To think that 'looks don't matter ' is a complete lie

[Petunia90]

It's just something people say, alongside 'money isn't everything '. However they absolutely do matter. They might not be #1 priority, but I'd be very surprised if anyone chose their partner without any consideration for how they looked. We're judged on looks all the time, rightly or wrongly, whether that be in relationships, job interviews and so on.

Oh yes, of course they do. My mum has a shop and all of the staff are "good looking", a bit glamorous etc. They're not like supermodels, but they are all conventionally pretty with nice hair and clothes. It makes an enormous difference in what people buy, how much people spend, the people who come in.

I think you’re misrepresenting that thread a little OP.

Ita nothing to do with how Abby Clancey looks. The OP clearly is some sort of spin artist and is gushing about how they’re the perfect couple and all people have pointed out is that men in perfect couples don’t shag prostitutes behind their pregnant wives back. Yea it does mention she stayed for th
money - because, well, she did. She wouldn’t be with him if he worked in Asda. He wouldn’t be with her if she was unattractive

Looks can work in your favour or against you, so in that sense looks don't matter. If they are there, you have something else to use. I've been sexually harassed a lot so I've found aging beneficial. I'm left alone. There's now attempted derision but I'm confident enough that it doesn't bother me. It's nice to see really good looking young women doing well in serious professions, because back in the 80/ early 90's we would have been treated like a bit of fluff and been patronised. Internal misogyny wasn't recognised so other women would assume you got the position via your looks.

I am genuinely more attracted to people based on personality than looks. I never ever fancy someone based on looks alone. I can obviously realise that some people are conventionally attractive but I will only start to be drawn to someone when I start talking to them and get to know them.

Does she pay a lot more than other retailers? Are her t&C's a lot better? If not then to get a job in a shop, looks don't matter. If the top end of shop work is your aim, then they could do.

Re Abby Clancy the affair she had at the start was with an average looking man. Knowing a few footballers, I think that there's agreements put in place at the start. Some people are ok with open marriages and going with other people as long as other boxes are ticked.

Of course they matter. Good looks give you an immediate advantage in almost every area of life and where relationships are concerned greatly increase the size of the pool you can select from.
However, they're not enough on their own, as more is needed to sustain the advantage they give you in the longer term. Few people continue relationships with good looking people they are bored with, or who are unpleasant to them, and conversely good looks don't protect you from the wrong uns. Crouch and Clancy being a good example of this. He cheated because he is the sort of man who wants to sleep with teen prostitutes. Her looks are irrelevant to that perversion in him.
As for their relationship in general, her beauty and high status this gives her, is counter balanced by his wealth and success, so he felt not only confident to be with her, but at liberty to treat her badly. Had he worked at kwik fit her looks would have elevated her beyond his reach.

It is cheating on Abbey but he thought it was ok to buy a woman and just use her as an object. That gets lost a bit when revelations like this come out.

Of course looks matter. I have a nightmare on paper background. DH on paper has a lovely background. When he walked in to my office he remembers being struck by my looks immediately, a key moment. I had not even spoken to him but that was enough. He is a far better catch than me overall but society is shallow regarding looks especially women , it is a useable commodity. Awful way of putting it but it really is. People want to know me, perfect strangers will engage in conversation with me. If I join a hobby group I’m in the inner sanctum straight away, it can be overpowering and a bit much sometimes.

Even though I’m older people are still very complimentary about the way I look. My looks are fading for sure I’m in my late fifties but people are still drawn to me. My Mother was the same right until she died in her nineties.

Of course I have used it to my advantage, it’s because people are incredibly shallow, they don’t know me at all I could be an utterly awful human being. One thing about being attractive is you don’t have to be especially nice. My Mother wasn’t at all, I’m not like her thankfully.

I do see utter lies on here when people put photos of themselves asking how old they are. They actually want reassurance they are attractive. I do not comment as I live by if you don’t have something nice to say then don’t say it.

Looks matter in the sense that people obviously notice the way others appear, and we all make decisions about our own appearance that send certain signals about ourselves. The people who claim that they don’t think about anything as silly and shallow as their appearance, and that they just scrub their face with Swarfega every day and cut their own hair with kitchen scissors and dress solely in hiking trousers or something, are making just as much of a decision about their looks and are sending out just as much of a signal about themselves as someone who wears a full face or makeup and gets their nails done.

