To say they can’t visit with their dog?

[blutterfly]

We live 4hrs from my parents. We have two primary aged children. We hardly see them anyway but they’ve recently got a puppy. A bouncy thing. We have an old and very nervous cat, who hides most days under the bed when we have visitors.

We have visited them since puppy arrived. DM has asked if they can visit us and bring puppy. I’ve said no it’s not fair on our cat. As far as I see it, it was their choice to get a dog not ours. They should get a pet sitter so they can visit. They’ve never had a dog before and always been cat people, so this is new way of life for them.

AIBU?

You could have added this to any number of dog threads this week.
If it's 4 hours could you not meet half way and go to a park or god forbid a dog friendly pub or cafe then no one needs to stay overnight?
Could you not visit them? Get someone to look after the cat while you're away?

👏 👏 👏

So is it 4 hours each way? Are they stopping over? You could look at a local dog sitter

All the nope. Your house, your rules .

What odd replies 'will stink your house out' ''toddler would hate it'
I've yet to encounter a dog that stinks and your toddler will only hate if that's what you've shown them.
A usual MN thread full of dog haters.

There's been threads like this everyday for the last month now

To be fair, that's probably because far more people have dogs since the pandemic, and also many dog owners seem to have the idea they can take their dogs anywhere. It's burgeoned in the last couple of years.
I've been a non-dog household for 35 years - there's never been a dog in this house. For the first 33 years nobody even asked if they could bring a dog to visit - why would they? In the past 2 years I've had at least half a dozen people turn up with their dogs, expecting to come in. So in my experience it is a relatively new scenario of owners just assuming their dog is welcome everywhere.
The problem is spreading so the threads will increase.

How would you feel if parents said "Oh just come and visit by yourself, don't bring kids?"

🙄

Entirely your choice and YANBU to say no to dog coming in your house. But yes there may be consequences such as them choosing not to visit. It was their choice to get a dog but it is also their choice whether or not to make an 8hr round trip and stay over in order to see family and it is possible they will choose not to if additional barriers are put in the way.

Meh, up to you whether you prioritise your relationship with your parents.

Op, start as you plan to go, today it is a puppy, but won’t stay a puppy forever and will be in their lives for many many years to come.

If they are visiting for the day, meet at a restaurant, park or do a park walk with pub at the end (or a picnic if you don’t want to spend the money in restaurants).

If they are staying over, they need to learn early enough that there are expenses that come with dog ownership: pet sitting and reduced range of holiday accommodation so stand your ground and tell them you don’t want the dog at home. This will obviously reduce how often you see them but also, how often you have to put up with a dog that for whatever reason you don’t want in YOUR house.

I wouldn’t want a dog in my house regardless of my cats.

I currently don’t have a dog because I don’t want a dog so why would I want a dog acting like. A dog in my house/garden.

It was their choice to get a dog but it is also their choice whether or not to make an 8hr round trip and stay over in order to see family and it is possible they will choose not to if additional barriers are put in the way

It is a barrier they've put there themselves though.

If she didn't allow visiting dogs in her own house, then she's not really in a position to complain if you make the same decision.

Much as I love dogs, I very much appreciated guests leaving theirs at home. My last cat was absolutely freaked out by them, even if they were at the other end of the house and he was safe in my bedroom.

Or up to her parents whether they prioritise their daughter and grandchild over their dog.

They certainly prioritised themselves over people's dogs before they owned one themselves, since OP's mum didn't allow them in her house.

You didn't have to comment, but yet you did.

You've yet to encounter a dog that stinks? Really? Gosh, I have met more dogs that stink than ones that don't. That doesn't mean I cannot appreciate their other good points, of course. Perhaps you are a little 'nose blind'?

Why though? It's not like all dog dilemmas should just be dumped together. They have dog clearly in the title.

To be fair, that's probably because far more people have dogs since the pandemic, and also many dog owners seem to have the idea they can take their dogs anywhere. It's burgeoned in the last couple of years.
Agree with this as someone who had dogs before the pandemic. There has been a culture shift in dog ownership.

Ours were trained gradually from an young age to manage being alone in the house for appropriate lengths of time. It never crossed my mind to bring my dogs into shops, with me to everyone's homes, and every cafe or restaurant on earth. They're dogs. I chose to have them, which means I've chosen to accept certain things don't work for me, like weekends away or long, non-dog friendly days out at the weekend if there's nobody at home or calling in during the day. Country pubs typically had a dog friendly area and there were some cafes locally that were popular with dog walkers, but the default assumption was that places weren't for dogs.

A lot of the pandemic dogs have grown up glued to their owners and the owners didn't think about what life would look like with a dog after life got back to normal. Instead of training their dog and adapting their lifestyle, some of these new owners seem to think society needs to shift around their dog so their human life can continue as their pre-dog life.

If it makes your cat unhappy, then just tell them no. Be prepared for them not to visit as they may not want to leave their dog. No one is being unreasonable and no drama required.

Your house your decision, but don’t complain to your mum when she’s not visiting you much

YNBU unless it's a Great Dane, which would mean you are!

Honestly OP just sort it out with your parents. There's usually a compromise if you try.

I commented because meeting halfway seems the easiest solution. Two hours each. Cat is happy. Dog has shorter journey. Dog is not in the house. Kids get to meet the dog. No one has to stay overnight.

I agree . I think it’s because so many people now want/ expect to take their dogs everywhere. I have a friend who will now only meet if we go to a dog friendly place which is usually ok but a bit restricting .

Wondered what today's dog thread would be.

Your house, shame about the dog not allowed because of the cat.

That is true definitely noticed more friends wanting to check pubs are dog friendly