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Original poster

Why do we love our children so much

124 replies

Sonetimeswishiwasadog · 29/09/2023 14:45

Sounds stupid, but not trying to be.

I adore my parents obviously and love my Dh and friends, but the child love is just so strong and intense. Is it because we carried them/they’re our dna? This doesn’t explain parents with adopted children and obviously the same love they have for them. Is it because we nurtured them, they were small and helpless?
I honestly think I could forgive my Dd anything and wouldn’t say that for anyone else, not even my parents

OP posts:
AlexaCanYouHearMe · 30/09/2023 21:12

@Sonetimeswishiwasadog ignore the angry post from that poster. I get you totally. The love I feel for my 2 children knows no bounds. I would die for them, and even thinking about them makes me warm and fuzzy inside. IDGAF what anyone thinks of me saying that. 🖕I think I could feel the same for an adopted child too.

My children bring me so much love and joy and hope for the future. I adore my niece and nephew too. And I love my cat to bits! Blush (My third child.)

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 30/09/2023 21:13

Isitxxxxxx · 30/09/2023 19:07

I love my daughter more than I've ever loved any parent, friends, pets etc. I love her so much it hurts.

My mother treated me awful before she died, I wouldn't dream of treating my daughter how my mother treated me. I don't understand how she was able to treat me so awful but love my sister so dearly. I will never understand it. I felt so unloved and my mother never told me she loved me randomly.

My daughter we tell each other lots of times a day we love each other. I trust my daughter more than I trust any other human. And she's 10 years old. She's saved me. And it's why I love her so much too.

😍

Original poster
Sonetimeswishiwasadog · 30/09/2023 21:14

@Isitxxxxxx I understand, this is so special 💜

OP posts:
fuckssaaaaake · 30/09/2023 21:14

Sonetimeswishiwasadog · 29/09/2023 14:53

@Rainallnight See, this is what fascinates me too, so it can’t be purely biological.

I'm adopted and I don't think my birth mother loves me at all which shows that too

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 30/09/2023 21:17

@Jeffreybubblesbombom @jackieHP @Mumsgirls @WingingItSince1973 Such lovely posts about grandchildren. Can't wait to have them myself ... 😄

Fiddlerdragon · 30/09/2023 21:18

5128gap · 29/09/2023 15:06

When they're little they're designed by nature to be physically appealing, cute smiles, big eyes, which helps. We have lots of physical contact with them which produces feelings of wellbeing.
They're also innocent so even when they do things that would hurt or annoy us, we can excuse them. They're dependent, and there's a huge cross over between being needed and feeling love. We're biologically programmed and socially conditioned as adults to care for the young and we often call this urge love. And the day to day proximity of having them in our lives creates a strong bonds of familiarity.
Loads of reasons!

I read an article a few years back about a study that said that human adults will generally rescue a baby animal that’s in danger, over another adult human. We’ll try to save the baby first even if it’s from a different species

StaunchMomma · 30/09/2023 21:21

Because we have evolved to.

Human children are long in the womb, utterly defenceless for a good decade or more, cannot provide for themselves etc - if we didn't feel that love, we'd feck off down the pub.

We may like to think of ourselves as 'better than animals' but there's nothing like pregnancy/motherhood to remind us that we are absolutely one and the same - we just have a big enough cranial capacity for inventing, writing bad poetry and contemplating the meaning of life even though we already know it's 42.

letloz · 30/09/2023 21:23

Let's face it, kids (especially babies) are haaaard work. So what stopped cavepeople abandoning their babies in a cave when they were screaming non stop and not getting any sleep? This overwhelming feeling of love, which then became part of natural selection (I've read basically this somewhere before too by someone who phrased it better than me). We are hardwired to love our kids even when it's making our lives harder (and maybe this urge kicks in for non biological kids too).

Loveatortie · 30/09/2023 21:24

Fucksaaake, i bet your your birth mother thinks about you every day.

Starlightstarbright2 · 30/09/2023 21:26

I think it is to get us through the teenage years .. abut tongue in cheek but genuinely cannot think of any other situation - I would deal with so much with the attitude and still love them

mollyfolk · 30/09/2023 21:27

I think it’s because they need you so much. Like nobody could look after my kids better than me / not because I’m a great parent but because I am so bonded with them, I am their home really so I have become irreplaceable. Because if that I feel like my life has greater meaning now. Even though I felt perfectly content before them.

I also love all children more, they are innocent and they are the future. I can hardly bare to read stories in the news of abused children now - obviously I always thought it was terrible but now I just find in heartbreaking that some kids aren’t getting the love and care they need.

Hittapotamus · 30/09/2023 21:29

I read a newspaper article recently about mothers who regret motherhood. One mum said she loved her husband more than her/their kids. It was all about how it's taboo to say so but parenthood isn't for everyone.

When my 2 were very small I did wonder what the hell I'd done. But I would absolutely have taken a bullet for them even at that stage.

