few particular techniques that I would want used (I work in a related area of medicine) and didn't even consider going out my area or traveling far for this , as Ive seen too many horror stories and the risks of picking up atypical infections/struggling to get insurance for the trip/developing DVTs or postop issues while travelling are risks I wasnt willing to take.

Operation and recovery was a breeze compared with cesarean sections, GA for 1 and a half hours and they removed 30cm of loose skin/tissue and re positioned my navel. I was up the night of the operation, home the day after, and going about independently the day after. I barely needed opiate painkillers, and no painkillers at all after the first week. Im 3 weeks into recovery, and its going great - I have to wear a corset type bandage 24 hrs at the moment (I can take it off to shower and do wound care/scar care lying down) but can walk and gently cycle again, and drive. The biggest limitation is being recommended not to lift anything more than a few kilos in weight, but I'm back at work and feel great, swelling is minimal after the first few days. Really looking forward to being able to run again although weights and vigorous gym might have to wait a few more months.

DM if you want more info though I'm not in the UK so cant recommend anyone.

Yanbu, I would live to hsve one too. Having 5 children including my last pregnancy being twins then needing a c section has ruined my stomach. Although I doubt I could ever afford one so just got to live with it. But if you can afford it and really want one go for it. The only thing I'd say and I haven't rtft so don't know if you've already said but I see you said you don't have children snd if you are planning to have any I'd say have them first so you don't have the surgery then have children and end up with it going like it again

I just want to apologise for my last post I just read all your posts and seen you said you can't have children so I'm very sorry for my comment. I only read your OP then put my comment. Again im sorry

With all due respect to your DH it is not his body, or his decision. He must accept whatever you decide to do with your own body

No need to apologise at all! It's a very relevant point to consider, especially for this surgery.

I've had a chat with DH tonight and really had a heart to heart - he says it's my decision, but he'd rather I didn't go under the knife. He said if I did go ahead, that I should get the best surgeon available regardless of cost.

Lots more research for now, and I'm looking forward to the consultation in 2 weeks-(with the Nuffield, to answer PP) I will be booking more though and asking lots of questions.

Sorry to hijack your thread a little OP

@Twatdog after asking the one with the BTEC if she was registered with MLD or similar she sent this response:

MLD uk does not cover post cosmetic surgery they are more for Lipodema and cancer patients.

Please do not make the same mistake I did after my surgery and go to the incorrect therapist as it will not be what you need and will hinder/ruin your results.

We are fully trained, qualified and insured to offer post cosmetic surgery aftercare.

@Twatdog sorry posted too soon, what do you think about that?

Better than she knows herself? What bollocks.

Not at all - this is really helpful and relevant! I'm making notes for myself! Thank you.

I've woken up feeling better about my stomach for the first time in years, with the thought I know I need a tummy tuck. I was awake until 1am doing research.

I really want the surgery, I think it'll make a huge difference to my confidence and self esteem. There's no other part of me that I dislike so much, that feels like it isn't part of me, so I'm confident it wouldn't pass to another bit of me.

I will however also look at therapy beforehand, to explore my feelings around all of this too.

Thank you so much for the replies, you've all helped a great deal.

@AllUmder I'm so glad you're feeling good today.
Don't be surprised if you go through a range of feelings & emotions over it.
I had 3 years between consultations! And then another year before I actually did it

Good luck and keep us updated

That's good to know! It is a huge decision not to take lightly and I know the recovery could be pretty horrendous but I feel more hopeful now DH is a bit on board.

I wouldn't care about a big scar, or it being perfect...just to get the hanging bit off would be...well, I can't even imagine. It's truly causing me to feel miserable about myself. I've given it years and years now, tried all I can. As I say, it's not the worst in the world and I recognise that but it is making me depressed.

@AllUmder oh I hear you. I know I'm slim and that some women would be over the moon to have a size 8-10 figure
But it's about how YOU feel and what YOU see when you look in the mirror

It doesn't matter what other people think or what they see or what they would do.

It's your life and your body, you own that shit (my favourite line ever from my best friend)

MLDUK registered therapists are experts in MLD, dealing with swelling of all kinds - it's the pathology that changes.

In terms of not being post op, unless they do a post op course, you could argue that, however we do have to recertify as practitioners on a 2 or 3 year basis, and MLD held a conference in London the other week about cosmetic post op, so there's a lot of us that do it.

That said, there are good and bad therapists of all kinds, so I would check to see if they have experience in cosmetic post op.

Exactly, it's so true, and I shouldn't let anything get in the way of being happier. I'm very grateful for my healthy body and still so amazed that I lost the weight, I just did too much damage getting so big.

I put the weight on very very suddenly after a very traumatic event, so psychology my overhang reminds me of that every day.

Did my usual workout this morning, and for the first time I didn't feel absolutely awful and hating myself (tummy gets in the way) because I thought 'this WILL be gone'.

After considering it for years, I just know this is the right time and the only option. I have a great feeling about it.

Counting down until my consultation! I'll keep updating :)

@Orientalnamechange oh and I forgot to add, you can and do have therapists who have MLD training, not on those directories and who have post op certificates and are insured/qualified too.

really want the surgery, I think it'll make a huge difference to my confidence and self esteem.

I'm afraid that I am channelling my mother now, even though I know how infuriating it is. Nevertheless....

The tummy tuck surgery is not to be taken lightly. I know only one person who had it, a colleague whose surgery went perfectly but the wound just did not heal. Then got infected and the recovery took months and months.

I earnestly entreat you to consider spending some money with a therapist to see where you can rid yourself of the idea that your healthy physicality is detrimental to your mental health.

Hope you find what works for you.

Absolutely, I will seek therapy too, as I sure the wait for surgery would be months so I have lots of time to explore this.

I'm sorry what is the therapy necessary for? You have something on your body that's making you unhappy, and there's a way to have it surgically removed. It's actually pretty simple.

I don't get the need for the introspection; you wouldn't have therapy over getting your tonsils out if they were negatively affecting you.

there's a way to have it surgically removed

There is no way to 100% guarantee that the surgery will be success and that there not be any after effects.

My colleague whose wound did not heal and got infection was off ill for months and months. Her ability to exercise has been permanently impaired.

It's not like having a haircut.