Why is there so little resources for lonely women?

[DidIMissOut]

I’ve been looking for any help/support/place to even talk about loneliness.
Actual physical loneliness, being single and childless in my 30’s has left me really isolated in the world and I just wanted to at least talk about it a little, see if anyone else is going through what I am and maybe support each other.

But it so hard to find anything!
Most loneliness articles are only about men, leaving women out.
Online when I try to find something it’s either filled with men being angry at women, saying they don’t believe women can be lonely or they staight up say they are men’s only groups (that’s totally fine, I just wish there were something to women also).

Anything that is more women heavy, is filled with women who have husbands and twelve kids sating how lonely they are.
We can’t help each other, vecause we don’t understand each other AT ALL.

Books tend to be about, once again from men’s pov, for them, and thei isolation (usually those are also about how to not be or become an addict, violent, anti-women etc, so there’s nothing for me)

Bews are often worried about linely people, those always turn out to be about boys/young men.

It leaves me/women like me, outside of the outsiders.
And that just makes me feel even more worthless…
And have nowhere to turn to.

Hi there: I’m all the way over in Australia and I’m lonely too. I have a teenage son. I have a dog. But the isolation I feel is profound.
I have no resources for you, except to say you aren’t alone. I’m here and I can vouch that it sucketh.
R

I'm sorry to hear you are suffering from lonliness. It's a rel issue for lots of people in our current set-up.

I'm a bit confused as to what you are looking for, however - do you want a support group specifically for single child-free women to discuss the impact that loneliness is having on you, or are you looking for groups that will give you a way to meet people and thus reduce your feelings of loneliness?

If its the latter, then have you looked at stuff that in happening in your area? When I go to any art workshops in my local museum, its always majoritivly women, including ones with no children. Ditto for volunteering for litter picks, community garden cleanups, etc. I've also been to board game evenings and improvisation classes - those were slightly more men than women, but not enough to make it a boys club or anything.

If its the former, then that sounds quite niche, but maybe you could set something up? It wouldn't have to be a lot of organisation, just post on Meetup and go to a cafe or something.

Sorry I'm a practical person so I don't mean to sound insensitive but
Are you lonely and suicidal then you need to reach out to crisis lines, mental health professionals etc
There are lots of groups that people can join (depending on where you live) to forge new friends and build new connections. These things can take time though so may be best to centre on things you enjoy/want to try/are good at etc
https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/loneliness/

But .... it sounds like you want to sit around talking about being lonely? But only with people who are in the same circumstances as you... 30s and childless. There are single women's groups on places like meet up.

Are you lonely because people in your life have drifted away for whatever reason or because your depressed and need help.

Have you looked at going on a solo holiday with other women, break away from your day to day

I hope things do improve for you. You are at an age where, for many, you can do anything without restrictions or limitations of childcare etc embrace it

DidMissOut

Have you looked on Facebook there are lots of Womens only groups that you can follow & join in the chats & some organise meet ups, weekends & holidays ?

Do you belong to any local groups ?

Have you tried volunteering ?

Do you want a child of your own ?
Do you want to adopt, foster or remain child free ?

What can we do to help you ?

I am the same. There are CNBC and non-mum groups on FB, the childfree section of MN and I haven’t gone there yet but have had these recommended: https://gateway-women.com/community/

you are not alone x

Mostly I’m looking for books or perhaps a site where women who are suffering the same thing could talk and just know how they are navigating and managing life.
Just to talk ehat life is like when you are missing out such a massive and essential things in life.

I just searched lonely women on facebook. It only lead to dating/sex/cheating type of communities.

Is it for lone women, or are there coupled-up women in there?

I’m more sad about being alone than not having children.
I wanted company/ a life partner more than offspring.

Do you work OP?
Do you have any friends at all who are single?
Is there a reason you have given up hope of finding a partner?

I am sorry you feel so alone. Would one to one therapy help?

Anything that is more women heavy, is filled with women who have husbands and twelve kids sating how lonely they are.
We can’t help each other, vecause we don’t understand each other AT ALL.

Not all single and childless women are lonely, and not all women who have a husband and/or children are not. You also don't need to be in the exact same life situation as someone to find common ground or develop a friendship.

It sounds like what you actually want is a support group for single women later in life, so perhaps narrow your search to that.

You’re right actually. It’s assumed women have the social skills to make strong friendships and /or be partnered so a lot of the recent talk on loneliness focuses on men.

I also agree that someone with x amount of kids or has a partner who is emotionally detached isn’t in the same situation as a childfree woman who is properly single.
My friend who is recently divorced with 3 kids can understand some things we discuss but I’m aware we are not in the same boat.

There will definitely be childfree online communities out there, and I think pp have shared some links.

not all women who have a husband and/or children are not. You also don't need to be in the exact same life situation as someone to find common ground or develop a friendship.

I really don’t want to make it into a competition, but it’s hard to talk about being linely as it is, but how could aomeone who has a house full of peoole know what actual loneliness is? I talk to a toaster at this point, so no - I don’t want to hear someone claim how lonely they are when they are packing the car for a partner and three kids, on theur way to in-laws.

