I can't fucking make my flat look clean and tidy. What can I do?

[FukZake]

We live in a small flat, just over 500 square feet. My mum died and I had to collect a load more of my things from their house, plus some of her own precious things that she left to me.

I'm sitting here trying not to cry because we have so much STUFF for the size of our flat and it doesn't work. There's nowhere to store things, to tidy them away, so now there is dust as well.

We have one large built in wardrobe for 2 of us, and 2 chests of drawers and that's it - our clothes are piled up on top of the chests and then we try to put non seasonal things in plastic storage tubs up high on top of the wardrobe.

I can never find the right thing I want to wear and have nowhere to even try putting out my cosmetics etc. I'm so fucking sick of how tiny the flat is but apart from size it is really nice and perfect location.

I clean the bathroom and kitchen of course so it is always sanitary but I've just had another go as we have someone coming over tomorrow and the bathroom and kitchen just look like shit because again there's too much stuff everywhere.

Is it just pointless to try to have a really clean flat as long as we have too much stuff for the size of the place?

I fucking hate the dust it is disgusting, I just feel really upset by it all today.

I'm sorry today is tough.

The reality is whilst you're entitled to want lots of stuff, you don't have the space. So unless you can afford external storage, you're screwed or you need to reduce.

Any local waterproof garages for rent nearby?

Coats for example, you have lots for different seasons. But that's a luxury you're choosing. So you either get it vacuum packed and into storage until the next season, you reduce them so you have fewer and wear the same light jacket for cold dry days all year for example, or you keep living under piles of stuff.

How many of each type of clothing do you and DH have? How many towels, how many saucepans or plates? Of the nick nacks, how many genuinely bring you happiness when you lookat them.

Obv I don't expect an answer but you need to look at whether ultimately all that stuff brings you joy or stress

I'm going through similar this past year since I lost my parents and their house was cleared and sold. Just beginning to reclaim parts of our house from the boxes and stuff I brought back, I thought I'd been pretty strict too! Yes the car was full of mum and dads stuff as well and the shed garage and storage unit I was too embarrassed to have people round, it was as bad as anything they show on TV.
The only way to fix this is to go through your stuff and pare it down. We manage fine with 2 sets of towels each and a couple for the dogs.

I've bought some more furniture for storage purposes in the living area and aim to have my clothes all fit in the wardrobes/drawers and not be out by the end of October. It's taking a few goes at decluttering though to do it.

Too much STUFF leads to never being able to find things and feeling overwhelmed. It gets a lot calmer mentally when your possessions are proportionate to the space available for them.

I agree with Dana K White. You don't have to get rid of all your coats or towels! It's a myth that all these "organising experts" want you to be a minimalist - that works for some people but it's not everyone's thing. It's certainly not mine. There will be easy stuff to get rid of, which will instantly help. Her book Decluttering at the Speed of Life is really great or she has free podcasts. I wasn't as keen on her youtube channel. But her premise

As well as too much stuff, the other culprit of "can't keep everything clean!" is not keeping up with the "daily" tasks - like washing up, clothes washing, wiping things down, picking up things which have been used.

I struggle with both, but they can feed into each other - too much stuff makes it hard to see what needs doing and can make it feel pointless like it doesn't make a dent, which is demotivating. OTOH if you let things pile up before you wash them, you'll need 3x as many clothes, dishes etc as you'd need if you are washing them every day. Note that I DON'T think you have to subscribe to brutal, only have the minimum possible amount - but for example if you have 25 t-shirts, there are likely some in that collection which are not your favourites, they hang awkwardly, they don't fit quite right, whatever it is - so you could easily cut down to say 20. And if you do that for everything, then you've already reduced the burden quite significantly.

If you don't struggle with the daily stuff then you're already half there and you likely only need to reduce. So start with the easy stuff - look around and anything you've been "meaning to get around to selling" like outgrown kids' clothing for example - change your focus to getting it out of the house ASAP. Is there a charity shop for a cause you support, or a PTA jumble sale? Is there anything that is clearly rubbish e.g. broken toys, jigsaws with missing pieces, clothing which is torn/stained/etc?

Just start there. Obvious rubbish and things you've been meaning to get rid of. Focus on those today and see how much you can find - report back!

How many bedrooms?

What size is each room?

Is there a closet or airing cupboard?

Just thinking if we had each room etc maybe we could help?

I've managed to find storage solutions by having ottoman beds and kallax units as tv stands etc. it looks neat because the drawers are decorative despite being filled full of things like bags for life, stationary, paperwork etc!

