I can't fucking make my flat look clean and tidy. What can I do?

[FukZake]

We live in a small flat, just over 500 square feet. My mum died and I had to collect a load more of my things from their house, plus some of her own precious things that she left to me.

I'm sitting here trying not to cry because we have so much STUFF for the size of our flat and it doesn't work. There's nowhere to store things, to tidy them away, so now there is dust as well.

We have one large built in wardrobe for 2 of us, and 2 chests of drawers and that's it - our clothes are piled up on top of the chests and then we try to put non seasonal things in plastic storage tubs up high on top of the wardrobe.

I can never find the right thing I want to wear and have nowhere to even try putting out my cosmetics etc. I'm so fucking sick of how tiny the flat is but apart from size it is really nice and perfect location.

I clean the bathroom and kitchen of course so it is always sanitary but I've just had another go as we have someone coming over tomorrow and the bathroom and kitchen just look like shit because again there's too much stuff everywhere.

Is it just pointless to try to have a really clean flat as long as we have too much stuff for the size of the place?

I fucking hate the dust it is disgusting, I just feel really upset by it all today.

IKEA grundtal extending towel shelf.
IKEA Zip-up under bed storage for extra bedding.
Major decluttering every season.

Have you gone from a house to a flat? How have you got so much stuff?

There are no miracle answers OP.

You already have too much stuff for the size of your apartment and are trying to bring in more stuff from your mother's place. It won't work unless you are ruthless in what you keep or don't.

I think also there’s often a mentality of keeping more incase it’s ever needed. Dh wanted to keep every old cable and lead for office incase. 95% went in the bin 5 years ago. And we have never needed any of them since.
If we do need one, that £15-20 will be a bargain for the a space

I hear you, I’m in exactly the same boat. Tiny one bed flat and even being ruthless we still have stuff everywhere! We’ve resorted to plastic tubs like you. I’ve come to realise the flat is simply too small and we need a bigger place so just have to try and enjoy it for now and dust more often. Sorry you’re feeling rubbish ❤️

Definitely reduce towels and bedding and guests should bring their own... Or maybe store towels and bedding flat under your mattress (it's how I store spare duvets). Maybe make a new bed frame using IKEA Kallax units (quick Google will show how) will give you lots of storage space. You can even make it a hugger bed if you want more storage although that might get annoying fast.

Have you seen Sort Your Life Out? It's on iPlayer and I LOVE it.

Clutter is the tip of the iceberg.

Underneath so often lies bereavement, grief, loss, trauma, mental illness, physical illness and disability, family dynamics, other people's behaviour and so much more.

Her husband is dealing with it by rejecting everything that reminds him of her. You're going the opposite direction.

Start with some grief counselling. Help yourself get into a stronger more positive mindset.

Read about Marie Mondo's Konmari decluttering method. It worked for me:

Step 1 - the vision. What do you want from your home? How do you want it to look and feel and smell?

Step 2 - discard. Do categories, not areas.

Getting everything out. Look at each in turn.

Ask 'does this spark joy?' It's a fundamental question. Ask 'is it useful? Do I use it? Is it beautiful? Do I love it?'

Go shopping in your stuff. Select and keep only those things that are all a yes.

Clean cupboards and drawers before they go in so everything smells nice.

Order:

Clothes
Books
Paperwork
Everything else - split into different categories
And finally the hardest category - sentimental. That's why it goes last as you've got used to the process.

It's hard, but doing it feels great ... and having done it feels amazing.

https://www.sloww.co/konmari-method/

I found Marie Kondo philosophy useful for things I was keeping for emotional attachment that I didn't actually love. Thanked them for their time but sent them on their way to someone who would love them (via fb marketplace or charity).

When we didn't have enough clothes storage the bedroom always looked messy. I did a big cull of clothes and were bought floor to ceiling ikea Pax, I had been reluctant as they don't match the period of house. But everything is behind the doors and it looks so much tidier. Also fitted in a little wall hung dressing table.

When I'm decluttering say shelves, I take everything off then put back things I need and make it just how I want it to look then what is left I make the difficult decisions, give it away or do I need / want it enough to fit on the shelf. I take before and after photos to spur me on. But I also don't try and do it all at once, I just focus on one area at a time and do it over time.

Also it will always look worse before it gets better.

Hmm. @FukZake
We have a lot of stuff, especially toys. But we do use them. I’m never going to have a house that you’d see in magazines, but I don’t really want to either? I’d rather have a bit of fun and mess than an aesthetically pleasing house. A tidy house with no clutter is for what? For who? People who come round? Photographs? My cluttered house if for the children to learn and so I have what I need, so we can go camping, go on adventures, do crafts without worrying about a pristine white sofa. So long as we are happy and healthy, and the house isn’t dirty or unhygienic - I don’t think clutter matters…

There are very few items I have a sentimental attachment to. They will take no more than 2 average boxes.

