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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and I can’t agree on whether we should move house

87 replies

sunlightinthetrees · 29/09/2023 15:48

We live in a nice house in a nice village. Objectively it’s a good place to live.

However, both our DC go to primary school in the nearby town 10-15 mins away. All of their friends live near the school and most of their activities are in the town too.

I’m SO fed up of driving to and from the town. On a “normal” day it’s twice but some days it can be three or even four return journeys.

Generally the traffic is ok but every now and again it’s not, yesterday there was a bad accident and I ended up being really really late for an important meeting at the school and it was really embarrassing and frustrating. I’ve been saying for ages that I’d prefer to live in the town but this was the last straw for me.

I’ve said I want to move house but DH doesn’t get it. He just doesn’t think it’s enough of an inconvenience to warrant the hassle and cost of moving. I think it is. We would only be able to afford a smaller house in the other town (but still big enough for our needs), again I think it’s worth it and he doesn’t.

It may be relevant that he grew up in a rural location and is used to being driven everywhere but I did not. It’s starting to become an issue and I don’t know how we resolve it.

AIBU to want to move closer or is he right that it’s not worth the hassle?

OP posts:
Original poster
sunlightinthetrees · 01/10/2023 19:49

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/09/2023 23:45

Go and look at houses in other town and see what you think

If secondary school is also a car journey away the you will be doing the drive for years

School runs if bus is late

Driving them miles for friends /meet ups

Yes location is important

But so is socialising and travelling

What size house are you in now

And what will you get for same money

We’re in a five bed detached right now and we’d get a large four bed semi or smaller four bed detached/large three bed detached for the same money.

I do realise I really shouldn’t be complaining and this is very much a first world problem!

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 01/10/2023 19:51

Still a good size house

Driving every day for years isn't fun and very time consuming o

ahtred · 01/10/2023 19:55

We moved from a lovely village with the primary school to a town in preparation for the teenage years, and to have more available to us on our doorstep so to speak. No regrets, we found a lovely area of a town that has almost a village feel but with the town within walking distance, if you're finding it annoying now it'll only get worse as they get older.

ahtred · 01/10/2023 19:56

(It was an upsize too though- we wanted the kids to have more space)

Original poster
sunlightinthetrees · 01/10/2023 21:11

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/10/2023 19:51

Still a good size house

Driving every day for years isn't fun and very time consuming o

I agree! And I personally think that the inconvenience of driving isn’t outweighed by the house (which in all honesty is bigger than we need for four people, although it is lovely).

OP posts:
OliveWah · 01/10/2023 21:17

We moved from a very rural (7 minute drive to nearest tiny village shop) 3 bed semi with a huge garden on the coast to a 3 bed flat 10 mins walk from the city centre. Our DC were late primary age and school run was 25 min drive each way before we moved, and a 20 minute walk after. We are so glad we moved when we did, they are now teens and have busy social lives, which I don't have to micromanage by ensuring lifts are on hand at all hours. There is so much for them to do in our smallish city, compared to our previously rural not-even-a-hamlet, and DH and I are happy to compromise on the peace and quiet of the countryside for teens who aren't complaining they're bored constantly!

It is really tricky if you and DH aren't on the same page though, but perhaps he'll start to come around to the idea as your DC get older and he sees how much they will rely on the 2 of you for lifts to enable their social lives.

43ontherocksporfavor · 01/10/2023 21:30

That was a brave move @OliveWah . We live in suburban area of large town and lust after village life but I know I’d go mad if I had to get in a car to get basic things.

OliveWah · 01/10/2023 21:38

@43ontherocksporfavor DH and I both grew up in cities, and had only moved to the coast when we had DC, so it wasn't too much of a shock for us!

43ontherocksporfavor · 01/10/2023 21:43

It’s our dream to live by the coast, do you think you’d go back? Which coast ?

Pacificisolated · 01/10/2023 22:08

It’s not just about what you and your DH want. It’s so much nicer for teens to be able to independently get themselves around to socialise, work part time etc. It feels particularly crap when your friends all live in a different area to you and you’re always the one who needs extra notice to meet up so you can arrange a lift. You miss out on a lot.

PinkRoses1245 · 01/10/2023 22:11

I am totally with you. I cannot think of anything worse than having to drive every day. We have chosen a smaller house to be in the centre of a good size town, and rarely drive. Worth it so much. It will be so much better for your children to have more independence as they grow up, and they’ll get this living in a town.

Original poster
sunlightinthetrees · 02/10/2023 08:18

OliveWah · 01/10/2023 21:17

We moved from a very rural (7 minute drive to nearest tiny village shop) 3 bed semi with a huge garden on the coast to a 3 bed flat 10 mins walk from the city centre. Our DC were late primary age and school run was 25 min drive each way before we moved, and a 20 minute walk after. We are so glad we moved when we did, they are now teens and have busy social lives, which I don't have to micromanage by ensuring lifts are on hand at all hours. There is so much for them to do in our smallish city, compared to our previously rural not-even-a-hamlet, and DH and I are happy to compromise on the peace and quiet of the countryside for teens who aren't complaining they're bored constantly!

It is really tricky if you and DH aren't on the same page though, but perhaps he'll start to come around to the idea as your DC get older and he sees how much they will rely on the 2 of you for lifts to enable their social lives.

Glad the move worked out so well for you, I would definitely have wanted to move as well in your situation. Good point about teenagers as well.

I think in a way it would help my case if we had to drive to a shop, so it’s actually a shame we aren’t more isolated 😂

We do have a shop, library and post office all within walking distance, if we were older and didn’t have kids it would be perfect to be honest but it feels like the wrong place to be living with young kids.

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