I've never read Sophie's Choice but I've got the gist of it and so could never read it. I was thinking about my 2 and my conclusion was they are better people for having the other sibling in their life. There absolutely couldn't be a choice between them. If someone is extraneous that person would be me.

And though I love my DH yes I would definitely put my children first before him.

I can't explain it but they are wonderful people who make my life so much better for having them in my life. They are irreplaceable and my heart goes out to all parents who have lost a child.

I love them so very very much and I tell them every day. I want them to feel loved and safe with me.

Oiyouoverthere · 30/09/2023 21:29

I don't remember where I heard it, but it's a film or book but it said something along the lines of "the love we have for our children is unique, and is a love that only ever moves forward". I think that's so true, we love our children in a way they can only really know if they have their own.

elm26 · 30/09/2023 21:31

I feel like this about 4 month old DD.

It's an overwhelming, whole, warm and fuzzy love. It didn't hit me properly until she was about 3 weeks old and I swear I couldn't love her any more than I do, then the next day she does something new (recently it's been giggling) and I love her so much more than I did the day before.

My Mum was an addict and I was raised by my lovely Grandparents who showed me what love and affection really meant.

I hope my Daughter feels about me the way I do my wonderful Nan (and Grandad, both have passed now) but a motherly love is just so special to feel and to give.

Chickenwing2 · 30/09/2023 21:31

Feel this way about my dog.

Lambruschinetto · 30/09/2023 21:32

As a childfree person threads like this make me even more glad I never had them. Thank God I never had to live up to your impossibly high, self-erasing, guilt-inducing smug standards.

See what I mean about the switch, and not being able to explain this to childless (out of choice)? Honestly it's not high standards or anything, I'm not being holier than thou, I just feel lots of love and feels like it's extremely natural.

ThatsLifeIGuess · 30/09/2023 21:33

This thread made me think of the tragic highschool shooting last year at Robb Elementary in Uvalde, Texas. Officers waited over an hour before storming the classroom where the shooter was... I couldn't comprehend their total inaction and still cannot. We are programmed to protect children. May their souls RIP.

RaisedByHedgehogs · 30/09/2023 21:35

For me, it’s because I realise how pure children are. And I understand that society and the world puts rubbish on them. If they could just BE. But they can’t. They have to fit in and join the education system and then work. I wish I could wrap up my kids and protect them from the world.

PurpleStar22 · 30/09/2023 21:45

I have DSD who is 15 and DS who is 11. I do not love DSD like I love my son, because she has her own mum who loves her and looks after her. If she lived with us and she had no other parent, she would be mine and I would love her like she was mine.

I know that probably sounds stupid, but it’s the way I’ve always felt. I love her, and I will always protect her and advocate for her when she’s in my care, but I am not her mum so we don’t have that special bond

mollyfolk · 30/09/2023 21:55

As a childfree person threads like this make me even more glad I never had them. Thank God I never had to live up to your impossibly high, self-erasing, guilt-inducing smug standards.

It’s not smug and definitely not self erasing. Quite the opposite. I’m part of something bigger now. To my children I am the world. Right now of course. Over time I’ll let them go. And they won’t understand my love until they have their own. Will they hopefully will because being a grandparent will also be wonderful.

Sunshinenrain · 30/09/2023 21:56

I love my DD so much that it hurts and nothing will ever compare.

But I also love my nieces and nephews and my pets in a similar (not as much) way.

It seems to be the ones you take care of that you have the strongest love for.

I don’t think it is purely just biology.
I instantly felt connected/protective over my DD, whereas her dad couldn’t give 2 shits.

obje · 30/09/2023 21:57

Highlyflavouredgravy · 29/09/2023 17:00

I wonder if there is a difference as well when the parents love each other and are bonded?
My children are a mixture of me and the love of my life. They look like my family and the man I love , which makes me love them more i think and the fact that my husband looks like my children makes me love him more in a bonkers way!

I can't stand my Dds dad (my now exH) and it doesn't impact my overwhelming love for her in the slightest.

In fact in some ways I think our bond is even stronger as we've been a wee team of 2 for most of her life. She literally is my everything. It's quite an intense bond as it's so full on 24/7 and as hard as it is I wouldn't change a thing (although perhaps would for my Dds sake). It's like the 2 of us against the world

Hellusional · 30/09/2023 22:19

Have just dropped my youngest at university. I feel proud of them but also today such sadness. I am questioning why we have children when at times it can be just so so painful.

obje · 30/09/2023 22:37

Goodornot · 29/09/2023 16:57

I don't get it. If I had a child like my sister I'd struggle to love her. She is so dreadful

But does your mum love her? Bet she does

Southoftheriver32 · 30/09/2023 22:42

I don’t know the answer as to why but I totally agree with you. My children are the only ones I have unconditional love for, I love my husband but not unconditionally, I would die for my children.