Weight loss surgery- not morbidly obese

[Desperateinseattle]

I have had a lifelong struggle with my weight.

I am on the lower end of obese (short) bmi.

at my highest I was a size 18-20 I have over the years at a time managed to get to a size 10 and have then struggled in between ever since.

I cannot get a handle on it. Every few years I find a diet that really suits, think I’ve finally found the answer and live a healthy lifestyle only to find another couple years down the line I’m back to binging and struggling.

im coming up to mid 30s with two children and I just cannot go on any longer. I put on weight rapidly and always wondered why I struggle so much.

I realised recently that I at the heart of it have a very very real issue with food intake. I spent a week with some work colleagues in a property and realised I am so different to average people in regards to food. I think about food from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed. It’s insane. I genuinely thought everyone was the same 😳

I’ve had enough. I am fundemtally broken and I am SICK of struggling with my weight.

im considering getting some kind of permanent weight loss surgery so that I just simply cannot take In that amount of food.
I don’t want to live like this anymore.

if I’m not on a diet I’m piling on lbs and feeling shite about myself- and still thinking endlessly about food. If I’m on a diet it’s a mental game and again, I’m endlessly thinking about food. It’s a constant struggle regardless.

I want to get on with my life and no longer have my weight affecting me and while I know I’ll STILL always be thinking of food as I’m sure the wl surgery will require it’s own mental workload, atleast I’ll be fucking slim for the rest of my life.

DH doesn’t support. Says if I died having surgery it’s a waste of my life and the impact on our family huge. He calls it vanity surgery.

Best friend says surgery is for morbidly obese, not for someone with 3/4st to lose.

Im miserable. I just want to be able to get on with my life.

Well I know most people will say yabu.

I had wls 12 years ago and it was great for me. I had a gastric band - don’t think they do it now?

anyway like you I had 2 small children and was about 4 stone overweight. Worked for me.

I know you’ll also get posts from people who know people who have done it…. But nobody knows about my surgery so I guess there are people like me that are successful but never talk about it.

In the gentlest way, from what you've described, the problem is not in your body but in your head. You said it- you think about food all the time.

I think therapy might help. Perhaps talk to your GP about what you've described. You need to change your mind, not your body. That will follow.

Thank you SO much for replying- please tell me more about what it was like and the impact on your life/ what does life look like for you now?

Im “successful” doting husband, lovely kids, wonderful life- I’ve not had it easy by any stretch, I’ve grafted HARD to get here, but I simply cannot continue living with this constant issue of my weight and food: I’m exhausted and fed up of my own shit!

yevea- I’m in therapy- have been for 6 years. I take my MH (traumatic childhood) very seriously.

I’ve had hypnotherapy, group weight loss therapy, one to one etc.

i 100% agree that it is also a mental manifestation, but I have come to accept this is also lifelong, I’ve had a few occasions where I’ve genuinely thought I’d finally cracked it! Felt liken a normal person. But I always find my way back to this bs.

id continue with therapy.

@Desperateinseattle I had the sleeve just over 12 months ago and I can't express enough how much it has changed my life.
I was at the low end of the permittable BMI and I was advised I would lose up to 75% of my excess body weight, but in fact I lost 102% and now am a healthy BMI.
I still think about food but not in the way I did before but more importantly I dont experience the crushing lows and self loathing when I fail another diet.
Seriously, do what is right for you xxx

Although I will say my Dh was totally behind me and you do need that support. He wasn't keen at first (same reasons as your DH) but seeing how down I was (I was seriously looking into it for 12 months) he understood my constant fight with myself and now he gets the me I've always wanted to be.
I wasn't scared prior, despite having 2 kids as I knew I was doing something for me which would enable me to be around longer for my kids.

Go on Facebook groups for people who have had a total gastrectomy, many of whom as a result of complications following WLS. At least be armed with the full picture if things do go wrong.

YANBU, I have not had any form of WLS. I am at the top end of overweight and would fall into obese soon if I'm not careful.

I honestly think that if you are considering a gastric bypass it may be worthwhile to investigate further.

Why wait until you have hip, knee and joint pain, why wait until you have diabetes?! Speak to some professionals and make an informed decision.

I was morbidly obese and have had weight loss surgery! It has physically transformed my life!

I would not have had the surgery though without the support of a counsellor, dietitian and psychologist because you need to begin to understand the many reasons as to why you are obese/ morbidly obese and start to unpick it. It is so much more than overeating and not moving enough!

you also have to be prepared mentally once you have had the surgery. There is no going back .

The cravings for junk food can still be there and mentally you have to be able to deal with that for the rest of your life- it isn't always easy. This is why you need support from the above professionals in my opinion.

For example, I cannot tolerate any drinks with bubbles /fizz including sparkling water.. I cannot eat a small bar of chocolate because if I do I will suffer from sugar dump! I can v occasionally have two squares of dark chocolate ! I have no refined sugar.

My portion sizes are child sized, which is fine for me now.

Also you need a good aftercare service. I am still seen once a year . Initially it was 2-3 times a year.

Good luck with your decision op, but make sure it is an informed one.

Have you thought about Wegovy? Plenty of threads on here - search for Ozempic as that was what people were using until Wegovy became available.

Until it becomes more widely available on the NHS you'll need to pay for it privately but it's a lot less drastic than surgery.

I accept I will still face the struggles I do now, but I feel that atleast I will be a healthy weight and not constantly battling myself to try and lose weight/keep it off.

