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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to protect my Children's inheritance

153 replies

Starssunmoonsky · 25/09/2023 09:10

Not really an aibu, but I thought I'd post here for traffic.

I'm about to make a Will, but have no idea how I can protect my DC's inheritance from future spouses, or even if it's possible to.

I've got two DC's who are both young adults now, and my DS has just got engaged to his girlfriend. She's a great girl and I think a lot of her and hope she and my DS have a long happy future together.
However, as we all know, unfortunately sometimes marriages don't last and I wouldn't want my DC's to have to hand over half of their inheritance, especially if they end up having a short lived marriage.

I understand that they are the ones who make their own choices and decisions regarding getting married, but when they're 'young and in love' they often don't see that relationships don't always last.

Is there any way I can protect them financially do you know?

OP posts:
notlucreziaborgia · 25/09/2023 11:01

No one goes into marriage anticipating divorce, but then no one drives a car intending to crash either. Doesn’t mean you don’t wear a seatbelt and disable your airbags.

it isn’t necessary to put yourself at financial disadvantage, or at least significant risk, in the name of love.

thetrainatplatform4 · 25/09/2023 11:05

My parents had similar thoughts - good job as I did unexpectedly divorce from a long marriage with an ex who own family finances are small fry in comparison so my parents

It was actually me who advised them to protect what they had worked for - so we looked at gifts to grandchildren and trusts mainly.

notlucreziaborgia · 25/09/2023 11:06

Soontobe60 · 25/09/2023 11:00

But once your dc inherit you can’t stop them from doing what they want with that money

Show quote history

That’s where family trusts come in. You can make your child a beneficiary of your assets without giving them control of them.

Original poster
Starssunmoonsky · 25/09/2023 11:06

towriteyoumustlive · 25/09/2023 10:46

I think you're going to give your kids a complex about love and money!

I know of a parent who was also obsessed with this, and making sure any inheritance (it would be nearly 7 figures per child) was ringfenced away from future partners. Their kids grew up to become far too money focused and the whole separation of money and love actually ruined one of their relationships! It was almost like they were taught to see all future partners as potential money grabbers!

Once you're dead then it becomes their money. Just let them do what they like with it! Let them live their own lives.

There is a court system that will protect assets from short lived marriages.

IF they blow the entire fortune on extravagant cars and jewellery for women then the women run away, then they learn their lesson!

If I gave them a complex about future partners and money then why has my DC just got engaged?
The person you know whose ring fenced her money is only looking out for her kids. They're obviously a wealthy family, so it goes without saying that people with wealth might be cautious of who they tie the knot with.

I know a few people who it's obvious will only date those with money or assets. It happens. A lot.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 25/09/2023 11:20

I am in a similar position, although my children are not (yet) married.

I got divorced a couple of years ago, and the U.K. system for dealing with assets in the event of a divorce seems sensible.

If there are children then the needs of the children to be housed etc are considered first.

If there are no children, then if it is a short marriage the aim is to return the couple to about where they were financially pre-marriage and then split any jointly gained assets.

If it is a long marriage (10 years plus suggested) then 50:50 would be the starting point.

I have not looked into trusts as they seem overly complicated and expensive; I may regret this some years down the line but we will see!

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 11:23

What an odd concern. If we leave the kids money, it’s up to them what they do with it, surely?

Original poster
Starssunmoonsky · 25/09/2023 11:25

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 11:23

What an odd concern. If we leave the kids money, it’s up to them what they do with it, surely?

'What an odd concern'

Are you being serious?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 11:26

Perfectly. Surely, once you’ve passed, what they do with their money is their concern.

Original poster
Starssunmoonsky · 25/09/2023 11:28

Octavia64 · 25/09/2023 11:20

I am in a similar position, although my children are not (yet) married.

I got divorced a couple of years ago, and the U.K. system for dealing with assets in the event of a divorce seems sensible.

If there are children then the needs of the children to be housed etc are considered first.

If there are no children, then if it is a short marriage the aim is to return the couple to about where they were financially pre-marriage and then split any jointly gained assets.

If it is a long marriage (10 years plus suggested) then 50:50 would be the starting point.

I have not looked into trusts as they seem overly complicated and expensive; I may regret this some years down the line but we will see!

But if I die whilst they're married, then wouldn't that be considered a jointly gained asset?

OP posts:
MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 25/09/2023 11:29

If it's millions then yes

Few thousand....nah!

Original poster
Starssunmoonsky · 25/09/2023 11:31

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 11:26

Perfectly. Surely, once you’ve passed, what they do with their money is their concern.