Everything else - furniture, clothes, shoes etc can be sent to charity or disposed off. My rule of thumb with clothing, shoes toiletries, bed linen etc is - if I haven't worn/used it in 2 years, get rid of it.

We live in a fairly large house and I spend my life trying to declutter! My DH is more of a hoarder than me, though I do tend to keep things 'just in case'. We had a breakthrough a few weeks ago when DH finally agreed to get rid of something that has taken up a lot of space and not been used in decades - it helped that it had actually begun to degrade.

You need to be ruthless. Despite my tendencies, I absolutely love having a good clearout though I have to recycle or sell anything decent so it takes a while.

You might wear all your coats, but do you really need them? Pass on your least favourite / useful ones. Do you actually wear all the shoes you have? I don't. I forget about some for years. I keep tatty ones just in case.

Try doing one part of the flat, one set of boxes at a time to make it less overwhelming. Get one room clutter free to relax in (for me it's living room).

@Alondra - oh yes, I think that’s key. You don’t have to get rid of everything. Everyone has key items they love and that’s why you want space to keep what you love, but ditching things like basic clothing or towels or extra furniture you might not be that attached to.

I really think the minimal stuff thing is key. When we moved house I was really brutal and even though there's still more to do life is so much simpler.

In fact we've just bought a new size bed and I purposefully only bought two sets of sheets and covers for it and (for now) one duvet.

I might buy a third just in case but previously I had about seven different sets for our double bed and it just took up space unnecessarily and allowed me to pile up unbearable amounts of washing rather than just getting on with a load a day (we have kids) to keep on top of it all.

I'm continuing my whittling and encouraging the children to gift and donate toys as we move through the ages/stages.

I totally agree with you BUT what is comfortable for you isn't for others. I really, really struggle with mess and clutter even though at the moment with kids and toys it's a bit inevitable. But what might feel loved and lived in to you actually makes me feel stressed and anxious because I can't chill when there's stuff everywhere (I'm no minimalist but I like things to be in a "place" where they belong)
I know this is because my mum was insanely house proud so I guess I was brought up with that's house a house should be... even though I'm a working mum so no chance!

We are like this, we don’t live in a flat but have just moved into a house and we have way too much stuff so things are just sitting in boxes with nowhere to go. I’ve binged watched the Stacey Solomon show and now understand what we need to do! We’ve started getting rid of collosal amounts of stuff - unplayed with toys, toiletries I’ve had as gifts but don’t use, old towels, clothes that don’t fit me, outgrown children’s clothes in case we have one more etc…

Some people get overwhelmed/can't get comfortable when there is stuff everywhere. One of the reasons I really struggle at Christmas and don't do month long decorations is because it's too much . Depending on the layout and the size of the home the stuff can be impractical as well (blocking access, not being able to get stuff when you need it etc) on top of the sensory/visual overload. Having to move/rearrange things/furniture because someone is staying over and you need more space, or to have a kids party, or to make room for a Christmas tree etc. it's just an added chore that nobody needs.

It's not about being magazine worthy(according to my mum I live in a tip,in more ways than none) , it is about being comfortable in your space and being able to enjoy it. Being reminded of the amount of crap you have, how small your home is , that you have to sort it out somehow, that it's just not working etc every day is not very enjoyable.

For daily tidying I find the organised mum Patreon so helpful. She also has de cluttering sessions on there. It really helps if I’m overwhelmed with stuff, I just put in my headphones and focus on what she says for half an hour. It’s about £3 per month I think I use it almost daily.

@WhalePolo - we have toys. But they all have a home. When Ds is playing the house can look like a toy bomb has gone off. But when he’s finished I do like that it’s away. His bedroom is tidy and uncluttered, but when I mean uncluttered it’s not that there’s nothing there’s. The book shelf for example is full of books, but they are not piled on shelves so he can’t find any or have to squeeze book back in.

I regularly donate say old puzzle, and swap for different one. But I rarely just buy new puzzles without taking the same number away. I don’t think many 3 year olds get sentimental about every puzzle being favourite, they just need a selection a new ones for interest.

Despite all the toys, Ds has spent most the weekend in the garden helping weed and rack leaves and paint the shed. So he probably still doesn’t need half what he has

This is amazing and looks so bright and cheerful - love the bear!

I hate clutter. It's so much easier to have a nice clean and organised house/apartment when stuff takes over living space/drawers/wardrobes etc.

