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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to see if I'm missing something in my day

182 replies

bapplebanana · 02/10/2023 07:09

Could you help me to manage my time better in the day- every day is the same, never enough time to go to the gym / do something for myself, or so it feels.

6.30am wake up, get two young DS ready, do breakfast, get myself ready
7.30am leave the house for first drop off at nursery
8.00am second drop off at breakfast club
8.20am arrive at work (secondary school)
4.00pm leave school, pack up school work I haven't finished, and pick kids up, be home by 5.00ish
5.00ish start dinner
6.30 husband arrives home, me and husband eat
7.00 husband starts bed time for the boys, I start work
9.00-9.30 finish work and fall asleep on sofa by 10!

What can I rejig there to make life a bit less repetitive? I love working out it makes me feel much better and currently only managing a work out at weekends

OP posts:
olderbutwiser · 02/10/2023 07:38

i think the fact you’re working 10 hour days full time with two small children is your problem. I’m surprised you have time to pee.

Mapletreelane · 02/10/2023 07:39

It's difficult OP, some posters have said for your DH to do more. But my DH commuted 90 miles a day so physically couldn't be around, therefore I used to do all the drop offs both sides of the day and after school activities.

One thing that really used to help was I would have my dinner with kids then leave husbands on the side with for him to warm up.

Then when husband gets home you can go straight out. On nights that I went out to gym I'd also make sure it was quick and easy food, ie a frozen sauce from freezer or a 5 min fresh pasta and sauce too.

SprogTakesAQuarry · 02/10/2023 07:40

olderbutwiser · 02/10/2023 07:38

i think the fact you’re working 10 hour days full time with two small children is your problem. I’m surprised you have time to pee.

I was going to say exactly the same thing. I worked in schools for years and do understand the pressure.

Original poster
bapplebanana · 02/10/2023 07:40

Yes, teacher, really really love my job, though!

@TotalOverhaul what a brilliant reply- thank you, going to mull this over!

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 02/10/2023 07:42

Only thing I can think of is to have the children in after school care so that you can nip to the gym before collecting them or husband collects them.

CurlewKate · 02/10/2023 07:44

All I can think of is you eat early with the children and you dash out to gym/swim as soon as dp gets home. It does mean you don't eat together though.:(

CantMoveCatOnMyLap · 02/10/2023 07:44

Doing all the drop offs/ pick ups is exhausting enough without trying to fit in the gym! Your DH definitely needs to do some, I bet if you were the one getting the train to work you’d still do 2 or 3 a week.

In terms of fitting in even a small amount of physical exercise can you park at your school after nursery drop off to walk your older child to school, seeing as you say they’re both near your workplace but traffic is awful?

Otherwise it’s weekends for exercise , that sounds exhausting enough.

Original poster
bapplebanana · 02/10/2023 07:45

@RaininSummer

Yeah, I could do- I get the mum guilt, you know? There is actually a pool at my school we can use as staff. I never have as I'm not a very good swimmer and I think it's all split into swimming lanes, but maybe that's a solution

OP posts:
redskytonights · 02/10/2023 07:46

With a similar routine to yours, I tried to slot in an exercise break at around 6.45pm a couple of times a week - so time for me to catch up briefly with DH - then he takes over the children. We ate after the DC were in bed (or I ate with the DC and DH ate when he came in). Running or working out at home (if you have somewhere you can close the door and specify no children allowed) will save you time.

arintingly · 02/10/2023 07:47

I agree with @TotalOverhaul in the main but a couple of additional thoughts:

Even if your DH can't do the drop offs because he doesn't have a car, can he at least get the kids ready some mornings? That might give you a chance to do a 10 min exercise video. I like Lucy Wyndham Reed's 7 min ones

Or could your DH take the car some days and you commute by bike or ebike?

More radically, could you move the kids to a childminder to make it one drop off? I.e. a childminder who would drop off to school. Of course this may not exist in your area

multiholk · 02/10/2023 07:49

Agree - get DH to do more.

maybe try the gusto food boxes so he starts doing dinner.

jillan Michaels app ‘the fitness app’ has 7 min works outs, you could fit those in.

or buy a bungee rebounder fitness trampoline. The kids will love it and it’s good exercise for you too

Original poster
bapplebanana · 02/10/2023 07:50

Bike would be a lovely way to get to work, it would be okay on the way there but not on the way back with both dc. Will have a look at those work out videos, thank you all for being so helpful!

