Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Weight loss surgery- not morbidly obese

77 replies

Desperateinseattle · 30/09/2023 20:21

I have had a lifelong struggle with my weight.

I am on the lower end of obese (short) bmi.

at my highest I was a size 18-20 I have over the years at a time managed to get to a size 10 and have then struggled in between ever since.

I cannot get a handle on it. Every few years I find a diet that really suits, think I’ve finally found the answer and live a healthy lifestyle only to find another couple years down the line I’m back to binging and struggling.

im coming up to mid 30s with two children and I just cannot go on any longer. I put on weight rapidly and always wondered why I struggle so much.

I realised recently that I at the heart of it have a very very real issue with food intake. I spent a week with some work colleagues in a property and realised I am so different to average people in regards to food. I think about food from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed. It’s insane. I genuinely thought everyone was the same 😳

I’ve had enough. I am fundemtally broken and I am SICK of struggling with my weight.

im considering getting some kind of permanent weight loss surgery so that I just simply cannot take In that amount of food.
I don’t want to live like this anymore.

if I’m not on a diet I’m piling on lbs and feeling shite about myself- and still thinking endlessly about food. If I’m on a diet it’s a mental game and again, I’m endlessly thinking about food. It’s a constant struggle regardless.

I want to get on with my life and no longer have my weight affecting me and while I know I’ll STILL always be thinking of food as I’m sure the wl surgery will require it’s own mental workload, atleast I’ll be fucking slim for the rest of my life.

DH doesn’t support. Says if I died having surgery it’s a waste of my life and the impact on our family huge. He calls it vanity surgery.

Best friend says surgery is for morbidly obese, not for someone with 3/4st to lose.

Im miserable. I just want to be able to get on with my life.

OP posts:
Nectarines · 01/10/2023 08:58

Gallstones are a side effect of wls.

medianewbie · 01/10/2023 09:04

@Lizzieregina - would you PM me which group you are talking about please? It might be really helpful for me (I'm 4 yrs post NHS R-en-Y, no counselling pre or post procedure. I lost 9st but have now gained 4.5 back)

ricecakesareshit · 01/10/2023 11:36

Nectarines · 01/10/2023 08:58

Gallstones are a side effect of wls.

I didn't know this (I had surgery). The 2 people I know who have had gallstones have been advised to lose weight. Nothing to do with WLS though.

Valerianandfoxglovesoup · 01/10/2023 12:05

Gallstones are not a side effect of weight loss surgery, they are an effect of being obsessed, eating crap or sudden weight loss in some cases. Mist people are obsese crap eaters rather than people who did something about it. Your post is misleading

Valerianandfoxglovesoup · 01/10/2023 12:07

Irmet in Turkey. My main source of support and info was a FB group called the friendliest weight loss surgery or some such. It was a massive support to me, even down to what to pack, mint tea bags and a hot water bottle!

bellac11 · 01/10/2023 12:23

OP, you will have a lot of people who really know nothing about obesity, weight loss or gain and surgery who will 'advise' you

What you need to do is look at all the options for getting to a healthy weight, many of which you may have done before, some worked Im sure, some didnt, some might have worked but were not sustainable for you

You will hear lots of people saying that over eating is psychological and I believed this applied to me for many years, I would cite that I was 'an emotional eater' and I really believed this. Unfortunately and rather embarrassingly this was not the case and I wish I had realised this decades ago, I am simply greedy with cravings connected to carbs. Once I had methods to shut down the food noise (as other posters have mentioned), I didn have cravings or any emotional need to overeat. Years ago lowered carb ways of eating managed this but I never kept it up. I achieved this last year initially with wegovy but didnt want to continually use that. I then ate a very low calorie diet, focusing on high protein and lowish carbs prior to having a sleeve. I researched every inch of what my options were and what I would need to do and fully prepared myself for what my life would need to entail. I believe that not everyone does this.