I had a clear out of stuff in the bathroom - only keep what I actually use regularly. DCs visiting were always leaving shampoo, moisturiser etc.
I emptied the bottles and recycled them all.
Ditto kitchen. I have a few cleaning products I use - all the stuff that DH, who doesn't clean and Dcs had brought to the house were chucked out. Seems wastefull but they sit in the cupboards for years.

I feel you, I've started following homenipamdtuck on instagram and I feel much more in control of my life.
It's tough but you will get there step by step

If some of the stuff is sentimental because it came from your mum, could you have a little goodbye to it somehow?

I am sure she wouldn't want you drowning under it forever.

The only answer is to cut down. Living in a tiny house with 2 kids 1 dog and all the clutter, I know this to be true. If you can't rehome it,bin it.

I come from a family with more space than they knew what to do with and very frugal/eco conscious. I had a really negative reaction to throwing things away until I realised how much it improved my quality of life to just throw something in the bin.

You need to move OP! The flat might be a great location but it doesn’t work for you now.

Sorry, I did not finish one of my sentences (I'm terrible for doing this!)

Dana K White's premise is that she is a naturally messy person who has found a way through the thought patterns that she commonly has (as a messy person) to a place where her house is livable and her cleaning etc is manageable.

Whereas many organising experts seem to be people who just love organisation and minimalism and clean lines etc. And if that's not you - it certainly isn't me - then it's going to be hard to relate to their advice, you can end up feeling frustrated like "nothing works" and also be put off by some overly rigid rules which might not actually work for you - for example the one about turning clothes backwards in the wardrobe so you can see how often you wear them. I have clothes that I wear as soon as they're clean, and I have clothes that I wear approximately once every 3 years. It doesn't matter, I can keep both of them. The point of the exercise is supposed to be to identify all of those clothes which you think are in the "wear everyday" category, but in reality you avoid wearing them unless everything else is dirty. But I take it overly literally and think that under those rules I "can't" keep anything that hasn't been worn.

What’s the long term plan?

I live in a similarly sized place, ultimately I will move one day and have recently been promoted after working hard, so can afford other options.

if I couldn’t afford to move, I’d consider hiring a storage unit

if I couldn’t afford that, I’d try and downsize

Move?

I live in a smallish flat with my dog and DS when he’s back from Uni. The only way it works for all of us is having less stuff. But I’ve only just realised that after four years!

This summer has been spent having a huge clear out, many trips to the tip, the charity shop and lots of selling on Vinted and Gumtree.

The place still looks cosy but rather than ornaments which look cluttered I’ve got pictures on the walls and a few big plants. Clothes have been ruthlessly decluttered and now everything fits in a double wardrobe. Cosmetics and toiletries down to my few favourites. Two sets of bedding and towels for each of us. Minimum kitchen equipment etc.

It is so much easier to keep everywhere looking nice when I don’t have to tidy up piles of stuff before I can clean.

Stacey Solomon??

My late husband was a hoarder so I think I can probably give you useful advice. Firstly, yes , you do need to declutter/thin out stuff/ whatever word you want to use. Secondly,yes, it is emotionally draining, please believe me, I've been there , read the book,got the t-shirt etc. But, you can't carry on as you are because eventually you will start to feel anxious and depressed and then you will find this so much harder.
Start by doing whatever you find easiest, and don't stop until you have made one shelf, one cupboard ,one area tidy. Whatever works for you. Get yourself some of those storage bags where you vacuum all the air out and put items that you wear in one season in them and then store them. Put in bottom of wardrobe,cupboard,somewhere out of the way. Do this when you need your summer clothes again. I put some of my stuff in these and it does work. If you find it hard ask a friend/relative to help, you need to see past the sentiment and only keep stuff that you really like, get a special box for small items and keep those. Please understand that your loved ones wouldn't want you to be weighed down by their stuff.
It took me a whole year to clear DH's stuff after he died. I had to do it for lots of very good reasons, I still feel a pang, but I tell myself that it had to be done, otherwise I was living in a mausoleum not a home.

had to collect a load more of my things from their house, plus some of her own precious things that she left to me.

One of the saddest practical things about clearing my mothers home was to really understand how things that were precious to her were just ,well, not of any value to me.

I understand how hard it is, however your best solution now is the grasp the nettle and clear out the stuff. Find some way to make it meaningful, maybe take a picture or donate it to those less fortunate than yourselves, some pieces might even be sold. There are services which will be paid to take everything away for you. .

Decluttering you life will make it so much more worth living. If it helps, you could post your progress on here.