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 02/10/2023 07:55

I think if you’re doing drop off you could try your Dh handling some of the morning routine too? As it is you’re with the kids from 6ish to 8ish- could he maybe handle 6-7am so you have time to get up and either have a 15 min jog or do a workout?

Also agree with batch cooking or having a few weeknights where you do beans on toast or sandwiches- then could you go for a walk with the kids or again do a TV workout or yoga at home? Or, once dinner is finished 2 nights a week could you go to a class or for a swim (I time this with picking my kids up from activities- my DH takes them) and then push the extra work to the next evening and spend a bit longer? Or just drab your moments and head out for a 10 min walk around the block.

It’s really difficult though, working full time (and especially in the evenings) with kids is a killer. At least when they’re about older they do more activities on their own and you have “gaps” in the evenings but it’s still difficult.

Photio · 02/10/2023 07:57

Can you DH put in a flexible working request so he is home earlier 1 day a week? That way you could run kids home, just drop them off and go stray out again?

But your biggest issue is you are doing all the drop offs and pick ups, most working couples would be sharing those even if it was only 1 day a week.
I know you love your job but is there any scope for part-time for a couple of years until children are a bit older?

margotrose · 02/10/2023 08:00

Your DH needs to do more. Either step up in the mornings so you can go to the gym or for a run before work, or finish earlier in the evenings so he can do dinner.

It shouldn't be all on you.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/10/2023 08:02

Definitely get your DH to do more. Him commuting by train while its more convenient for you to do all the drop offs and pick ups by car isn't a get out of jail free card for him, especially as he has time on the train to read, mindlessly surf the internet, stare out of the window, whatever and he needs to be pulling his weight elsewhere. Can he do slow cooker prep in the morning so you come home to dinner made and can take an hour out of that 90 mins for you a couple of nights a week? Can he use his commuting time to do some life admin, eg meal plan, research quick meals and batch cooking, do the grocery shop etc?

Any chance you can 'compress' your out of hours teacher work so you don't do it every day?

eastiseastwestiswest · 02/10/2023 08:02

A few nights a week I would leave the house at 6:30pm as soon as husband walks through the door to do an exercise class whilst husband puts kids to bed and sorts dinner for you both. Then come home, eat dinner quickly or in front of laptop and do a bit of work.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/10/2023 08:05

Oh, and definitely find time to swim at work a couple of days a week, that's a gift that shouldn't be wasted. Or see if there's such a thing as online aqua aerobics videos.

Unless your DH does fixed shifts, he should be looking at a flexible work request/part WFH to reduce his time out of the house so he can do more at home and perhaps you could commute by bike a day or two a week and he does the drop offs/pick ups and then WFH.

MistyBay · 02/10/2023 08:07

Find a better work life balance. Yours sounds horrendous to me. I gave up a good job and took a massive pay cut to work part time as freelance for 16 years whilst my kids were young and my DH at the time was on quite a low wage for most of that so we just did without.

totaldeniallimitation · 02/10/2023 08:11

As everyone else says, you seem to be taking over the majority of the domestic/ kid load, as well as having a job. You do before school/ after school/ dinner for family. All he does is bedtime. A fairer division of labour may free up more time.

AutumnAuntie · 02/10/2023 08:12

20 minute work out on TV while dinner is cooking, easier dinners, eat with DC rather than have two dinner times on some nights and DH eats in his own those nights.

sunlightinthetrees · 02/10/2023 08:14

Could your husband not do pick up and drop off once or twice a week?

What is his job? If an office job then it’s pretty unusual to have to commute every single day, most jobs now offer at least a day or so WFH. Is he very well paid in which case can you buy in more help to give you some more time. If not could he look for a job with more flexibility.

madamreign · 02/10/2023 08:17

bapplebanana · 02/10/2023 07:50

Bike would be a lovely way to get to work, it would be okay on the way there but not on the way back with both dc. Will have a look at those work out videos, thank you all for being so helpful!

Get a Tern- you can get up to three kids on them

declutteringmymind · 02/10/2023 08:17

Ok so get a childminder and get DH to drop
Them off.

madamreign · 02/10/2023 08:18

I did and I whizz past the traffic every morning

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