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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say they can’t visit with their dog?

134 replies

blutterfly · 26/09/2023 06:02

We live 4hrs from my parents. We have two primary aged children. We hardly see them anyway but they’ve recently got a puppy. A bouncy thing. We have an old and very nervous cat, who hides most days under the bed when we have visitors.

We have visited them since puppy arrived. DM has asked if they can visit us and bring puppy. I’ve said no it’s not fair on our cat. As far as I see it, it was their choice to get a dog not ours. They should get a pet sitter so they can visit. They’ve never had a dog before and always been cat people, so this is new way of life for them.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WithoutYou · 26/09/2023 09:15

People are talking about entitled dog owners, but so far there's nothing to say OPs parents are entitled. They've asked if they can bring their dog, it's fine to ask. OP has said no which is also fine.

Presuming they want a relationship with each other, they all need to find a way to see each other which they're all ok with. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:16

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:15

🙄

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Another useful contribution.
Thanks.

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:16

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:16

Another useful contribution.
Thanks.

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Oh do one.

Said to the OP, its her house.

Parlourgames · 26/09/2023 09:17

Shut the cat upstairs? Put a barrier on the stairs so the puppy can’t go up?

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:18

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:16

Oh do one.

Said to the OP, its her house.

Edited
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Says the person who jumps in with similar contributions on every thread like this.
As I said, more 'useful' contributions.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:19

Parlourgames · 26/09/2023 09:17

Shut the cat upstairs? Put a barrier on the stairs so the puppy can’t go up?

Shut the cat upstairs in it's own territory and then introduce a new smell that it probably freaks out at? That's not going to work.

BlueBlubbaWhale · 26/09/2023 09:20

Hamburger even without the cat issue. If you get a dog you have to accept it limits you. It's part of pet ownership and the owners problem not everyone else's. Do boarding kennels not exist anymore?

BlueBlubbaWhale · 26/09/2023 09:20

That should be yanbu 😂

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:21

Keyboard warriors

LostInSpaceRaiders · 26/09/2023 09:22

YANBU in the slightest.

I’m a dog owner, have been almost all of my life, and I would never presume it was okay to bring my dog to someone else’s house even if they have a resident dog themselves. Whilst our current lab was a pup until well after 2 years old she stayed with my best friend (at friends request), my Dad (again, at his request) or went to a home boarder when we travelled to my inlaws around 2 hours away as they’ve never had a dog, nor wanted one.

They’ve started requesting we take our dog with us now, but we still tested the water with a stay in an Airbnb nearby and taking our dog to their house for short periods before we stayed over.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WithoutYou · 26/09/2023 09:22

BlueBlubbaWhale · 26/09/2023 09:20

Hamburger even without the cat issue. If you get a dog you have to accept it limits you. It's part of pet ownership and the owners problem not everyone else's. Do boarding kennels not exist anymore?

Not everyone would put their dog in kennels. I wouldn't.

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:22

Going to ignore you now.

VenusClapTrap · 26/09/2023 09:24

The onus is on the dog owner to find a solution, not the op.

Cosyblankets · 26/09/2023 09:29

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 09:15

Your first line wasn't helpful at all, just assuming some sort of superiority.
That needed to be pointed out,
Moving back to the actual topic.

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What was your solution? Apologies if i missed it

BeignetPommes · 26/09/2023 09:32

Only on here, that it is so bad

Dog owners who are part of the problem are less likely to notice it.

HermioneWeasley · 26/09/2023 09:34

There’s a lot of dog threads recently
because there had been an explosion in dog ownership and many of them are inexperienced and frankly irresponsible

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2023 09:34

My own dogs don't go everywhere with us, no cafes, no bars, no shops and not to anyone else's house.

Netcam · 26/09/2023 09:38

WithoutYou · 26/09/2023 09:22

Not everyone would put their dog in kennels. I wouldn't.

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I think it's fine to not want to put your dog in kennels. But if you don't then you need to figure out how you might travel with a dog. You can't expect other people who don't want to a dog in their house to just accept it. You might need to find a dog friendly place to stay nearby and then meet up there, for example.

BeignetPommes · 26/09/2023 09:41

Not everyone would put their dog in kennels. I wouldn't

That's understandable, I have friends who wouldn't do that either.
It does tend to limit their lives though. It's not up to friends and relatives to accommodate their animal.

WithoutYou · 26/09/2023 09:43

I think it's fine to not want to put your dog in kennels. But if you don't then you need to figure out how you might travel with a dog. You can't expect other people who don't want to a dog in their house to just accept it. You might need to find a dog friendly place to stay nearby and then meet up there, for example.

If you read my posts, I've said exactly that. I was just responding to the person asking about kennels.

So far, OP hasn't said that the parents expect to bring the dog, only that asked. Asking is fine, as is OP saying no. So much drama about nothing.

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 26/09/2023 10:38

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 07:44

That's poddibly a symptom of how many issues regarding dogs/dog owners there are out there.

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🙄or how trivial issues are maximised

Hummingbird89 · 26/09/2023 10:42

MintJulia · 26/09/2023 06:10

YABU. They don't have to visit you at all.

There are several ways to manage this. It isn't too difficult. My dsis has a nervous elderly cat. When I took young DS to visit, the cat would retreat to dsis' bedroom until we left. DS wasn't allowed in.

When dnephew visited with his dog, the puppy crate stayed in the back of his estate car. The back door left open, and dog had his water bowl, toys and blankets in his puppy crate in his familiar car on a warm night, and stayed outside. Dnephew brought him in to the conservatory each day.

Their dog is still a puppy. Give them time to get it settled and in a routine, and then suggest a compromise.

No…just no. How self centred can you be?!
I have a Cat that gets extremely distressed if there’s a dog in the house, regardless of whether it’s shut in a room/the dogs confined to one area etc. It takes days for him to decompress after and get back to his old self. It’s not fair to out the cat under so much stress when the easy alternative is just leave the puppy at home.
OP YANBU. I don’t allow anyone to bring dogs to my house. I love dogs but it’s just not fair on my cat.

Fireandflames666 · 26/09/2023 10:56

It's fine to say no for the sake of your cat. Locking him away in his own house then him coming down and smelling a dog would only worsen his anxiety. I have three anxious cats and would never let a dog invade their space.

Hersecretserviceyourmaj · 26/09/2023 11:08

Anyway OP, it certainly is your house and your choice. Why would you be unreasonable to tell them to leave the puppy at home. Similarly, they would not be being unreasonable to say OK, we will not visit, until the dependent and maybe anxious puppy is older. I'm sure as it's a "bouncy thing", your parents will take as much joy being with it as they can.