Whatever you do, don't just keep it all for your DC to deal with in their turn. Ever since we had to clear my mothers house, I have gone round my own house clearing things for charity or just disposal. It is the most freeing feeling. The place looks so much bigger.

If you are still hesitating, think about why you think those inanimate objects deserve to use the space that otherwise would give you space to enjoy your life. All the best.

You need tp get really smart about storage. Underbed storage, under ceiling storage, tv stand to be storage wigh drawers or cupboards, shelves all the way up to ceiling instead of just part way etc.
We have most things put away because any space like that is used. I also like my stuff so don't want to throw it away.

You need a serious declutter sessions. I do 2/3 a year, as we're in a one bedroom flat and we all have and irrational habit of clinging onto random stuff.

If you can afford it, invest in some good storage. Ottoman bed(s) so seasonal stuff can go under it. Over the door hangers for bags, coats, bathrobes etc. Our sofa is a sofa bed with storage underneath. That's where the bulky stuff like winter duvets go. Our table is quite small , but the chairs all have storage underneath. That's where most of DD's toys and board games are. Stacking boxes/shelves in other rooms so stuff can be tidy and out of the way.

Then every 4 months you go through it all again and see what needs throwing,donating, has been outgrown or replaced or you have too many of , or you haven't used in years and rinse and repeat.

This sounds a little like me, more stuff than I have space for but I'm not willing to get rid of most of it.
Storage unit was the answer for me. The smallest I could rent locally is 9ftsq for about £40 a month (do a few hrs each month overtime to pay for it). Worked out the size of plastic boxes that fitted best and now store seasonal clothes, sentimental items, guest bedding and xmas stuff.
It freed up my flat to only have in the the things I use on a regular basis which makes me happy not seeing cupboards and surfaces full of stuff.

Massive clear out. We share 1 wardrobe and 1 chest of drawers. It’s fine! If there’s stuff of your mums you aren’t sure about keeping, can you rent a small storage unit. Minimal living makes it so much easier to clean.

I am sorry about your mum.

I think you need to start with your cloths , one of the tricks with hanging cloths is to use all the same hangers, you get more in the wardrobe, that’s why shops use all the same hangers. When you have bought your hangers then take everything out of you wardrobe give it a good clean and hoover, and only but back what you really need. Then do you draws , try to fold you cloths like a filing cabinet.

We only have two towels and two bedspreads and sounds like we have more storage space. We do however have one bedspread and two sets of towels for guests. They live under the spare bed. I have one winter coat, one waterproof, one light jacket, one fancy coat for weddings and events. But, I’m pretty minimalist and my idea of enough clothes may not be everyone else’s idea of enough.

If you want suggestions I’d go for: Get some vacuum bags for seasonal clothes packing. You’ll get more in the boxes that way. Under bed storage, and if you have a divan it’s worth switching it for something you can store under. Get rid of ornamental bits that gather dust and make the place look busy. Be REALLY brutal about going through clothes and kitchen gadgets, if it hasn’t been used in 12 months get rid. Get organisers for kitchen cupboards that allow you to stack things or swivel things out to maximise storage.

I understand it’s very hard after bereavement and I’m very sorry for your loss. Perhaps when you feel ready, assess your things that were being sorted at your mums; if you hadn’t used them in ages, DP you really need them?

i would dedicate a whole weekend to just sorting out your cloths .

*Honestly, I can't imagine living this way. Do some people really only have 2 towels each? What do you do when you have guests?

Or need extra towels for going to the beach/ you want to sleep on one as your period is heavy/ the dishwasher has overflowed and you need to mop up a small pond in the kitchen? All of these things are part of my reality!*

But if you live in a tiny flat with no space how often do you have guests? Surely you don’t have the room?
You either need to accept where you live and reduce your belongings in order to enjoy your home more or accept the situation you are in if you aren’t going to do anything about it.

There’s no reason you need more than 2 sets of bedding, 5 full size towels max.
Start with your clothes. Then piling up everywhere if probably the biggest factor.
Get an ottoman bed and off season clothes go under there and above the wardrobe.
Get one of those narrow ikea shoe cabinets for the corridor.

I live in a flat with a similar level of storage and it’s fine. I have a lot of clothes and need to rotate them as we only have 1 proper wardrobe which we share.

I have a tiny 2 bed with myself and 3 DC.
There's no storage and no room to add any. I got one of those beds that lift up for me and the oldest DC. I got large vacuum pack bags and all the clothes I'm not using ( Summer/Winter ) go in those and under the beds. I also got one of those over bed type units that really helped space wise.