I personally went for a sleeve as apart from having a smaller stomach, you are virtually the same, whereas a bypass changes all your plumbing for life and I didnt want that or the restricted absorption of vitamins etc. I didnt want a band as that seemed a lot of faffing about, getting refills and defills etc etc, couldnt be doing with that. I didnt get a balloon as that is for people with less to lose than I needed. I had 10 stone to lose in total although just over 7 once I got round to the operation.

The op is nothing in comparison to life afterwards. You have to accept that you will probably be on supplements for life. You need to ensure your company has an aftercare package and will communicate with your GP and offer you bariatric support, nurses, nutritionist,, exercise advice etc etc

The weight wil not necessarily fall off either, you may have to accept slow weight loss, Im one of these! But my age means that its quite slow. You might get saggy or loose skin, you might not, it depends on your age, time you've been overweight, elasticity, ethnicity etc, its nothing to do with the speed it comes off and if you're going to get loose skin from weight loss you'll get it no matter what method you use

You might be at higher risk of gall stones, but most overweight women are at high risk of gall stones anyway, its another risk of obesity

You will risk some hair loss, starts around the 3 month period, worsened in my case by menopause, usually starts righting itself at the 6-12 month period, you have to expect this and not panic. Also big ops with general anaesthetic can also result in some hair loss afterwards but most people dont notice that because they arent losing weight at the same time

Ive had my 6 month bloods,, which came back perfect, apart from a bit too much absorption of iron, which surprised me. No deficiencies and thats because I am rigorous with my supplements. You will probably also need ant acids, surgeons differ about whether that is for life, ant acids over a long period of time come with a risk of bone density loss, something that can be mitigated by weight bearing exercise and ensuring your supplements are sufficient.

Ive now lost over 7 stone in total, very slow unfortunately, you'll see on various groups and communities it dropping off people but you mustnt compare if you are a slow loser, by the 2 year mark its virtually the same I believe.

I can sort of eat virtually normally now except its very very small portions, I dont respond well to carby foods, I hadnt eaten bread for many years due to joint issues and bloating, or bready products but away on holiday I do tend to eatsome and it makes me feel unwell so tomorrow back to my normal routine. I find that it really highlights just how crap food is available when you're eating out, or need to grab something on the road or for a snack, Im left with just a drink as an option or walking round supermarkets with huge sections that Im just not interested/applicable to me, shopping is now very cheap!

I had terrible problems really until last month (month 7) in eating and getting enough food down me, it would feel uncomfortable, that is getting much better now in the last month so my calories have naturally gone up which is a good thing, I was on less than 1k cals for months and months without the ability to eat more but that is improving. I should be on about 1200 now with 90g of protein (that is hard getting that amount in).

I track and log everything to ensure the right nutrition and protein plus my liquids as Ive never been a big drinker and struggle to get in the liquids, Im never thirsty, never have been so I have to force myself as you need to make sure you have the right level of fluids.

My blood pressure has plummeted, pulse slower,, cholesterol better, movement better, travel insurance is cheaper, skin is softer (not sure how that has happened), blood tests coming back perfect, hair coming back a bit thicker but that will take time.
My bike is more comfortable, getting in and out of the car more comfortable, less sweaty all the time! Balance is a bit better, apparently my teeth look bigger - not sure how that has happened either! Eyes look bigger too, probably less fat round them! Stopped snoring, honestly the list of improvements is too long.

Wish I had never got as fat as I did and that I did this sooner.

Hanlonsamazer · 01/10/2023 13:14

@bellac11 that's a great post. Would you share where you were treated?

bellac11 · 01/10/2023 17:20

Yes Healthier Weight, I used the Tunbridge Wells hospital, Mr Siddiqui. I think the company is a midlands based company, their phone number is Birmingham and on the support group a huge number of them use a surgeon based up there, Mr Singhal I think his name is, they all rave about him. Ive also seen reference to Simon Monkhouse, another poster mentioned him.

I found it overwhelming working out companies, hospitals and surgeons. Many surgeons work out of many hospitals and different companies.

