To want to protect my Children's inheritance

[Starssunmoonsky]

Not really an aibu, but I thought I'd post here for traffic.

I'm about to make a Will, but have no idea how I can protect my DC's inheritance from future spouses, or even if it's possible to.

I've got two DC's who are both young adults now, and my DS has just got engaged to his girlfriend. She's a great girl and I think a lot of her and hope she and my DS have a long happy future together.
However, as we all know, unfortunately sometimes marriages don't last and I wouldn't want my DC's to have to hand over half of their inheritance, especially if they end up having a short lived marriage.

I understand that they are the ones who make their own choices and decisions regarding getting married, but when they're 'young and in love' they often don't see that relationships don't always last.

Is there any way I can protect them financially do you know?

You need to take proper legal advice. They may tell you to consider a will trust.

But you should make an appointment with a solicitor.

Skipping your children's generation and passing it to the grandchildren might work ? There could be the situation where you don't see some of the grandchildren because of divorce but I'm assuming that you wouldn't want to punish them for their parents.

Under U.K. law I don’t think you can, unless you set up trusts (which I know from an ex colleague can work out very expensive.)

I felt the same when a dd was about to marry, since we’d just given substantial help with a house purchase. We really liked our future SIL but I was still a bit uneasy - how could I ensure that the money stayed with dd if they ever split?
I couldn’t, not easily anyway. But 🤞it’s still working out well several years later.
High time IMO that U.K. law changed in this respect, though. In other countries you are able to ensure that money remains with your own relative.

Depending upon the amounts involved, a trust could be the answer, used alongside pre and/or post nuptial agreements. I would recommend talking to a solicitor that specialises in trusts.

https://www.kabirfamilylaw.co.uk/inheritance-and-divorce/

“But the important feature of a family trust of this nature, is that your beneficiaries never acquire full ownership of the assets on paper. So, if your child is a beneficiary of the trust created by such a will, any assets or money they receive from the trust are excluded from the divorce courts’ decision making.”

https://willwritten.com/legacy-advice/making-your-childs-inheritance-divorce-proof#:~:text=But%20the%20important%20feature%20of,the%20divorce%20courts'%20decision%20making.

I agree re the legal advice needed, I just wondered if anyone has been in a similar position and what they have done

I wouldn't want to bypass my Children, as I don't think it's be fair on them.
Besides, the same situation could happen with Grandchildren.

That's exactly how I feel, uneasy. Although that's probably because I'm a bit cynical of relationships lasting the distance, even though many do I suppose!

Thanks, that's interesting, I'll look into that and get advice

write a clause that if your kids get married they don’t inherit?

bit harsh, but probably the only way to ensure they keep their own assets.

I think ultimately it is up to your children to protect themselves, or not, as they see fit. Once you have passed on a gift, or passed away and they have inherited your estate, it belongs to them to do with as they see fit. Advising them of the benefits and pitfalls of marriage might be a start though, so if they do decide to marry they do so understanding that they might have to split everything if it all goes wrong.

I wouldn't expect them to have T & C's if they get married

When marriages are very short-lived, divorce settlements generally take this into account and each divorced partner is restored to the approximate position they would have been without the marriage. When the marriage lasted for decades then it is right and proper that assets are split evenly because the two adults agreed to take life as a partnership and will have made crucial life decisions on the basis of being able to rely on their partner. When there are children involved (your future grandchildren) the financial settlement should be made in thise childrens best interests primarily. All this is as it should be.

I think you are worrying about the wrong things. Focus on ensuring that your own DC have the emotional maturity to not be selfish arseholes themselves, and to approach marriage as a partnership of equals where they value and respect and empower their partner and are always reliable, and to choose a life-partner who will be the same for them. If they do that then maybe there will never be a divorce and the inheritance is safe, and if they did that to thr best of their ability but the marriage still failed then the eventual destination if this wealth will be decided by a court system which will weigh up all available evidence and make a fair distribution.

Obsessing about protecting your wealth is only likely to sow seeds of disruption and distrust to destabilise these partnerships.

I've advised them, but I think younger adults can be naive to the fact that many marriages don't last, and would never expect a split to 'happen to them'

I think you're going to give your kids a complex about love and money!

I know of a parent who was also obsessed with this, and making sure any inheritance (it would be nearly 7 figures per child) was ringfenced away from future partners. Their kids grew up to become far too money focused and the whole separation of money and love actually ruined one of their relationships! It was almost like they were taught to see all future partners as potential money grabbers!

Once you're dead then it becomes their money. Just let them do what they like with it! Let them live their own lives.

There is a court system that will protect assets from short lived marriages.

IF they blow the entire fortune on extravagant cars and jewellery for women then the women run away, then they learn their lesson!

I'm not at all 'obsessing about protecting my wealth' as you put it, but can you blame me for looking out for my DC's financially if I can?

Wouldn't you do the same thing? ..... I completely understand that if a marriage has lasted a good length of time, and especially if Grandchildren come into the mix, of course I'd want a more even split of finances, as I'd want my Grandchildren to benefit too.
I'm trying to point out that IF my DC's enter a marriage that is very short lived, then I wouldn't want their spouse to take half of their inheritance. There's nothing wrong with that..

Tbh with a short-lived marriage it’s unlikely that the spouse would walk away with half an inheritance anyway as PP said. It’s long marriages, especially those where children are involved, where those types of order are made. And presumably you’d feel differently in those circumstances.

A former friend had a parent like this and it definitely got picked up by the friend. She had all of her wealth all tied up, wouldn't marry etc. Entering all relationships as though they're doomed to fail sets that low bar, just be cautious that they're not learning to hoard and count pennies rather than live.

TBH I couldn’t bring myself to discuss it at all with dd or SiL, perhaps especially since besides so recently buying the house and about to marry, they also just had their first baby.

And because we liked him, I certainly could never have brought myself to ask future SiL to sign anything to say that if they split, he wouldn’t claim half the money we’d given for the house.

Not that it would have held water under U.K. law, but I know some people do it anyway.

Get solicitor’s advice about a trust.

I used to feel strongly like this also OP. But less now than before.
Im giving my sons some money and going to insist ( unmarried gay son ) buys a house in “unequal” shares from his partner to reflect his large deposit.

My other son is in a relationship with a lovely girl, who stuck with him through a brain tumour and now they have a little boy ( will be my only grandson ) Whats mine will become 50% theirs. I plan to leave her a very valuable classic car.

pre nups etc are only relevant in equal relationships without children. Then a Judge can override it anyway.

A trust is the answer OP.
I'm not in the legal profession or adjacent at all (STEM type job rather) but I think you can educate yourself about trusts relatively easily.
I don't mean at the level of writing one or anything, but just in terms of knowing what you're talking about.
Funnily enough I started by looking up the law society exams, in my (British Isles) country trusts fall under the "Equity" exam curriculum.
And short-ish exam manuals can be easily found online.

Yes, I’ve got something in my will where my money goes to my kids or their kids, not to spouses.

Something i should consider really but then i thought "i'll be dead, i wont care" plus they'll still be very well off.

Laws can also change, making the vehicle you use to avoid tax null and void.

My son is buying with his partner and has 100k deposit
his partner isn’t putting anything in but my son couldn’t buy without his partners wage

So my son has a deed of trust to protect his 100k deposit but they are going 50 -50 on the mortgage / and deeds
He knows that if he gets married then the deed of trust would be invalid
His partner may inherit some money in the next year or so and if they do I think they will add that to mortgage and change the deed of trust to reflect this

But once your dc inherit you can’t stop them from doing what they want with that money