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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to see if I'm missing something in my day

182 replies

bapplebanana · 02/10/2023 07:09

Could you help me to manage my time better in the day- every day is the same, never enough time to go to the gym / do something for myself, or so it feels.

6.30am wake up, get two young DS ready, do breakfast, get myself ready
7.30am leave the house for first drop off at nursery
8.00am second drop off at breakfast club
8.20am arrive at work (secondary school)
4.00pm leave school, pack up school work I haven't finished, and pick kids up, be home by 5.00ish
5.00ish start dinner
6.30 husband arrives home, me and husband eat
7.00 husband starts bed time for the boys, I start work
9.00-9.30 finish work and fall asleep on sofa by 10!

What can I rejig there to make life a bit less repetitive? I love working out it makes me feel much better and currently only managing a work out at weekends

OP posts:
AutumnAuntie · 02/10/2023 10:55

Sorry wrong thread, I reported it.

sunlightinthetrees · 02/10/2023 11:12

Why can’t your DH do more to help?

forrestgreen · 02/10/2023 11:45

Is there a gym near work, a friend works through her lunch, marks as she goes and leaves as soon as she can. Then goes to the gym. Then picks up kids??

Eggsandavocado · 02/10/2023 11:52

Get up earlier, I often get up at 5/5:30 to fit in a run or workout

Barney60 · 02/10/2023 12:32

Take away one night a week gives you plenty of time for a work out, or batch cook get hubby to put in the oven while you go off and work out.

Sunshinenrain · 02/10/2023 12:34

Hufflepods · 02/10/2023 08:36

I genuinely don't know any teacher who works for 2.5hrs every evening. It's the sort of thing I see repeated but I have a family of teachers plus friends who are now about 7-10 years into teaching primary or secondary and no one is working those hours.

You have 5 weekday mornings and 5 weekday evenings a week, there should be enough flex in your schedule to go to the gym twice and maybe drinks or dinner with a friend one evening. You just have to want to do it.
If you don't make the plans you won't do it.

I recently gave up teaching.

Every school I’ve worked in required me to work evenings and usually Sundays too.

I would try and get everything I needed done in the holidays but I still needed to work most evenings during term time.
It was impossible to get everything done else.

I also found it mentally draining as you couldn’t switch off because you’re constantly thinking about what needs to be done.

The only way I could exercise was by doing home workouts which I don’t think mentally are as good.

OP id either try and do a morning or evening workout after you’ve eaten a couple of times a week.

You could even take up swimming, cycling or running and go with your DCs straight after school.
Perhaps pack a snack for them and have their spare clothes in the car ready.

Coffeedrinker7 · 02/10/2023 12:35

Please don’t get up earlier! You need your sleep and your life sounds full on as it is!

If all else fails, I would suggest getting DH to take over with the DC for half a day at the weekend and getting a chunk of work done then. Yes you’ll miss out on time with the kids, but you’ll also be fresher so you’ll get more done than you do in the evenings, and you’ll be more ‘present’ for them in the evenings if you’re not stressing about work.

I still think DH should do more though.

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 02/10/2023 13:53

Eggsandavocado · 02/10/2023 11:52

Get up earlier, I often get up at 5/5:30 to fit in a run or workout

Why should she?? Her husband has hands. We assume

GingerKombucha · 02/10/2023 13:54

I would say after school care is a good option. I don't get home until 6.30 but keep my kids up to 8 so I get to spend some time with them. Would that be an option? I have no time to workout (working day 8 to 5.30 and then again from about 9 to 11pm so pretty sure it's impossible) but I think you should be able to squeeze it in between 4pm and 5pm.

Whatsfordinneragain · 02/10/2023 14:01

What does he do after bedtime is done?

This

AmyOscar · 02/10/2023 14:12

Some good suggestions already been made.

Your days are indeed packed! But I echo some of the sentiments on here that there is indeed room for change :-).

