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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say they can’t visit with their dog?

134 replies

blutterfly · 26/09/2023 06:02

We live 4hrs from my parents. We have two primary aged children. We hardly see them anyway but they’ve recently got a puppy. A bouncy thing. We have an old and very nervous cat, who hides most days under the bed when we have visitors.

We have visited them since puppy arrived. DM has asked if they can visit us and bring puppy. I’ve said no it’s not fair on our cat. As far as I see it, it was their choice to get a dog not ours. They should get a pet sitter so they can visit. They’ve never had a dog before and always been cat people, so this is new way of life for them.

AIBU?

OP posts:
JC89 · 26/09/2023 07:14

YANBU, I wouldn't let someone bring a dog to stay in my home either. I wouldn't like it and my toddler would hate it.

BarrelOfOtters · 26/09/2023 07:15

Our cat isn’t nervous but is very intolerant of dogs. He twats visiting dogs so they know their place.

ActDottie · 26/09/2023 07:16

Personally I’d try and make it work. Can they visit and stay in a dog friendly hotel? And then you meet them outside of the home or if you meet them in your home then just put the cat upstairs for a short while?

BarrelOfOtters · 26/09/2023 07:16

I think it’s a shame if this stops your parents visiting. An overnight I. A room with a litter tray is v unlikely to harm the cat permanently.

SuddenlyOld · 26/09/2023 07:19

It's your house and your rules so ynbu to say no to the dog. You don't need to use the cat as an excuse.

We got a puppy last year and everything has changed. I visit my kids less but they come here instead

Picturethat · 26/09/2023 07:19

Even if the cat doesn't see the dog, as pp says, the smell of him being there is enough to cause stress cystitis in cats. You could end up with your cat urinating all over the house. I would never have a dog in my cat only house for this reason.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 26/09/2023 07:20

They need to put the puppy in a kennel or have someone look after it while they are away.

wildwestpioneer · 26/09/2023 07:24

I'm a dog lover and have 3 myself, but it's your house so your rules. If you don't want a puppy in the house, then you're quite within your rights to say no.

But, any decision you make will have consequences, such as your DP not visiting (I'd not want to put a puppy in kennels so early), and your dc might enjoy spending time with a puppy.

There are ways around this, but it's your choice not to compromise.

Original poster
blutterfly · 26/09/2023 07:29

Clearly a divisive topic!

DM has always hated the smell of dogs and would never have anyone’s dog visit her house. So I guess that’s how I’m reacting now, with a nervous cat in the mix

OP posts:
Original poster
blutterfly · 26/09/2023 07:31

wildwestpioneer · 26/09/2023 07:24

I'm a dog lover and have 3 myself, but it's your house so your rules. If you don't want a puppy in the house, then you're quite within your rights to say no.

But, any decision you make will have consequences, such as your DP not visiting (I'd not want to put a puppy in kennels so early), and your dc might enjoy spending time with a puppy.

There are ways around this, but it's your choice not to compromise.

But it was their decision to get a dog and their decision to not use a pet sitter or kennels.

OP posts:
Qilin · 26/09/2023 07:32

It's fine to say no to having a dog in your house.

Fortunately this hasn't arisen for us as none of the people who come and stay with us having animals they need to bring with them. I don't want a dog in my home, and neither my house or garden are particularly dog friendly right now.

AtlasPine · 26/09/2023 07:36

I adore dogs, mine in particular but would never expect a family member to host him if they didn’t want to - they wouldn’t have to give a reason. I’d find a sitter if I were visiting them.

35965a · 26/09/2023 07:37

No, the cat comes first. If she will be too stressed with a dog in her territory it would be cruel to put her through that. My brother’s cat loathes dogs but she doesn’t get nervous around them, she will just swat them if they get too close, so he doesn’t mind my parents bringing their dog. Would be a different story if the cat got scared.

margotrose · 26/09/2023 07:39

There's been threads like this everyday for the last month now 🥱

wildwestpioneer · 26/09/2023 07:43

But it was their decision to get a dog and their decision to not use a pet sitter or kennels

Absolutely @blutterfly which means they have to deal with you saying no. Sounds like it's a bit of a stalemate. Why don't they stay in a dog friends hotel nearby, and you can all catch up in the park, or they could come to you for a few hours and you can separate the cat and dog whilst you have some lunch and a catch up? That way you don't spend hours and hours with the cat upstairs and the dog in another room?

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 07:43

YANBU.
They chose to get a dog and need to accept the implications of that.
I've nothing against dogs, and responsible owners, but I wouldn't want one in my house for a whole host of reasons. You're right to put your pet first.

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 07:44

margotrose · 26/09/2023 07:39

There's been threads like this everyday for the last month now 🥱

That's poddibly a symptom of how many issues regarding dogs/dog owners there are out there.

ReviewingTheSituation · 26/09/2023 07:45

The cat is beside the point here. If you don't want the dog in your house, that is enough.

I don't want dogs in my house, and I think dog owners who expect to be able to take their dog to someone else's house are definitely unreasonable.

To those who say you can separate it from the cat/the cat will be upstairs... cats aren't stupid (well, they are, but they're also very perceptive). My cat would know all was not 'right' downstairs from her hiding place upstairs, which would stress her out. Plus dogs leave scent and hair, so when the poor cat is allowed back into its own space when the dog has gone, her territory and safe environment will be full of dog.

Dog boarders and kennels exist for exactly these reasons. There's a simple solution to the issue, they just have to use it.

Original poster
blutterfly · 26/09/2023 07:45

margotrose · 26/09/2023 07:39

There's been threads like this everyday for the last month now 🥱

Sorry, but with weather getting autumnal and Christmas approaching it’s more of an issue I guess as visitors are confined to indoor spaces

OP posts:
ACertainKindOfLight · 26/09/2023 07:47

I have four cats and would never dream of saying don't bring dog or puppy. The more the merrier. Cats aren't daft and would simply keep out of the way. Leave them in another room if need be.
How would you feel if parents said "Oh just come and visit by yourself, don't bring kids?"
You sound miserable and are taking enjoyment away from parents new found joy.
are you jealous attention is not solely on your family?

Allofthisisasimulation · 26/09/2023 07:48

ACertainKindOfLight · 26/09/2023 07:47

I have four cats and would never dream of saying don't bring dog or puppy. The more the merrier. Cats aren't daft and would simply keep out of the way. Leave them in another room if need be.
How would you feel if parents said "Oh just come and visit by yourself, don't bring kids?"
You sound miserable and are taking enjoyment away from parents new found joy.
are you jealous attention is not solely on your family?

Oh look, another person comparing human children to a puppy. How novel.

Nw22 · 26/09/2023 07:51

If you don’t want them in your house then go and visit them. They can’t really leave a puppy for that length of time

Hereforsummer · 26/09/2023 07:51

YANBU but this will damage your relationship with your parents. Would they be willing to keep the dog on a lead or shut in the room with them while they visit so it can't chase the cat?

Icequeen01 · 26/09/2023 07:51

I am a huge animal lover and have 3 cats. Our best friends got the most gorgeous dog who they brought over to ours a few times. However, it became clear that it was too stressful for my cats and to be honest as much as I love their dog I don't trust him with my cats. I had an honest conversation with my friends and they now leave him at home if they come to us or we go out with him or go to their house. They know we adore him but my cats come first in their own home and our friends totally understand that.

Photio · 26/09/2023 07:54

It's fine, your house your rules.
My SIL doesn't allow her brother to bring the dog when they visit (2 hrs away so would be an overnight at weekend).
That's fine it's their home and garden but net result is her brother and his family rarely visit them

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