I can't fucking make my flat look clean and tidy. What can I do?

[FukZake]

We live in a small flat, just over 500 square feet. My mum died and I had to collect a load more of my things from their house, plus some of her own precious things that she left to me.

I'm sitting here trying not to cry because we have so much STUFF for the size of our flat and it doesn't work. There's nowhere to store things, to tidy them away, so now there is dust as well.

We have one large built in wardrobe for 2 of us, and 2 chests of drawers and that's it - our clothes are piled up on top of the chests and then we try to put non seasonal things in plastic storage tubs up high on top of the wardrobe.

I can never find the right thing I want to wear and have nowhere to even try putting out my cosmetics etc. I'm so fucking sick of how tiny the flat is but apart from size it is really nice and perfect location.

I clean the bathroom and kitchen of course so it is always sanitary but I've just had another go as we have someone coming over tomorrow and the bathroom and kitchen just look like shit because again there's too much stuff everywhere.

Is it just pointless to try to have a really clean flat as long as we have too much stuff for the size of the place?

I fucking hate the dust it is disgusting, I just feel really upset by it all today.

Excess bedding is major. We ripped out our airing cupboard to make a walk-in shower. I was worried about storage but I had just filled the cupboard up because I could(and because my DM and my DGM had) so I got a metal towel shelf from Ikea that holds 10+ neatly folded towels( looks quite chic and hotelish actually) and a black zip up under bed drawer for extra bedding. Just two sets for each bed. Store each set inside one of the pillowcases.

Minimalism! Stop trying to store things. No one NEEDS lots of stuff

I live in a flat and I'm doing the exact same thing this weekend, like you the coats hanging up are driving me insane because they make the place look untidy.

I've been ruthless with my clothes, every time I sort them out I hang onto way too much stuff that I'll never wear in reality.

The ottoman bed is a good shout and I've been looking on Amazon because I only need the frame as the mattress is new, you can pay in instalments for some of them as well.

I've vacuum packed things to save space and decluttered to death. My tv is on one of those ikea units that you can buy the fabric storage boxes for so I keep paperwork etc in those.

The bathroom I struggle with but I've seen a few good shelves on SHEIN that don't need screwing, they are cheap enough so I'm going to risk it and see if they last.

There's some good ideas on this thread as well that I'm going to look into, it's so difficult when space is limited.

Cupboards around the bed would be good for loads of additional storage.

We rented a storage unit when my DP moved in end of last year, it was so handy. We had so many duplicates of everything that it gave us time to sort through what we wanted to keep, store or ditch. It cost £120 a month and was a lined container, surprisingly big, 100% dry and very clean. We visited every 2/3 weeks and sorted through stuff and were able to give it up in May this year, with everything gone. We offered furniture to friends or charity, nothing was scrapped, and sorted through all the other bits. We have not missed any items nor did we bin anything vital.
Do consider this if possible, it was a life-saver!

What really spurred me on as I’m quite sentimental, was when my DM died. I didn’t want my DC to have to sort through loads of stuff. So we had a big blitz, loft emptied too so only Christmas decs and suitcases plus one sentimental box for each child. I work term time so every holiday I sort a drawer or cupboard just to make sure I’m not hoarding! I do get a kick out of it and love storage ideas. 😂

Get rid of anything you don’t need or doesn’t hold sentimental value.

I’ve been to a few homes that are actually spotless big never look clean or tidy because they have too much clutter.

My home is mostly clutter free apart from my bedroom and that is the room that looks the most untidy.
I am spending a set amount of time each week going through it and getting rid of anything I don’t need.

I don’t have a lot of spare time to clean and I find it’s so much easier to keep to a half decent standard if there’s not clutter everywhere.

Start with one room at a time.
Go through everything and get rid of as much unnecessary stuff as possible.

Get plastic storage boxes and stack them up in the corner of the room with anything you want to keep or aren’t sure off.

Once you’ve done every room you can leave it a couple of weeks and go back through the maybe boxes and think of you actually need it or would miss it.

This is a great idea if you can afford it.

A family member did similar.

She put almost everything she owned in a storage facility and was left with just the bare basics.
She loved having less clutter and found that if she needed anything extra she could get it from the storage.

She would go to the storage and go through the boxes and get rid of anything she definitely doesn’t need.