To do all the pick-ups, drop-offs, and dinner/homework etc when you are also working full time isn't a fair division of logistical or mental load between you and your husband! I wonder if there is a perception that - because you're working in a school that finishes at 3.30/4pm, you therefore have the capacity to manage all the kids' needs too? When actually - the fact that you're continuing to work in the evening suggests that the full hours of your working day may well match that of your husband's ...

I'd suggest seeing if he can do a couple of drop offs each week... and if he can't do any of the pick-ups (i.e. if his commute/work just doesn't allow it), would it be possible for the kids to do an after school club or go to a childminder just one evening a week where they also have dinner, so you can have some space, be it to chill, work out, catch up - or whatever you fancy.

You sound very organised and dedicated - but you have already realised that your own needs have ended up taking last place while you juggle all the family needs. Maybe this has continued as it's just become habit/the norm/expected, but i'd definitely have a good chat with your other half over a glass of wine and explain why it's time this changed! Put the issue to your husband and see what he suggests - he may well have some good ideas as to how to help. There are 4 people in your household, and everyone deserves to have their needs acknowledged. All the best! x

literalviolence · 02/10/2023 14:38

OP you seem to be sleeping at least 8.5 hours a night. That does seem rather a lot. You might be someone who just needs a lot of sleep but I wonder whether you have any health issues which need addressing? That might enable you to do a workout before 6:30 (even if it's a 15 minute power burst).

AutumnAuntie · 02/10/2023 14:47

OP you seem to be sleeping at least 8.5 hours a night I don’t think 8.5 hours in bed is a lot.

I think the main issues are you both doing full time jobs without any childcare in place and your DH needs to do a bit more. He could batch cook at the weekend or prep for the next day’s dinner once the DC are in bed etc.

OP decide on a couple of blocks of time and take these for yourself, Wednesday evening and Sunday morning for example.

Dadfromthesea · 02/10/2023 14:49

Do you have room in your house for any gym equipment? I was in a similar position to you a few years ago. Bought a cross trainer for £200 (in my head, the equivalent of four months gym membership) and resolved to get up half an hour earlier each day and use it. I have barely missed a day since. So now I get a 7 day a week workout, feel like I’ve achieved something before the day even starts, and my half hour workout literally takes about 31 minutes from start to finish. No messing around going to a gym, packing bags etc.

If you have the room, I would thoroughly recommend it.

Good luck!

Calc123 · 02/10/2023 14:55

Weekends: lesson plan for following week and batch cook meals

then 2 or 3 times a week (however many time you want to exercise) do:
6.30am wake up, get two young DS ready, do breakfast, get myself ready
7.30am leave the house for first drop off at nursery
8.00am second drop off at breakfast club
8.20am arrive at work (secondary school)
4.00pm leave school, pack up school work I haven't finished, and pick kids up, be home by 5.00ish
5.00ish dinner for you and kids, and squeeze in some of your school marking, while your kids are doing their homework/playing
6.30 husband arrives home, you go to gym and hubby does school work with kids
7.00 husband does bed time for the boys and has his dinner
8.30pm you're back from the gym, shower
9pm either you and hubby have chil time together or if you still have marking to do then finish that

GingerIsBest · 02/10/2023 15:06

Have you said what your DH's hours are like because it seems to me that's your core problem - you're doing it all.

I think that he needs to step up (or you need a bit more childcare) so that you can also be more efficient at work - working late at night every night so you're constantly exhausting is a bit of a unvirtuous circle - you get more and more tired, so less and less efficient etc.

More practically, for me then I'd say first, DH has to do the mornings at least twice a week. You get up and out the door to school to do some of that extra work while you're fresh and/or to do some exercise.

In the evenings, same - either he picks them up or you get wraparound childcare twice a week so that you can stay at school and get the work done.

