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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much money for child’s 18th gift?

74 replies

Cat40plus · 27/09/2023 19:48

Help a newbie please. Having a debate around how much to gift eldest on upcoming 18th birthday (alongside some bits to open). Not saving for a car, computer etc so suspect may go on clothes and ‘stuff’. DH thinks this shouldn’t change how much we gift but I’m not sure. I feel £200 is about right but he feels it should be more - to be fair we can afford to go higher but it feels a lot to me. I know it’s very personal but would appreciate any thoughts!

OP posts:
titchy · 27/09/2023 19:50

We gave ours £350 or so, specifically for the post A level trip/festival with friends.

Letitgonowgr · 27/09/2023 19:51

When I was 18, 18 years ago I got £1,000. That seems like loads now which I can’t actually believe! I put half towards a pc and half I took to Florida with me with my then boyfriends family!

I’d want it to go towards something.

Original poster
Cat40plus · 27/09/2023 19:53

Wow! That’s helpful. Not sure if it’s the amount or the fact that it might just go on ‘stuff’ that’s my problem!

OP posts:
LastHives · 27/09/2023 19:53

The problem is they seem to celebrate 18th then 21st as well 😂Are there any plans for driving lessons?

Zapzep · 27/09/2023 19:53

A memorable gift to keep like a watch.

Original poster
Cat40plus · 27/09/2023 19:55

Not interested in driving. I think if the money was going towards something then it would feel more reasonable. Argument from DH is that it’s not up to us to dictate what it gets spent on….

OP posts:
ISeeARedDoorAndIWantToBreakIn · 27/09/2023 19:57

If you think cash would be wasted, would you prefer to give a present, whether than be an item or an experience? Have you spoken to your DC about what they might like? Eg if they say they want to travel to such-and-such place, you could offer to pay a set amount towards the trip.

2chocolateoranges · 27/09/2023 19:57

we offered £500 or gifts up to that value.

ds took the money
dd wanted a designer handbag.

BIossomtoes · 27/09/2023 19:59

Team DH here. Gifts shouldn’t come with strings.

Original poster
Cat40plus · 27/09/2023 20:01

She’d like some hard cash! Also has a few bits to open and a thoughtful but low value piece of jewellery to keep.

OP posts:
Isthisexpected · 27/09/2023 20:03

I wouldn't gift cash at all. I'd pay towards a holiday with friends etc or give a keepsake or useful gift such as watch or laptop.

smallshinybutton · 27/09/2023 20:04

£500 to go in a 2 year savings account. £100 spending money

Original poster
Cat40plus · 27/09/2023 20:07

I wonder if this could be a compromise. Appreciate the point about not dictating how it’s spent though!

OP posts:
Bbq1 · 27/09/2023 20:08

Ds just turned 18. We got him bits to open, a PS5, a custom guitar and gave him £500 to spend on our recent holiday. Probably looking at £1000 in total ... It's a lot but we only have ds and it's just the way it happened. He didn't ask for anything was really appreciative. I think £200 is fine and I'm sure would be really appreciated too but nice if you could afford to make it a bit more.

Original poster
Cat40plus · 27/09/2023 20:09

Also, I appreciate that £200 and more is a lot of money especially for some families at the moment. Hope I haven’t offended at all - new to this forum x

OP posts:
Original poster
Cat40plus · 27/09/2023 20:10

Thanks for the honest advice!

OP posts:
Concannon88 · 27/09/2023 20:11

Isnt a monetary gift meant to be spent on what the receiver wants? Otherwise it's not really a gift is it

Original poster
Cat40plus · 27/09/2023 20:13

Yes, I totally get this and it’s my DH opinion too. I just struggle with the idea of it disappearing on not much. But I think this is maybe my issue tbf.

OP posts:
Peepshowcreepshow · 27/09/2023 20:13

DD is having money for a holiday. She's not into jewellery or keepsake kind of things, has a laptop for school already and doesn't need anything.

Jesskitty · 27/09/2023 20:15

I think it’s more of a waste to spend on jewellery etc if it’s not what she really wants. Let her make memories with a holiday or whatever and go along with what your OH wants to spend if you can afford it. She’s only young once.

Motomum23 · 27/09/2023 20:19

My ds is getting a £3000 motorbike for his 17th so probably nothing for his 18th! 🤣

IVFfirsttimer91 · 27/09/2023 20:23

I got £5000 and some Tiffany jewellery for my 18th. Similar thing for 21st. I’ll be doing the same for my child if I can!

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 27/09/2023 20:27

My dd wants a party for her 18th which I reckon will end up costing at least £300.

That will be her main gift and I will also buy her a nice piece of jewellery to keep.

She gets her child trust fund once she turns 18 so doesn't need more money!

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 27/09/2023 20:28

We gave double the normal amount given for previous birthdays.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 27/09/2023 20:36

Dd1’s 18th is right near Christmas. She got an iPad Air which was a joking birthday and Christmas gift and a necklace she can keep on her actual birthday, as well as some other bits and pieces.

we’re not rolling in it and this felt like plenty tbh. Especially as she had a (cheap) car for her joint 17th birthday and Christmas present, along with other bits.

basically give what you can afford and what you’re happy with giving. £200 plies something nice they can keep would be fine.