I cant remember exactly the price I paid now, must have tried to wipe it from my mind! Probably about 11k or something like that, perhaps just under

Desperateinseattle · 02/10/2023 14:42

Thank you all. So much to think on.

to the pp going on about sustainable lifestyle change, you clearly do not have a clue what my reality is like.

OP posts:
AutumnAuntie · 02/10/2023 14:52

My friend had a gastric bypass, she lost eight stone, went all born again if she saw anyone eating an ice cream at the cinema. Four years later nearly seven stone has gone back on.

bellac11 · 02/10/2023 16:10

My friend used to go to slimming world, became all born again about bloody slimming world, every sentence had 'slimming world' in it over and over again

She lost 4 stone and became one of their leaders or whatever they're called

Years later she put the weight back on.

Not sure what relevance that has to anything. All weight loss methods have an element of trying to sustain it, whether that is a 'lifestyle change' a programme or surgery of some kind.

I find people have a certain glee about them when they recount that people who have had surgery have put some weight back on/all back on. They dont do it so much when talking about other weight loss methods.

I find people see being overweight or how you 'should' lose weight as somewhat of a moralistic issue. Its not, its a simple straightforward health issue.

Hanlonsamazer · 07/10/2023 14:07

@bellac11 sorry to resurrect this, could you tell me, what’s it like when you go out for dinner? Or on holiday? I think I’ve made a decision but would love to know what life is like. Also, can you drink alcohol?

bellac11 · 07/10/2023 15:25

I can only speak for myself, other people's experiences will vary and Im only at about 8 months so still very early in

The formal advice is not to drink alcohol because a) its empty calories and you havent got a lot of space for poor nutrition food/drink b) some people have an actual food addiction and there is a risk of transfer addictions after WLS and alcohol is an easy one, you have very little stomach lining left so the effect of how the alcohol is absorbed is enhanced, meaning you get drunk quicker.

I have had a few glasses of wine while on holiday, Im not a big drinker. Its a bit tricky to get down due to heart burn and Im not/wasnt food addicted so I'll carry on with the struggle! Cant drink red wine at all, one small sip nearly came straight back up so I wont chance that again!

I am a real foodie, restaurants was a massive part of our leisure time. Ive had to change what that looks like. Havent been to a wide range of places at all, I choose carefully places where we can share small starters like tapas or an actual tapas bar. Now I prefer somewhere with very small portions whereas before I would moan about poor value for money!
I eat incredibly slowly, you are advised to but I find it difficult to get food down me so Im slower than most, so I dont book places where there is a set time to leave the table, i find it stresses me out and makes me anxious and therefore makes me eat quicker than is comfortable and it all goes wrong and is not good for me. The best sort of places now are bars where you can order little nibbles and snacks. I would never be able to eat a 3 course meal again. I can eat half a starter at the moment. I have some foldable bowls to take leftovers with.

You cant/shouldnt eat and drink at the same time and this I really struggle with. It means when eating out I miss out on the liquids because I might take a few sips of drink/tea whatever, and then the food arrives and I cant get the liquid in. This is a worry for me because I struggle to get enough fluids in. Im never thirsty. We went out for breakfast this morning. I ordered cheese on toast, gave half to my partner (one slice), ate about two thirds of the rest and had a couple of forkfuls of his beans. We have to mix and match otherwise I will order too much and cant eat it and left over breakfast is no joy to anyone. When we did it recently I will order nothing and eat his egg, half a slice of toast and couple of spoons of beans, that is quite a big breakfast for me. I ask for a full english for him and a plate for me!

Today I was half way through the cup of tea and the breakfast turns up, no more tea for me. You're supposed to wait around 20 mins between eating and drinking too but you just cant realy do that in cafes/restaurants, I find that quite hard and stressful working it round my partner. He cant exactly sit there while I slowly drink a cup of tea, then wait 20 mins then we order food which takes me an age to eat so its not perfect at the moment.