The rest she saved until last.

She then was left with just stuff she thought she wanted and gave herself a time limit to give the storage back.
She didn’t want to bring all of the clutter back so she was able to be much more ruthless and get rid of most of the stuff she hasn’t needed or missed the entire time she’s had the storage unit.

That's different though @WhalePolo . The OP says that she has so much stuff that she has clothes piled up as there is nowhere to put them, and that she can never find anything.

I don't think having nothing and living in a stark white, minimal box is anything to aspire to either. But there is a whole spectrum between that, and not being able to move for stuff. It seems fairly clear that the OP is struggling emotionally with letting go of stuff, especially the stuff belonging to her mum.

I don't think storage is the answer - it's just moving the problem elsewhere. The answer is to get rid of stuff, being ruthless. Nobody needs multiple coats, maybe 3 - a waterproof one, a smart one, a summer one. Definitely agree with watching "Sort Your Life Out" on iPlayer.

You either need to reduce the volume of stuff, or you need better storage solutions.

Reducing the stuff is hard, especially when you are grieving, so perhaps focus on the storage options for now. Learn how to fold clothes well so they take up less space, and how to hang stacks on one hanger (you can use a ring pull from a drinks can!), hanging storage over doors, boxes on top of cupboards and/or hanging shelves underneath cupboards.

Is there any possibility of moving somewhere bigger?

Do you have stuff (for example from your mum) that you want to keep and use one day but don't need now? Hiring a storage unit would be useful for that sort of stuff.

Don't underestimate how much grief can overwhelm you. Be kind to yourself.

If you have such a tiny flat and you're ashamed of the mess, surely you don't have space for many guests to stay over/stay over often anyway, so is this a huge issue?
hand and body towel x 2 for each of you = 8 towels in total, that's more than enough to give one to guests! As for your other examples, surely none of those things happen at the same time? So maybe have 1 beach towel as well but then your beach towel/2nd towel sets are also your mopping up/guest towels. You're going to wash them anyway?

I'm not really sure what advice you expect people to give if you're not open to getting rid of stuff. You don't have enough space so the only 2 options are 2 get less stuff (and better organise the stuff you have to keep, but there's a limit to the extent you can do this), or move somewhere bigger, and, tbh, for most people their stuff expands to fill their space anyway so you'll probably just have the same issue down the road. There is no magic 3rd option, (other than accept your flat will always look a mess and live with it) anyone can suggest, you either need more space or less stuff.

Stroop "Nobody needs multiple coats, maybe 3 - a waterproof one, a smart one, a summer one"

question one - isn't the "it's bloody freezing" coat missing from that list?

I made the mistake of telling myself that I could have fewer coats. Luckily before I got rid of the coats I tried just using a couple for what was meant to be a month. Did not work. I don't drive so there's a lot of walking, waiting at bus stops in all weathers, and being on the Tube which is freakishly hot even on cold days.

there's currently two summer coats hanging by the door, and three hoody type things. The winter coats are at mum's. I am very, very glad I didn't just give them away or sell them or whatever. I have three of those and one is reversible.

I can imagine that a hoarding DH is a common problem. Mine certainly is..hardly anything leaves the house before being scrutinised for potential usefulness. Even cardboard boxes!

As regards the old clothes I had a fabulous stroke of luck last year when we got moths. They ate some of DH's jumpers, left out because his drawers are stuffed with old clothes which "could be useful in the garage". I darned and froze the nicest one and chucked the others, then I had a good look through his many, many jackets and scarves hanging up on the coatrack.

You will be AMAZED to hear how many tiny holes/grubs I found on the scruffiest ones, even a disgusting leather jacket was condemned....I smuggled those bin bags out of the house before they were checked 😉

I’m with you on the coats!
I walk most places, and have dc that play sports plus I live by the sea so am constantly battered by the elements. I think I have 12!
A full length down one for when it’s bloody freezing and I’m going to be outside a lot
A mid length synthetic down one for more average winter use
A short down one for colder spring/autumn days
A raincoat
A waterproof trench
Two smart wool ones for when I’m in the city/going out out
A leather jacket for spring/autumn
A denim jacket for summer
Two blazers for smarter summer
A down body warmer.
Oh and a fleece!