And yes, I know, now I’m told that I sound miserable, no wonder I’m alone.
But I just wish (and this is why I’d need to find people who are in a same situation) people would be more realistic.

Do I do kind if think that being in a same situation is (sometimes) needed.
Imagine me saying I’m so lonely that my mind is deteriorating and been told how lucky I am I don’t have anyone farting on my couch.
Like, what the hell?

Surely it would be better to put your energy into things that would make you feel less lonely instead of searching for somewhere to talk about loneliness though? I’ve been single for 25 years, and living alone for the last 9 (daughter left home). I don’t think my situation is so different from yours despite the age gap. I’m not lonely though - I have lots of groups I go out to in the evenings and friends I can meet/visit at other times. This hasn’t happened by accident. You have to put effort into not being alone/lonely if you live alone.
30s is in no way too late to find a life partner if that’s what you really want, either - but you have to get out there. You won’t find one at home or at a support group for other single women (if you could find one).
I hope this doesn’t sound unsympathetic, I really feel for you but I’m thinking about practical steps.

I thought I was lonely in a way, as I'm a recent-ish single parent with older teenagers who have yet to leave home, but I'd imagine I might feel the physical loneliness once they're gone and it's just me and the cat. However, I don't think I want another partner or husband.

So not the same, but I distract with hobbies outside the home, and I'm now looking to go out to work after being self employed at home. Do you do anything like that, OP? Do you have anyone to talk to?

OP, I am a bit worried that what I am about to say you won’t find helpful, but incase it is I’m going to share my thoughts and experience as someone in the same position (age, single, childfree) as you.

I’m sorry you’re struggling with loneliness- it’s horrid and it’s tough. Reading your post though, it sounds as if you are fixating on it quite a lot - I honestly do understand how suffocating it is, but as someone in a similar position I wouldn’t find it helpful to meet up with people to talk about being lonely. It’s just emphasising it for me. Instead I have found it helps to force myself to build some connections, no matter how small at first - a weekly exercise class where you chat to people, volunteering at organising something I enjoy, seeking out those meet up groups as you are doing but to do something fun I enjoy rather than to discuss loneliness. These are things that lead you away from loneliness rather than back towards it. I also wonder whether you could book some therapy sessions to discuss how you’re feeling?

HOWEVER I get people are different and while it’s not something I’d want (and btw I truly get the frustration of hearing someone with a partner two dogs and three kids talk about loneliness - yes, yes, I know people can be lonely/isolated but it really isn’t the same) and if it really is important to you to discuss loneliness in particular with other people and you can’t find a group that works for you - why not start one? It sounds as if you’ve discovered a gap in what’s out there, and the likelihood is if you are looking for something others will too. You could start with a post on a forum, or a blog for people to comment on?

I know quite a few women in that demographic - 30s, single, childless that i've met through hobbies. This is in London if that makes a difference.

What do you do when you're not working?

I get this.
I used to film my time, trying to ignore it.
It worked…until it didn’t.
And these days I really need to talk and be allowed to be honest.
I can’t do the pretend I’m fine anymore.
To me, that only makes me lonelier.
And keeps me isolated.
I need to be honest and vent a bit, here and there.

The partnered up people complaining makes my head explode.

I don’t know how to make internet site/communities.

@DidIMissOut My point wasn't making any comparison, but just that you also can't either. Just because a woman is single and childfree doesn't mean she is miserable or lonely either. They might be vivacious and loving their life, you aren't necessarily going to have more in common with them because they happen to be single.
It seems like you're putting a lot of energy into finding people who feel exactly the same as you, when you could be putting that energy into practical steps to actually change the loneliness.
But narrowing your search of friends to other lonely single women only seems pretty counterintuitive.

This is what I was going to say.
maybe you need some mental health support, have you looked at counselling? Otherwise I do think you have to be proactive, with these good suggestions. Look on meet up as well. Or start your own!

I don’t think the OP meant to be goady at all. She is feeling sad and lonely and trying to find people in the same position on a board largely used by woman.

Well, there is a virtual epidemic of lonely women on Mn (though I do agree with you that many of those mention a spouse and children, which often means I end up wondering how they complain about not being able to make or maintain any friendships whatsoever, yet appear to have without undue difficulty made and maintained a sexual/romantic/spousal bond long enough to have had children).

There is also an active, if fairly new, Childfree forum on Mn.

I would suggest you go on there and look for other posters who are childless rather than childfree, or at least would have considered children if circumstances had allowed the option, and who are single and lonely.

I think the focus on Men's Sheds and the like in RL is because of the far higher rates of suicide among men.

Though there is a Women's Shed operating in my city -- see if there's anything like that where you live?

I find it odd you think partnered people are not allowed to complain about anything? It’s not a competition.

Interesting....but I don't think it's necessarily a discrepancy between the sexes. Whenever I've heard about loneliness being discussed, the focus has always been on older people with young adults forgotten about. People in their 20/30s can be just as lonely as elderly people but this issue is not really discussed.