My DH has more hoarder tendencies than me. He keeps jackets he's worn twice in the last 5 years, or pants 3 sizes smaller because "they are almost brand new". He'll keep a box of VHS tapes because "they have good family stuff" when we no longer have a VHS recorder. Madness. 😀

Fortunately for him, I put my foot down when it's time to do a cleanup. Otherwise, we'll have stuff everywhere, even if we lived in a palace with 18 bedrooms.

Her (the organised mum) de clutter session is only half an hour and she say to just concentrate on one small area. Eg a table, or small cupboard. Have an exit for the stuff you get rid of don’t let it pile up get rid straightaway.

I threw my cables after 8 years.
I fucking needed one old one 2 weeks later and had to buy one!

@FukZake

Firstly, I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and the difficulties you are having with her husband.

I’ve recently started doing organisation professionally and here’s what I think might work.

1. Using vacuum storage for clothes. But label the bags and keep a note of what is in each bag, so bag 1 might contain coats/jackets/blazers. Get rid of the ironing board and iron and get a garment steamer, because getting even a neatly folded garment out of a vacuum sealed bag, that garment will be creased and coats are hard to iron. The list of what is in each bag can be put into a clear plastic protector and either blutacked or washi taped to the wall inside the wardrobe.
2. If tumble drying clothes, make sure that you take them out of the dryer immediately and hang them up, to minimise creasing.
3. Utilise your wall space! Put shelves up at the height of a picture rail and use those shelves for books, ornaments etc.
4. Use the top of your kitchen cupboards. Place pots and pans on top of the cupboards and get a folding stool to help get them down.
5. Make sure you’re using the lost space under your bed. Measure the height of the bed and get the largest storage containers you can. Decide what you want to store in them, perhaps the things you collected from your mums house? If those things are things that you left at your mums house and haven’t seen/used/missed for the last e.g. 5 years, perhaps you could scan in pictures etc., and think about putting those items into deep storage?
6. Consider rolling clothes, such as nightshirts, pyjamas, etc. It saves so much space. Fold a T shirt shoulder to shoulder, fold the sleeves in and then roll the T shirt up. Alternatively, use the same fold as it will give you a rectangle shape and then fold the bottom section up to the middle, the top section to the middle and then the top and and bottom sections together and place in the drawer standing up.

Bedding, blankets, etc., can all be put into vacuum bags. If you decide to rent storage and live in a high cost area, consider renting storage in a different area, e.g. a 2 hour drive away, and put those things that you feel that you absolutely cannot bear to parted with into the storage unit. Use plastic boxes, not cardboard, as if these are things you won’t want to regularly use, you want to ensure that any packaging materials are rodent proof, just in case. As with the vacuum bags, number the boxes and make sure you detail what is in each box, so that if you realise you do need something, then you can easily just take a drive out to the storage unit and go straight to the box you need.

As well as storage units, perhaps you can consider renting a garage or asking a relative if you can rent their garden shed, or use the loft space.

If your current accommodation is one that is likely to be long term (the next 10 years or so), then you do need to consider whether you want to keep the things that you’ve had to bring from your late mother’s house and perhaps just keep the few precious items of hers that you have.

I live in a flat and actually one of the things I love about it is LESS cleaning!!

To save space in the wardrobe, i put my out-of-season clothing in vacuum bags and store under bed. Ditto with occasion wear I’ll dig out once in a blue moon (like Xmas party clothes, wedding guest outfits etc.) The only clothes hanging in the closet are things I wear very frequently in that particular season. Putting the stuff away in storage twice a year gives you time to go through and donate to charity often.

All our outdoor gear is in a suitcase in the cupboard (tents, wetsuit, hiking boots etc.)

We have one cupboard, which is choca but my OH keeps this very well organised in suitcases, tool bag, DIY stuff, personal items in totes. I have a Brompton folding bike that fits in there along with broom, hoover, mop, exercise bike etc. Thinking about it, it is a miracle everything fits!

We don’t keep duplicates, for example we only ever have one spare toothpaste, one spare shampoo, one spare bottle of olive oil etc. This means you need to go through the inventory of what’s missing carefully every week or so.

Likewise in the kitchen we don’t have many backups of tins, packets etc.

In the spare room we have an ikea Hermes day bed which has massive drawers underneath. We have spare bedding and towels in there. We have 2 sets of bedding for each bed. We wash one and use one. We have more than 2 towels each, although not a lot more! We maybe have 8 for 2 adults and a dog.

Our furniture is the correct size for the flat. There’s nothing worse than furniture that’s too big and bulky in a small space- makes the space feel so, so small.

Other than the one cupboard we have no other storage- no shed or garage or anything.

I love it personally! But then that’s a mindset thing perhaps. If you’re trying to cram stuff for a house into a flat you’re buggered.