I do really feel the cold though and am often wearing more than one of these at once. The fleece and body warmer are layers rather than items I’d wear in their own right.

Also if it’s wet I can get through multiple in one day or need another the next day while the other dries.

My friend has only two coats but she doesn’t feel the cold at all and if it’s wet she’s not going out unless she can get from car to door without getting wet. We’ll be at a football match in -2 windy conditions and she’ll have a hoody and a scarf on, maybe a padded jacket for some of it while I’m in multiple layers of thermals plus a body warmer, fleece and full length coat!

I'm in the minority here, but I am not in favour of wholesale decluttering - at least, not to the extent where you get rid of things that you need or want.
Multi coats are also a feature of this household, ditto boots, hobbies paraphernalia, etc.

I have a lot of stuff, which I use from time to time, and I like it that way.
But I have also had fairly ruthless clear outs occasionally, and then I have concentrated on crowbarring in as much storage as possible, hidden cupboards above doors and in odd corners, walls of shelves, etc.

It helps that we live in a large house with sheds and utility spaces, and plan to stay, even though the DC have grown and gone.
So I ask, without being sarcastic, is it possible for you to move a larger place?
I think it must be very difficult if you want stuff but only have a small flat.
Small houses and terraced houses have the possibility of sheds and lofts, even if the living space is about the same.

@Sunshinenrain

yes, that’s exactly what we did!

Somehow it seemed much easier to be separated from the “stuff” and realising what we did and didn’t need… gradually we were able to sort stuff out, ask around if anyone wanted side tables, a tumble drier, mirror, pictures etc etc and I think we only had 2 ‘mad dashes’ to the storage unit for paperwork cos we had changed cars!
All the spare furniture found a new home which was great, and paperwork got sorted. Can really recommend this option, if affordable for you, OP

Do you own the flat or rent?

If you own it then modify it.

For winter coats you can put a few strong hooks along a wall.
Use those vacuum bags to store extra clothes and stuff. Get a bed with storage or space under it. Etc etc.
A series of large plastic tubs stacked on top of each other in a corner of the bedroom..needs must.
Does your partner help you with this issue because being alone feeling like this is part of it...

Another vote for a storage unit especially for your mum's stuff. It took me at least a year to be able to start being unemotional about my own mother's belongings and then it was sorting it in drips before I got overwhelmed.

For your own stuff think about what you really need. Store the rest and then come back to it when you need to. Sometimes out of sight, out of mind really works.

Sorry OP got derailed by coats.
So sorry for the loss of your mum. I understand that you’ll want to keep the things that she left to you and it would be really nice if they had enough space around them to be appreciated.

Is the stuff of yours you got from her house stuff you want or is it relics from when you were a teenager that got left behind and you don’t really care about?

With clothes you don’t always need to get rid of a lot to make a big difference in the drawers. I sorted out my pyjamas this week and only got rid of two holey vest tops, a charity tshirt and a pair of trousers I didn’t really like but it made a big difference to the space in the drawer. I use shoe boxes to help keep my drawers tidy and organised. Also hanging bulkier stuff (thick jumpers etc) can help.

I also got rid of any everyday clothes that needed ironing because the reality is that I never wore them because I couldn’t be bothered to iron them! Or I’d wear them once or twice a year at most.

My friend has those wire under shelf baskets everywhere she can in her house. She has four hanging under her dining table which I’d never have thought of but it works brilliantly and with a cloth on the table you don’t even know they’re there.

I’m really bad at getting rid of kitchen stuff because it’s useful but I saw something that said if you only use it occasionally is there something else you could use in its place instead. I had a huge casserole dish that was used maybe three times a year but took up a whole shelf in the cupboard. I realised that I could use two or three of the smaller dishes that get used a lot more frequently when I needed to cook a large casserole instead of keeping the big dish.

I recently bought some of those vacuum storage packs and can’t believe how great they are, how much you can get into them, only wished I’d bought them years ago. Obviously not a long term solution but could maybe help out with seasonal stuff that can be stored away for few months at a time.

@FukZake
This isn't really about the stuff, is it? I read your follow up posts. I'm sorry to hear about your mum and it sounds like you have a difficult relationship with her husband (not your dad?).

You've had loads of advice on how to declutter, which might come in useful in the future. But give yourself time to grieve as well.