To secretly take the medication

[FiveStarHedgehog]

TW - depression/PND

I have struggled with anxiety and depression since my teenage years. This got much worse after multiple miscarriages/stressful TTC and peaked after the birth of our second child where I had such bad PND/postnatal OCD that I wouldn’t leave the house. I am now 32.

I have always managed with CBT/counselling/lifestyle and kept my head above water.

I have recently had another bout of things being quite bad, although I am functional. I have finally decided that maybe it is time to try the medication my doctor has been suggesting for a while now.

the big problem is, DH is very anti medication. He has a very old fashioned view of it - he thinks all the things that are not necessarily true eg. It will change your personality, you’ll become addicted… understandably because his friends mum had a terrible experience with this sort of medication which ended tragically.

he will not budge. I’ve said if I am 90% there and the medication just makes up for that 10% wouldn’t that be great? He says “maybe you are just made to function at that level”

I love him and understand his concern but I really think this is the right step forward for me at this point.

WIBU to just get medication and not say anything? I take other things for health issues anyway so he wouldn’t realise. I wouldn’t lie if he questioned it but if I just say nothing and get on with it?

I know @keffie12 but th poster I was responding to was recommending some random supplement over licensed antidepressant medication

I was very against antidepressants for ME personally, (not my business what anyone else did) and had always managed anxiety with diet, exercise, ect ect for over 40 years until I had a nervous breakdown and those things no longer worked. I was anxious to take them but I'm so glad I did as they were amazingly helpful. I took them for 3 years and I've now come off them. It really isn't your husband's decision at all. I know you don't want it to turn into a husband bashing thread but if you decide to take them and he kicks off about it, I suspect it means you have a husband problem.

“Wife it is my expectation that you will manage my insecurities around medication by choosing to neglect your own mental health. Naturally it must come secondary to my feelings.”

Even if he’s typically the nicest man this isn’t ok. Don’t lie to him OP. Take the medication and suggest he gets whatever support he needs to separate your current situation from the previous tragedy.

I wonder if he’s the reason you need the meds in the first place @FiveStarHedgehog

You should take whatever medication you need.

Having medication for anxiety / stress has made my life 100% better. It doesn't make me a different person. It allows me to BE ME without mental health problems spiralling me out of control.

Do what is right for you. Your DH doesn't get a vote on your health, especially when it contradicts your doctor's advice and what you want to do.

If you and your doctor have a plan for this and the doctor recommends this course of action for the good of your mental health, do it. It is all very well your OH saying that maybe you are supposed to be like this, but he's not the one living with it.

Being functional and depressed is not the same as being medicated and thriving.

Long term depression is soul sapping and exhausting. Take the meds, be aware they can take a while to kick in and you may need a while to get the right type and dosage, but once you find the right combination, you should be fine.

He's uninformed if he thinks modern antidepressants are addictive. Was his mum taking an older class of drugs by any chance? Either way - you should not have to suffer because if his lack of information

Oh god I don't know what to say except that taking the meds for anxiety symptoms drastically improved my quality of life op.

The side effects are rare, very rare.

If it's sertraline you are starting please prepare for feeling not so great whilst the meds settle & kick in.

After about 3 weeks it was like a huge wright had been lifted from my shoulders, they 1000% worked for me.

Good luck x

I think you should tell him that you’re taking the medication and just do it. His reactions are things he’ll have to manage, your priority has to be your own health.

Glad you're better but the side effects are not 'very rare'.

In my experience, doctors saying 'you may get worse before you get better' has got to be the understatement of the year!

I had the most debilitating side effects every day for five months until I totally levelled. And there are groups all over social media full of people who've had the same experience. So not 'rare' at all.

I WISH someone had warned me before I started taking them. I just think OP should have all the facts in order to make an informed decision.

ADs are not addictive per se. But you do have to taper slowly if you're coming down/off them, to limit withdrawals. So in that sense, he's not wrong.

Agree. I was the most 'anti-meds' person you've ever come across. Refused ADs... then ended up being hospitalised, where I was put on an SSRI AND Lorazepam.

So, safe to say, I'm not anti-meds any more!

I'd take them. Put then in a vitamin bottle - those designed for women.

in the early 70's, my Mum was prescribed a benzodiazepine for menopausal symptoms. It took her 10 years to get off them. He's probably thinking of something similar.