DH and I can’t agree on whether we should move house

[sunlightinthetrees]

We live in a nice house in a nice village. Objectively it’s a good place to live.

However, both our DC go to primary school in the nearby town 10-15 mins away. All of their friends live near the school and most of their activities are in the town too.

I’m SO fed up of driving to and from the town. On a “normal” day it’s twice but some days it can be three or even four return journeys.

Generally the traffic is ok but every now and again it’s not, yesterday there was a bad accident and I ended up being really really late for an important meeting at the school and it was really embarrassing and frustrating. I’ve been saying for ages that I’d prefer to live in the town but this was the last straw for me.

I’ve said I want to move house but DH doesn’t get it. He just doesn’t think it’s enough of an inconvenience to warrant the hassle and cost of moving. I think it is. We would only be able to afford a smaller house in the other town (but still big enough for our needs), again I think it’s worth it and he doesn’t.

It may be relevant that he grew up in a rural location and is used to being driven everywhere but I did not. It’s starting to become an issue and I don’t know how we resolve it.

AIBU to want to move closer or is he right that it’s not worth the hassle?

5 and 7 so a while until they are old enough for the bus!

I do work three days a week, two in the office and on those days the drive is less of a problem as I just go straight on to work.

Would he be willing or able to do some of these journeys?

Does your dh do half of the ferrying around ? He may have all the benefits and none of the downsides to deal with

Obvious thing is for him to be doing more of the lifts and running around so he's forced to "get" it.

Could he do the next 6 months and see if he still thinks it's worth the inconvenience?

No, a terrible bus service unfortunately! A few times a day but quite unreliable.

You say he's "used to being driven everywhere" - does that mean he doesn't drive and you're running him around as well?!

Why are you doing all the return trips? He wants the rural location he can do them!

Ok one key point which I should stress here - DH does do his fair share of lifts! It varies depending on work commitments, at the moment I’m doing slightly more but in the past he’s actually done more than half of them.

We just seem to have totally different views on it, for example if the traffic is bad or parking is a hassle it really gets me down and in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Whereas he just sees it as a really minor inconvenience.

It’s not that he is just a more laid back personality, there are other areas where he gets really stressed out and I don’t! We just seem to have completely different views on this.

For this reason alone I would be moving.

It's not like in a few years time they can start making their own way to places so you're likely to end up doing even more journeys to the town.

Honestly life is too short to spend so much of your life sitting in a car when you have a perfectly good alternative of moving house.

Tell him either you move, or he has to rearrange his life so that he does all the driving and ferrying around. You aren’t doing it any more.

Haha yes this! I meant when he was growing up it was normal for his parents to drive him to school/activities and he doesn’t get why I don’t like it.

Yes a state school and schools in our area are undersubscribed (unusual I know!) so quite easy to get in from further away.

Children in the roads around us all seem to go to different schools but I don’t know anyone at the same school as us.

His work is mostly from home - v occasionally in the office but maybe only 2-3 times per month.

If he doesnt mind can he do more?

Can you drop some clubs? Or swap to weekends so he can do them?

Can you work in the office 5 days a week?

None of these are perfect but it will cost thousands to move and to live in a smaller place. I think you ought to explore all other options first so at least you can come to the conversation that you've done every conceivable option and know it doesnt help. See what works for kids as teens and what you can afford.