I struggle with water and I really miss gulping down a big glass of cold icy water, cant have anything fizzy. I miss that as I used to have large glasses of tonic and water with ice and lemon. Its the only thing I miss!!!

I went for a long time post op where I could only drink water, then no water at all, then a bit of water, then no water at all, now I seem to be able to drink a bit of water but am still mainly existing on tea.

Holidays and weekends I find difficult. There is bugger all to eat unless you want carbs carbs carbs. And because most holidays and weekends you're running around doing this and that, going out for the day, driving for hours or something, sight seeing for hours, I find I dont drink enough, eat enough, get my nutrition or protein in and forget my supplements and meds. I need to work harder at this

So today, I have not drunk enough. Ive had that breakfast, not had lunch yet but Im still trying to finish off a cuppa, havent had my lunchtime supplements. We're probably out tonight so more disruption to my routine

Now some people really dont measure or log anything, surgeons vary about whether you should or shouldnt, but I know that if I didnt, I wouldnt get enough fluids in and my protein would be too low, I know this because unless I work really hard at it, my protein is just too low, I havent done all this to lose weight but in an unhealthy way so apparently (according to my partner) Ive turned into a health freak!! (aka, someone who cares about what they put in their body!)

However as I said, there are plenty of people who have had WLS who do not experience much restriction, no heartburn or indigestion, they go out and eat, they drink etc etc. It really does vary.

Hanlonsamazer · 07/10/2023 15:36

Amazing. Thank you so much for taking the time to write that.

Valerianandfoxglovesoup · 08/10/2023 11:17

Desperateinseattle · 02/10/2023 14:42

Thank you all. So much to think on.

to the pp going on about sustainable lifestyle change, you clearly do not have a clue what my reality is like.

I know. Only people who get it can get it. I didn't have any counselling stuff just went, got the surgery and read up on using it as a tool. I'm still a size 8 and haven't got fat again even through covid. And I still eat decent food and some crap but the crap isn't as exciting anymore. Between the surgery and quitting smoking, smoking was at least a million times harder! I think the NHS use delay tactics a bit because they are broke.

Hanlonsamazer · 08/10/2023 13:18

@Valerianandfoxglovesoup what size were you previously? How was your recovery? How long til you were back at work (or equivalent if not working!)?

I spoke to my husband about it and asked if he would help me, he said “what does that entail?” And I couldn’t really tell him! I’ve just found the VSG sub Reddit which is interesting but very American.

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 08/10/2023 13:30

Hello

I had gastric sleeve surgery about ten years ago. I was 27 stone then and lost ten stone very quickly. Since then I have kept putting on and losing the same half stone. My BMI never went below obese but I am alive and far more healthy than I was then even though I am getting older.

I carry protein bars wherever I go. I am bad about taking multivitamins but watch my vitamin d very closely. I also have my bloods done yearly to keep an eye on everything.

I can now drink fizzy drinks but very slowly so am stopping that. I do now take omeprazole as Covid has left me with acid reflux.

It is not easy but I feel far more in control now. Life is not perfect and the struggle is still there but I feel I can manage it better.

Valerianandfoxglovesoup · 08/10/2023 13:55

Hanlonsamazer · 08/10/2023 13:18

@Valerianandfoxglovesoup what size were you previously? How was your recovery? How long til you were back at work (or equivalent if not working!)?

I spoke to my husband about it and asked if he would help me, he said “what does that entail?” And I couldn’t really tell him! I’ve just found the VSG sub Reddit which is interesting but very American.

I was around 95 kg now 60ish
I flew on the Monday, had surgery the same day, flew home Thursday and went back to work on the Sunday and didn't have any issues. It just wasn't that much of a drama for me, apart from the pain from the gas after surgery. I was in a lovely Facebook group and saw many people take the journey to the same hospital before me and watched their recovery. That said, the girl in the room next to me in Turkey had fish and chips her first night home, I followed clear liquids for 2 weeks and then mashed food so I guess you can abuse it if you want. The only downside for me at all was I wanted to drink more alcohol than before and had to be really careful not to have it in the house all the time. Kind of in the same way since I quit smoking I crave sweeties. Oh I miss smoking so much, every day is so hard!