However, I don’t think people have to be conventionally good-looking to be attractive or successful and I think long-term sexual attraction and love are more about a connection and compatibility than good looks. I also think that ‘looks’ are much more than just the arrangement of someone’s features or body type. Some people who are not conventionally attractive are incredibly hot because they have a particular demeanour or charisma or way of being that just makes them sexy.

They don’t matter in the grand scheme of things as I firmly believe there’s someone for everyone out there and people do fancy different people. On a personal level though then sexual attraction in the initial stages of a relationship is very important. If you settle for someone who you didn’t even particularly fancy it’s got disaster written all over it. Obviously kindness and other good qualities sustain a relationship and in the end you need more than a pretty face, but it’s a damn good start.

There's a difference between. Pricing and judging though - I notice too, but I don't think anything negative about any particular body types in swimsuits.

Looks after but also beauty is very subjective. Also there’s a spectrum from beautiful to very unconventional looking.
I definitely think weight matters- I have experienced this myself

Most people are average in the looks department. So they rely on props such as make up, clothing and jewellery to look good . Good posture and a smiley face helps too . A lot of it is smoke and mirrors. I remember catching my neighbour putting something in her bin one morning and being shocked at how she looked with her hair flat and no make up . She looked a totally different person . Almost unrecognisable.

Not sure why my phone decided to change noticing to pricing in that and I'm on the app so no edit function. Sorry all.

Yes . If a woman is young, slim with long hair she has the potential to be attractive. It's good grooming and posture that takes someone from average to good looking. Very few people are beautiful and very few people are truly ugly . Most people are better looking than they think they are .

It’s very sad how much some people spend on trying to keep their looks.
The rest of us try to make the most of ourselves without breaking the bank.

But yes, unconscious bias is definitely a thing.

And middle aged women definitely become invisible.

Can I just check you notice that they’ve let themselves go, and you think less of them for it? And that takes precedence over things related to their character?

I think PC was good looking and I don't like Ronaldo's head and face shape

@whereaw

''Looks have a lot of meaning, it's hard wired into us. Darwin always said that it was sexual selection much more than the whole 'survival of the fittest' that was the real driver of evolution. You choose your mate based on who looks the fittest, strongest, most attractive, hence why often the male in a species is more colourful or ornamented.''

This is a bit simplistic....

What is considered ''attractive'' has been different throughout history and in countries. A lot of it is based on arbitrary decisions made by societies. For example:

• People used to be praised for pale skin (because the rich did not work outside...), now people are praised for being tanned (which in itself if natural is not a sign of health at all, just damaged skin...)

• Bigger women were/are praised in some cultures because again it was a sign that they could afford to eat well. The current fad for dieting and striving to be really skinny is certainly not making women any fitter...

• You also forget that intelligence, invention, being clever and resilient is what driving the species to evolve and survive, looking good in a bikini is fairly irrelevant if you are a daft individual...

Which is why Stephen Hawking made a better and more important contribution to humanity and its progress that Abbey Clancy ever will...

It is and it isn’t. It’s a lie that people don’t notice what others look like. Of course this is a lie. Looks are 90% of a first impression.

But looks alone only get you so far. They make it easier to get a “foot in the door” in many areas of life but they aren’t a done deal deal.

So if you are conventionally attractive you are going to get asked on more dates, have more job interviews and be invited to participate in more stuff but they only work so long if what’s underneath isn’t up to it.

If a man goes out with a stunningly beautiful but controlling and neurotic woman the fact she has a lovely figure and beautiful hair will come to be an irrelevance. Similarly if you scrub up really well at interview but sound stupid as soon as you open your mouth people will lose faith.

Good looks are a bit like nepotism; they open tons of doors but you have to live up to it and that’s when what’s inside matters.

https://www.thelawproject.com.au/insights/attractiveness-bias-in-the-legal-system

Me too

I never hear anyone saying looks don't matter. They do. I never hear anyone saying money doesn't matter. It does. What's your point OP?

When I used to date I'd avoid conventionally attractive men as i'd automatically assume they were an asshole 😄 Think I must have the opposite way of thinking to most people.

Looks matter more than should.

they should only matter in romantic relationships were attraction is a key component.

but they matter in every aspect of life. People use looks as a way to insult and humiliate, comment on the weight an attractiveness of strangers, colleagues and family. Attractive people do better in all walks of life - people are kinder and more generous.