To think that 'looks don't matter ' is a complete lie

[Petunia90]

It's just something people say, alongside 'money isn't everything '. However they absolutely do matter. They might not be #1 priority, but I'd be very surprised if anyone chose their partner without any consideration for how they looked. We're judged on looks all the time, rightly or wrongly, whether that be in relationships, job interviews and so on.

Of course looks matter. I have a nightmare on paper background. DH on paper has a lovely background. When he walked in to my office he remembers being struck by my looks immediately, a key moment. I had not even spoken to him but that was enough. He is a far better catch than me overall but society is shallow regarding looks especially women , it is a useable commodity. Awful way of putting it but it really is. People want to know me, perfect strangers will engage in conversation with me. If I join a hobby group I’m in the inner sanctum straight away, it can be overpowering and a bit much sometimes.

This is so refreshingly honest and awere post.

I’m kind, patient person, who really wants/wanted to get to know people. Always willing to listen and help others.
But no one is interested in being around me and het to know me* because I’m an ugly woman.
I’m always left outside.
People don’t care about personalities.
Or if they do, you have to be good looking (enough) FIRST, which makes it impossible to some people.

*= even just as friends

Course it's a lie. Sad but true. I've got two DD's. One is pretty. The other is stunning. The difference in how they are treated by bloody everyone, (including their own dad-but that's another thread) is staggering. Despite the stunning one behaving like an absolute knob half the time.

Nothing, who cares what some complete strangers do?

I'm in my 50s. As I've got older I've started to realise that good health matters much much more.

There clearly isn't "someone for everyone" for a start. I know a significant number of lovely people who are long term single.

Looks don't matter goes hand in hand with 'people can wear what they like'. If you claim the former is incorrect, then you must also disbelieve the latter.

Its not either/or though is it? Unfortunately as we get older we tend to be blessed with both or neither; as so much of what is considered attractive, body shape, posture, appearance of skin and hair, energy, vitality, are strongly influenced by the state of our health.

That's not what she said.
You can think
"Gosh Emma has stopped doing XYZ that she used to do when we were younger and it has made her look much older, she looked better when she used to bother about what clothes she's got on, I'm so proud she just won that Best In Industry Award, I can't believe she has time to foster hedgehogs AND llamas on her spare time, I'm so glad we're friends"
all in one go.

It doesn't have to be
"Gosh Emma has let herself go, one more pair of crocs and we're definitely over as friends. How did she even win that Industry Award when she looks so bad? She must scare those poor hedgehogs and llamas. She's lucky I'm her friend.

Yes and no, it's not that looks don't matter, but there more to people than looks. I'd rather a nice average looking partner or friend to a vain person any day! We are average and very happy

Well yes, being attractive helps just about everything. It's an ace card when you are looking for a partner, making friends, getting jobs - basically any situation in which you are benefitted by someone making value assumptions about you.

Even as you age, good looks and general symmetry that don't carry a sexual chemistry kick, still denote likeability, trust, fairness and other unearned qualities.

Looks definitely matter more than they avoid and more than people realise. Look at how many people think Lucy Letby is innocent because she’s a pretty white middle class woman.
If she was a black man no one would be forming a creepy little fan club of “free the innocent one”

Yes and no, it's not that looks don't matter, but there more to people than looks.

This and I think some people forget that how you see someone looks wise and how they see themselves can be massively different depending on their experiences and upbringing. You can see someone as gorgeous but it doesn’t mean that they see themselves that way.

@CakeInAJar
Congratulations! You have won today’s Golden Shoehorn Award!

😂😂

”I’d like to thank my mum for always teaching me how to shoehorn”

Seriously though it’s absolutely relevant because so much of the perception of that case is based on looks.

50 years of the “a woman can do anything a man can” brand of feminism has meant that people have forgotten that men and women are very different and has lead to transgenderism where we have the idea that we are neutral bodies with genitals stuck on that can be altered at will.

Men value youth and beauty and they are biologically wired to do so. Despite this, men are derided for things within their nature.

Women value status hence why Crouch will have had women throwing themselves at him. Women don’t value looks AS MUCH which is why old billionaires can pull models.

I think the saying is ‘looks aren’t everything’ not ‘looks don’t matter’? Which is true - looks are one of the many factors, like money, accent, ethnicity, sex, etc etc which lead to people being treated differently. I do also think it’s true though that for most people those things that contribute to a snap judgement become much less salient as soon as you actually know someone. If i think about friends, or even past romantic partners, I think of their character far more than how conventionally attractive they are. ‘Hot’ people may get more attention on apps or in a bar, but there are people with all types of physical appearance in loving relationships who are valued by their partners, often having been friends first and therefore not snap judged on symmetry or weight.

Hmmm I wonder how many beautiful twenty year olds would date crusty old rich men if they had the same opportunities and were treated with the same respect as men. And most people actually don’t marry hugely outside their own wealth/class or attractiveness ‘bracket’, billionaires and supermodels are not the norm, nor our evolutionary pinnacle.

How on earth did you manage to turn this into your trans agenda?

Yes, it's a high end shop selling nice women's clothes and accessories. She gets a few men in buying things for wives and girlfriends and they spend more when a pretty woman tells them something is a good buy.

I knew someone who knew her back when she first got together with Peter Couch. Apparently any footballer of that level would have done, and she was trying to raise her own profile in the modelling world. I don't know if that was true, but he's not conventionally attractive at all, odd in fact, and I doubt she'd have looked twice at him if he had been poor or in a standard job in an office, for example.

It is a complete lie. It's something people say to make others feel better. It shouldn't matter but it does.

So, by your lights, objectively ugly people would never find a partner and that is just not true. Some of the most interesting people I know are and always have been very far from beautiful looking and they have handsome and loving husbands

I disagree. More often people of similar attractiveness are together.

Yes appearances matter . A lot of people give the illusion of being attractive by the way they dress , make up and grooming in general . Most people are average looking .

This makes me curious. Do you reckon that the stunning one would behave like a knob if she wasn't stunning? Do you think that she might feel that she can get away with things that a plain-looking girl wouldn't? Not necessarily with you but with teachers and other figures of authority.