Asking me what I’ve done all day

[Goodbyegreysky]

Bit of background-worked all my life many hours until having dc later. Stayed at home until Dc started Pre school. She now goes three days per week. I work two weekday evenings and one weekend morning. I do mostly everything else at home-all school runs, food shop, Cleaning bills, drs appointments etc etc.
I’m mid forties with some health issues and possibly peri, i’m
always tired. The money I earn is good, I pay into pensions and own half the house, should I be working more?
I can feel the expectation/possible resentment in Dh’s voice when he asks what I did today (on the days Dd is at school)
Some days I do just relax (or try to!) is that wrong?
Today, I’ve been for blood tests, done some food shopping, read, watched tv and been on here. I’ll pick Dd up, dog walk, make dinner, wash up etc etc then take her to bed.
If I’m earning an ok amount and doing all the other bits, should I also be working every minute she’s not with me at home?
I’m tired and sick of being made to feel I’m lazy or something. Am I pulling my weight enough?

''He's s parent. It's called patenting. It tends to keep you busy....''

But the OP has 3 days without her child at home while her partner is working full time, then in his free time he can't go out as OP is working. People are saying OP is working instead of relaxing in the evening, well her husband is working then on parenting duty when he gets home and I've of the weekend days.
It really doesn't seem a fair split in 'free time'.
OP gets 3 child free days, her husband gets a few hours when she takes her child to see friends.

Sorry for all the spelling mistakes, trying to hang out the washing and type!

often spouses get resentful if they feel they don’t get downtime/me time etc., and think the other one does. Does you DH get the same or at least a decent share of time to relax and do his own stuff? If you’re working pt, guess should be possible for him to get to relax quite frequently in the evening and on weekends? I think as long as he can see that you working less means less work for him at home, then no reason for resentment, as long as your overall financial situation is ok.

Go back to work full time and stop doing any household chores. After all housework, cooking, cleaning, childcare etc is not a reasonable use of one's time compared to full time employment.

You mentioned you worked for many years, that's normal, so have we all, so not sure why you're mentioning it as if you've done your bit and now deserve to sit back. You're only in your forties for goodness sake! Most women in their forties and older are working full time and managing a household and children. Many of us are perimenopausal and have chronic illnesses to boot.

Your posts do come across as someone who wants to work as little as possible and expects her husband to support her and dc. If you work 2 evenings plus one morning and your child is at preschool 3 days a week that's a lot of time left over to do housework and shopping, much more time than lots of others have to do all those things around their full time jobs. Yet you describe it all as if it's incredibly time consuming that takes all your free time over the week.

You mention you pay into your pension, but what percentage of bills do you pay in comparison to your dh's contribution? Is he the main breadwinner in the family? Is there enough left over after bills for hobbies and entertainment and basically to enjoy life? I'm asking because I wonder if your dh feels resentment if he's the main earner and yet despite that might not have anything to show for it whilst also knowing that you are working just a few hours so might not be contributing much financially.

It might be better if you increase your working hours and then share the chores in a more proportionate manner

@Justfourdaystogo You sound like a lovely, caring person.

OP there are so many folk who think the only valuable contribution anyone makes in life is financial. You’re doing just fine. And you don’t need to justify that to anyone.

OP You are doing more than enough and don't listen to anyone on here who says you are lazy. The jealousy really pours out when you say you work part time. Loads of us work part time. We also do plenty of everything else that needs to be done.
I think your husband sounds as if he has an easy life. Just going to work 9-5 and not having to do any of the domestic stuff is beyond most women's comprehension because it is never like that for them.

Firstly it might be in your head not his. However if that’s how he’s feeling you need to talk about it, perhaps he wants a lifestyle that he could achieve if you both worked full time , or perhaps he would like to be at home more and feels it’s his turn ?

Depending on his job, he may have the flexibility to with evenings is wants or find a job that contains evening work. That will enable him to be at home more (when he can start doing his share of the chores).

Would also add OP, that sub consciously you may feel that you’re not doing enough because society has us thinking we have to cram every spare second into doing something productive, then wonder why folk suffer burnout. Some of the comments on here substantiate that statement. Why are women so hard on each other?
The fight against the patriarchy is only made more difficult by females who think equality can only be achieved by working yourself into the ground.

@athrobbingpairoftrousers So true 💜

There will always be people like this in the world.

From your replies it seems she has two habits that are opposite to you.

1 she doesn’t separate need and wants and makes them both valid points for being busy.
my ex did this, and would say ‘I’ll shove a broom up my arse and I can sweep the floor at the same time” what he meant was “I’ve accepted social events and volunteered to help people doing things I like doing” So if there was any floor sweeping to be done it was going to done done by yours truly.

My ex and I are both retired and he definitely needed to fill the void to make him feel important. Plus being busy means you can’t be expected to help out family. The more he spends the more he equates that to being happy.

2 some people want to give back to the world and others live by the motto “you only get one life”. I have noticed a spend, spend mentality in my retired boomer friends.

I want to spend my retirement years frugally and not wasting global resources and contributing to climate change as little as possible. I want to do something ‘good’, at the mo it is long term fostering elderly cats exp black ones (who are the least adoptable). I want to pass on accrued assets to my child.

You are being very honest about your feelings and I admire that.

Mumsnet will have shown you that this isn’t always a popular view. Moan all you like to like minded friends. I personally would find your Mil both annoying and irrelevant. I’m my case I have an ex behaving just like her.

So in answer to your question. Yes, but I don’t think there’s anything you can do and she’s not a rarity. You will meet many, many people like this.