Really struggling with life and feel like a failure

[strugggling]

I have a young baby and ended things with his Dad when I was pregnant. Sometimes I regret it but other times I am glad I was strong enough to walk away. He has no interest in our baby and it hurts a lot. I have claimed cms which he pays but has no interest in his care. I am finding it so hard to function everyday. I feel like ds is bored and lonely. I am dreading going back to work in a couple of weeks. I will use a day of holiday a week for the first 4 months but I won’t have any time to myself still. I work from home a lot and I’m hoping to do washing etc on lunch hours and a bit of cleaning but I am so fed up. There’s no time to enjoy anything ever. Life is a struggle. I don’t know why I’m posting really. Feel worried about the future, ds will probably ask where his dad is, I won’t know how to answer it. I won’t meet anyone new now as I literally have no time. I will struggle again this year to pay for heating. I can’t claim child benefit as I’m just on the threshold. I am probably going to be in debt paying for nursery. None of this is how I thought my life would look. I have no free childcare as parents always travelling. How am I supposed to do this for the next 17 years? And probably longer.

I can’t see how it will ever be better @Rochnutty i can’t afford a cleaner either so I have no help whatsoever

@Rochnutty i don’t know what you mean there’s 3 of us?

@Rochnutty what help do you think I am entitled to? I’d love to know!!

@Rochnutty sorry I really don’t understand what you mean. I am struggling with everything not just money, but affording to live is one factor

Just a handhold. Money is a nightmare when you are paying for childcare.

It gets better. Much better. This too shall pass.

Look for friends, maybe among fellow nursery parents. Look for or start a babysitting circle where you swap babysitting tome just to get a bit of adult time to yourself occasionally.

Are you paying all bills and a mortgage by yourself with no help? Have you sat down and done a spreadsheet of finances to work out what you could cut/spend less on.
Have you considered a childminder? They are often cheaper and the child gets more 1 to 1 care, less illnesses and usually end up like part of the childminders family.
Are you working Mon to Fri?

I am afraid that having young children simply means you do not have time to yourself - it is just how it is. But that does not mean there is nothing enjoyable - babies are enjoyable - hard work, but definitely enjoyable if you choose to look at it that way.

Things will change over time, but at this stage babies simply become your life - you can at least try and make it fun.

There will be loads of setbacks in life but the only way to carry on is to make the best of them, or you will always be feeling miserable.

@Mischance i get what you mean, I just feel I would have my own time a bit if I wasn’t a single parent. I just want half an hour a day.

It gets easier as they get older. Free childcare will kick in, and eventually they will go to school. They also get less intense to look after. It does make sense to explore childcare options to ensure you get some time to yourself now.

It’s not a race to the bottom @Rochnutty .
If op earns 50k, she can’t get any help from universal credit. She’s literally the people referred to as the squeezed middle. If she gets some child maintenance, once she pays for her housing cost and close to 1k of childcare, ofcourse she’ll struggle and that’s what she’s explaining here.
OP, I’m so sorry you’re facing this but it’ll get better. I know it might not seem like it now but the govt will be bringing some free childcare entitlements soon for under 3 years old for working parents and that may reduce your childcare cost and enable you to get some help like a cleaner. Also, the expensive childcare fee is not forever, breakfast and ASC costs less when they start school.
You can try to see if you can use a childminder as that’s always cheaper as well.
You can also take annual leave sometimes when your child is in nursery and spend the day looking after yourself. I’m not single but I do this as well as apart from dh, there’s no other help so I look forwards to my days off when the children are in school/nursery. Just take one day at a time

Stop looking at the next 17 years, you don’t know what they’ll bring for good or bad. Children grow and need less childcare, though you’re a ways a way from that just now.

Things will be tighter with a baby, especially with childcare, but you’re on a good income so things will get easier. I feel for you but hang in there.

All these things are connected that’s why people are focusing on money side. If you have money you have more opportunities to make your life easier and outsource help not only for practical issues but for your mental health as well.
If you are earning 50k plus getting CM and there are only 2 of you a lot depends on other factors : mortgage, rent, commute costs. It’s difficult to comment until it’s clear what exactly the problem is.

Thanks @Tohaveandtohold i am really not coping. I’ve been crying most of today. I don’t know how to make ends meet anymore and I feel like the world is closing in on me, I don’t feel I will ever go to bed feeling ok and safe and secure ever again. I have also heard the government might not follow through with the free hours. Ds isn’t two until next year in December

@pizzaHeart my mortgage is 800. I work from home except twice a month which costs me 70 quid. Childcare is 1,300. Student loans is 300. I have credit card debt interest free which is 110 a month. Car finance of 220. I can’t afford any help.

@Rochnutty hes not one until this December so it’s miles off