This frees up YOUR evenings and gives you more energy. Then at least a couple of times a week, you are off to a set class/gym session or whatever.

when I first went back to a very busy job in the city - out of the house at least 12 hours a day - after mat leave, DH was a SAHD. One of the things that was crucial to his overall health and well being was that he joined a running club. I did everything I could to ensure I was home on time twice a week, with one of those days pretty much inviolate. I saw it as an investment in our family life. Similarly, if that meant sometimes I was even later home on other days, so be it.

RoseMarigoldViolet · 02/10/2023 15:11

Could your husband either work from home or come home earlier one day a week so that he takes over the evening duties and you go to the gym?

Wanderinghome · 02/10/2023 15:16

Hi, i havn't read all the replies so this might have already been mentioned. Joe wicks the body coach currently has an offer on for teachers/educators. Due to this there's quite a few teachers in the fb group that maybe you could bounce ideas off?

FrenchieFan · 02/10/2023 15:18

Assuming your husband is home in the mornings, can you get up before 6:30 and go for a run/home workout to set you up for the day? I get up at 5 and go to the gym for a 6am class and I’m back by 7:15 .. do you work from home any days, can you do a workout then?

The cold is coming so time for slow cooker dinners, you could do a workout during this time, Pilates etc.. get the kids a mat too so they can join in? Xx

gabsdot · 02/10/2023 15:26

I'm shocked that you have to do 2 hours of work every night. Could you stay in school to do that. You might be more productive that at home in the evening when you're more tired.
Then at least when you get home the time is your own.

AmberSeaglass · 02/10/2023 15:29

Life can be a hard balancing act. It sounds like you are an excellent teacher and want to provide the best education you can give your pupils

The game changers for our household is definitely around the meals:

  • I echo what others have said about slow cookers, ones with a timer and keep warm function are definitely worth the extra
  • Try to have the majority of your midweek dinners prepped in the freezer. Whether that’s all the raw ingredients of slow cooker meals in a zip lock bag or cooked meals that just need reheating such as lasagne, chilli, bolognese, curry etc. I’m definitely not this organised right now (I need to be) but when I am life mid week flows so much better and it’s a welcome relief to just throw the meal in the oven without the mess or prep. Build up your stash by making 2 or 3 of everything
Baffled1989 · 02/10/2023 15:30

Batch cook, use the slow cooker - make dinner the night before / use freezer when batch cooking.

I get up at 5.30/6 for a run / workout.

5128gap · 02/10/2023 15:41

You need to compare with your DHs day. From what you've written, he does nothing in the morning other than get himself ready and out of the house. So maybe take turns with this. So on your mornings, you're not on duty until its time to drop DC off.
When your DH gets in at 630 he eats the meal you've cooked, does bedtime, then is free for the night while you continue your paid job, so he could definitely pick up more to even this out.
How about he batch cooks at the weekend or in the evening while youre working, so you only need to grab something from the freezer for dinners instead of cooking? Might free up a chunk of evening where with some juggling you could at least have a 20 minute run.

Giraffapuses · 02/10/2023 15:50

Wow. You are doing amazing to manage all that. No wonder it's a challenge to find time. I have a similar situation but for much less good reasons. Here are my 'hacks':

  • break up your workouts e.g. whack out a 20 minute hitt workout during work
  • hard-core work outs at the weekend. Sometimes I double up at the weekend
  • Be smart with your workouts. E.g. I often do 100 burpees vile but best bang for buck time v calories.
  • workouts of opportunity. Is that the bath running? Bam quick 100 sit ups, plank and 100 squats
  • meal prep. As others have said. This will change your life
  • consider a 9:30pm quick bodyweight workout. Will wake you up enough for another hour (10 - 11pm)
  • home gym. Few bits of equipment will change everything.

Overall tho. Your a machine. That's a tough schedule.

Skyglimmer · 02/10/2023 15:58

I haven't read all the replies but how about a morning workout? My husband and I take it in turns to go to the gym 7-8am whilst the other one of us gets the kids ready for School/Nursery, I do an evening class once a week as well so we both get 3 workouts in each.