Valerianandfoxglovesoup · 08/10/2023 13:56

Yes it's worth remembering that being a size 8 doesn't make me happy but it does make life easier in the same way money doesn't make happiness but is one less thing to worry about.

Hanlonsamazer · 08/10/2023 19:18

@Valerianandfoxglovesoup thank you! Super useful reply. I’m very grateful.

I’ve booked an initial appointment with a counsellor for binge eating as whilst I’d love an op, I think I’ve got things to deal with first. Plus I have no money so will be saving for 18 months or so.

Thank you @Desperateinseattle For the thread.

forgivingfiggy · 12/10/2023 21:10

AutumnAuntie · 02/10/2023 14:52

My friend had a gastric bypass, she lost eight stone, went all born again if she saw anyone eating an ice cream at the cinema. Four years later nearly seven stone has gone back on.

Are you sure? It wasn't a gastric band? I'd be really surprised if someone yo-yoed like that wjth a bypass...

bellac11 · 13/10/2023 20:04

Apparently people can put on weight with a bypass. I find it difficult to understand because I thought part of the reason a bypass is so successful is that its difficult to even absorb the cals

My podiatrist said apparently his cousin had a bypass and put all the weight back on, but then he is a bit of a misery so I didnt know if it was just a 'your surgery is doomed to fail' type of comment

You find that quite a lot!

Shizzlestix · 13/10/2023 20:40

I was bypassed end of July this year and have dropped 4st7 (half of the expected 70% of excess weight) since starting the pre-op diet mid July. This is to shrink the liver which needs lifting out of the way.

The operation cost under £3K and was very local to me in the UK through Vitality insurance who paid 75% of the costs. From being obsessed with food, I’ve gone to forgetting to eat. My Dh has to remind me to eat. We no longer share meals, although we’re starting to realise that I can just eat a bit of his food.

I eat a large ramekin of food and it is not an easy process. You are likely to ‘dump’ whereby you shake, feel faint/sick, have to lie down. If you eat too quickly, you may vomit, especially in the early days. Your GP can refuse to see you post surgery if you go private/abroad so you might need to source private blood tests/B12 injections. Supplements are cheaper otc.

I haven’t touched alcohol since July (I used to drink wine most days) or chocolate/crisps etc. I had a slice of bread for the first time yesterday. It’s very weird to no longer want to look in the fridge and to be disinterested in food but is oddly freeing.

Happy to answer any questions.

toomanyleggings · 15/10/2023 20:17

You can gain weight with a bypass. A relative had one. She’s still in the obese category and has just put quite a bit back on. She’s also had a lot of very serious health issues from the sleeve and is sick a lot

HunkyRory · 15/10/2023 20:29

I can’t tell you what is right or wrong but I am not comfortable with having non essential (life threatening) surgery or anaesthesia and although I have a life long weight problem related to my own mental health I can’t justify the risk when I considered this myself. I have had surgery for other conditions when I have had no other physical options but to do it, however I was physically unwell and in significant pain and there was nothing I could do otherwise. Despite this I hated having surgery, hated anaesthetic, hated recovery and knew it was risky.

It doesn’t help that I know someone IRL who had a sleeve who packed all the weight back on by bypassing the restrictive eating slowly over many years by eating high calorie foods.

Having lost weight myself in the last year using ozempic I now have gall bladder problems. I’m BMI 30 now from a much higher and still need to lose 2 stone. I just don’t think WLS will change my mindset personally, I’m aware there are ways to ruin gastric sleeve surgery and also there are risks with malnutrition, perforations etc. I am too risk averse. It’s your life though, just don’t go abroad to do it, there is NO long term aftercare, and that’s what you will need

Swipe left for the next trending thread