I have a hobby I adore but cannot do over a certain weight and I am really so very resentful of how much I struggle to keep to it.

it’s so beyond willpower. I am strong woman, but food honestly has a chokehold on me.

I am fully aware it’s linked with my trauma. It is a trauma response but sadly whilst therapy is invaluable to me, I am accepting that this is not changeable in a way that isn’t utterly exhausting daily battle anyways.

Holliday happy- yes paid for saxsenda privately for a few weeks but began to get odd pain in my collarbone area which when I googled looked to be a known side effect of first signs of gall/kidney stones I think- sorry can’t recall now- anyways it freaked me right out so I stopped. Can’t afford to get Ill!

I wanted to link a thread I started at the time. Let's see if this works:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/weightlosss_chat/1191101-Ive-just-had-a-gastric-band-fitted?latest=0

I will come back tomorrow and answer more questions but luckily there are other posters with more recent experience

I would seriously do alot of research before you go ahead with having WLS.

I had a gastric sleeve last September and it is not plain sailing by any means. I don't think any talks about how tough the restriction is particularly in the first six months and how much it can affect you. It won't stop the cravings or how you feel mentally, it is the physical aspect of it that stops you consuming a large amount of food but it is really a mindf*ck. Also, yes you will lose you weight but you might be someone that doesn't lose as much as you may think. I am still in a WhatsApp group with 7 others that had surgery the same day as me. Weight loss has ranged from 2 stone overall to 7/8 stone for others. The lady that has only lost the two stone has still got probably the most severe restriction out of us all. Everyone reacts differently.

I have lost 4.5 stone so far however I fell pregnant 4 weeks after surgery (unplanned and not recommended!!). In terms of eating now I can eat anything but in smaller portions. Also with a gastric sleeve things like junk food crisps, biscuits etc are very easily digestible so if you have a bigger restriction and these foods are more 'comfortable' to eat then it's easy to put on weight even.

You can't eat and drink at the same time almost ever again. I can tolerate fizzy drinks but some can't. In the beginning months - half a bowl of soup or a baby sized plate of food is your limit of what you can consume. It can be very tough to live with.

This is life long.

I would say that if you only have 3/4 stone to lose it might be worth trying something else first particularly with the mental side of things to see if you can avoid the surgery.

I don't regret it per se, but I've sacrificed alot having had it done.

Also, re your gallstones post, alot of people experience gallbladder attacks post WLS. With alot of them having them removed after, I didn't experience this as had mine removed a couple of years ago with a seperate issue. But just thought I'd highlight that also! X

You need therapy from an eating disorders therapist.

There's two issues here.

1. An ethical surgeon will not do WLS on someone with an active eating disorder (never mind that you may not qualify by BMI).

2. if you do WLS with an ED, it will likely not be successful. You will either learn how to sabotage the surgery (VERY easy with a sleeve as all it does is reduce stomach size and you can stretch it back) or make yourself very, very sick (dumping syndrome from RNY).

I think you have unrealistic expectations of what WLS can do for you. Yes, the hormonal changes will affect your appetite, but if your issues are psychological, the surgery will not affect that. If you are bingeing, you have already learnt to ignore your body's satiety cues.

Have you considered the less drastic non surgical options? A gastric balloon for examples?

I feel your pain op. Mine is made harder by the fact that I know what works for me (keto) but struggle to stick to it. My food addiction sabotages me everytime. Just starting my next batch. I find by week 3-4 my interest in food goes completely.

i can lose the weight easily. I hate saying that- it’s not easy but it DOES come off- but it always, always goes back on. I cannot keep living like this. I am so so beyond exhausted with myself.

it seems so easy to say and do but I genuinely feel like the only way I can just get on with life is if I am simply no longer capable of doing it.

was clean Keto for two years. Never felt so well. Lost 5 st. Genuinely thought I’d cured myself.

and now I’m back to binging and weight is almost all back on again.

I could have written this 4 years ago, BUT I was 10 stone overweight. I had surgery. Changed my life. I lost a lot of weight, but more importantly my weight and what I have or haven't eaten doesn't take up any space in my head. Utterly freeing.

It isn't a surgery without a big lifestyle shift though, and a chance of serious issues. BUT I would have a chat with a surgeon and see what they say.

Don't go abroad. I don't think it's worth the risk for you.

Everyone you ask will say you are crazy, but it's your decision.

A lot of the private clinics offer to remove your gall bladder at the same time as you have the WLS.

Also, don't take advice from people who have no experience of being obese. Their understanding of diets and weight loss are entirely different.

My only recommendation is to do the mental work as well as the surgery.
I didn't do the mental work, and eat to the point I'm physically sick several times a week now. If food is a tool you use to get through hard feelings, you will feel really exposed and vulnerable.

That aside, best thing I have ever done.
I've conceived 2 babies since my Operation and gone from 23 stone 10, to around 16 stone....well I reached 13 8, but pregnancies and falling back into bad habits...

I love that I can wear "normal" clothes, I'm healthier, and it made my depression a lot easier to manage for the first year because I was seeing positive changes in my body.

Gastric bypass here - ‘only’ needed to lose 4 stone and have lost it all - best thing I’ve done and just wish I’d done it sooner.
if you are on Facebook join the friendliest gastric bypass/sleeve page - really balanced, all round helpful page x

I’ve had at at just around your weight
similar issues could never lose weight
was over 7 -8 years ago I had it done and I’m under 10 stone and have stayed stable
I went abroad to have it done
i have absolutely no regrets either