Really struggling with life and feel like a failure

[strugggling]

I have a young baby and ended things with his Dad when I was pregnant. Sometimes I regret it but other times I am glad I was strong enough to walk away. He has no interest in our baby and it hurts a lot. I have claimed cms which he pays but has no interest in his care. I am finding it so hard to function everyday. I feel like ds is bored and lonely. I am dreading going back to work in a couple of weeks. I will use a day of holiday a week for the first 4 months but I won’t have any time to myself still. I work from home a lot and I’m hoping to do washing etc on lunch hours and a bit of cleaning but I am so fed up. There’s no time to enjoy anything ever. Life is a struggle. I don’t know why I’m posting really. Feel worried about the future, ds will probably ask where his dad is, I won’t know how to answer it. I won’t meet anyone new now as I literally have no time. I will struggle again this year to pay for heating. I can’t claim child benefit as I’m just on the threshold. I am probably going to be in debt paying for nursery. None of this is how I thought my life would look. I have no free childcare as parents always travelling. How am I supposed to do this for the next 17 years? And probably longer.

What's your net monthly income from work and cms?

@Setyoufree 2800

On the no time to yourself thing, baby will go to bed reliably for the evening before long and you'll get time to yourself then

@Setyoufree sorry and cms of 350

I sympathise. I’m a single parent and it’s hard going. I think you sound a bit depressed, which is understandable.
It’s hard when you don’t have another person who has your back and steps in when things are up against it.
I’m nearly 20 years on from where you are and one thing I have learned is how important it is to carve a little time out for yourself. If that means lowering your standards at home temporarily, so be it.
What would make you feel like you? Hobbies? Lunch with a friend?
Make a list of what would make you feel better - big things and little things and find a way to squeeze them in

How am I supposed to do this for the next 17 years?

In the kindest possible way, you won't be doing this for the next 17 years. Your baby won't stay a baby. They'll grow up, go to school and become more independent. By secondary school age you won't need childcare. Day to day life will get a lot easier quicker than you think. The days are long but the years are short.

@Rochnutty ive literally just set out my expenses? How can you not see that’s barely anything to actually live off?

OP you can claim tax free childcare contributions - pretty much gives you 20% off your bill even when free hours kick in. Can earn up to 100k

Rent/mortgage
Home insurance
Childcare
Council tax
Water rates
Gas
Electric
Broadband
Phone
Car tax, insurance, petrol
Public transport costs
Gym and leisure
Food
Clothing

I could go on.
.

Are you sure about the child benefit? Its on a taper from 50k to 60k. Have you got other deductions? When i was on 57k i was paying less than £300 student loan but taking home more than your £2800 each month. Just wondering if there are options here (not pension).

Has your little one started nursery yet? Here's a few tips:

• consider a childminder instead, it may cut childcare costs a lot.

• if there's just the two of you in the house and he's not yet walking, how dirty and messy can it get, other than the kitchen at mealtimes? Do a big clean once in a while but otherwise just maintain, and lower your standards a bit if they are high. Ditto with washing- is it really that big a chore with only the two of you?

• in the evenings when he's asleep, batch cook, get organised and get all the shitty jobs out of the way that add up.

• have you tried asking your parents for help? Maybe they don't realise how much you're struggling? They may be willing to take a break from travelling to help out their daughter.

Also not a tip but mat leave can be isolating, especially as a single parent. You may find once you're back to work and you have some time away from DS that it will do you the world of good.

OP - sorry you're in this situation.
Will you try to sleep train? That would give you some time.

(Separately, I'm horrified by how many people I see on this site suffering and not willing to sleep train.... And the consequences - other people posting years on, still not getting a full night's sleep with 3-4 year olds. I'm sorry but mothers are people too!!)

Your on more money then us and lots of families, we support two children one in childcare x2 days a week and I don't work? You must have a lot of debt? Can't budget (meal planning) or are a wind up?

As a starting point don't subscribe to anything none essential. Scrap all Tv and such subscriptions.

Take a good honest look at your finances and trim down expenses asap.

Are you claiming the tax element of your child care bill? It's worth it.

@Housenoob I’m scared I will go back to work and I still won’t feel I have any space from ds. That’s the main issue. I can cope with being poor. I love ds but I have not had one minute away from him since he was born. I’m not exaggerating.

@newwings i wasn’t aware of the tax free childcare, I will look at that before he starts thanks

@Rochnutty move to where for who?