I do know that. BUT, as I've said, younger people can be naive to the fact that relationships don't always last and I'd like to try and protect my DC's if I can.

Wouldn't you look after your family if you could?

OP posts:
Original poster
Starssunmoonsky · 25/09/2023 11:32

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 25/09/2023 11:29

If it's millions then yes

Few thousand....nah!

It's not millions unfortunately 😉but it's not a few thousand either

OP posts:
Flossflower · 25/09/2023 11:32

I think you are overthinking it.
Please don’t set up a will trust. Solicitors are really keen on these as they get money for setting them up and then money for sorting them out when you die.
My FIL set up a will trust and we all really wish he had not! It required an annual trust tax return for what really wasn’t a huge amount of money and could have been handled far more simply.

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 11:34

I do look after my family, which involves trusting their judgement. Our son in law is a lovely person. Honestly, your concerns have never occurred to us. We’ve left 50/50 to our children and trust their judgement as to their choices and what they then want to do with the money.

Sugarfree23 · 25/09/2023 11:35

BoohooWoohoo · 25/09/2023 09:12

Skipping your children's generation and passing it to the grandchildren might work ? There could be the situation where you don't see some of the grandchildren because of divorce but I'm assuming that you wouldn't want to punish them for their parents.

That just kicks the can down the road. How does she stop a Grandchild getting divorced and the GCinL taking half the cash

IvorTheEngineDriver · 25/09/2023 11:40

Where are you OP. The law on this is very different in England/Wales and Scotland. Whichever it is, you need proper legal advice. See a solicitor.

Original poster
Starssunmoonsky · 25/09/2023 11:43

IvorTheEngineDriver · 25/09/2023 11:40

Where are you OP. The law on this is very different in England/Wales and Scotland. Whichever it is, you need proper legal advice. See a solicitor.

I'm in England

OP posts:
IAmColdAndIHaveACold · 25/09/2023 11:43

Thisismynewusername1 · 25/09/2023 10:31

write a clause that if your kids get married they don’t inherit?

bit harsh, but probably the only way to ensure they keep their own assets.

This kind of clause in a will will generally be void for reasons of public policy.

A family trust might help, OP, although any trust that guarantees the assets aren’t owned by your children is going to be very restrictive on what they can do with them. Worth taking proper legal advice.

Ultimately I think a better approach might be to educate your children well on relationships, property rights and so on, and then trust them to make sensible decisions after you’re gone. Trying to strictly control what happens to your assets many years after you’ve died seems a route to unhappiness for you and possibly a lot of litigation for your children.

ThinWomansBrain · 25/09/2023 11:46

Are you always this controlling, or is there something about the way you've brought your children up that you don't trust them to live their own lives as responsible adults?

OlizraWiteomQua · 25/09/2023 11:47

@Starssunmoonsky I'm trying to point out that IF my DC's enter a marriage that is very short lived, then I wouldn't want their spouse to take half of their inheritance. There's nothing wrong with that..

You don't seem to have read my post because I was pointing out that IF the marriage is very short-lived the courts will already act as you would wish. You don't need to do anything different to be an extra layer of protection.

Sugarfree23 · 25/09/2023 11:48

Op may be educating your kids on what marriage really means and ask them to consider a pre-nup so that inheritances from both sides cannot be touched by the other party.

Although that becomes more difficult depending on how they spend / invest it.

littlemousebigcheese · 25/09/2023 11:50

I think it's creepy and weird to be honest. You either don't trust your children to make 'good' decisions re life partners and think the marriages will fail (in which case, the money will be pretty protected as like many others have pointed out, courts will take this into account) or you do trust them and their choices but wouldn't want your future daughter in law(s?) to benefit if something happened to cause a break up after a long period of time?

What if your children marry into very wealthy families? Would you be back, aghast that they were being told to sign pre nups, that money was ringfenced etc? How much money are you even talking about?

A friend of mine married into a very, very rich family and the way they've treated her is outrageous. The only saving grace is that a solicitor said most of the forms she's signed are worthless in the long run

Original poster
Starssunmoonsky · 25/09/2023 11:50

notlucreziaborgia · 25/09/2023 11:01

No one goes into marriage anticipating divorce, but then no one drives a car intending to crash either. Doesn’t mean you don’t wear a seatbelt and disable your airbags.

it isn’t necessary to put yourself at financial disadvantage, or at least significant risk, in the name of love.

I agree

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 25/09/2023 11:51

Op if you are in England and your children inherit while married then I think this would count as jointly gained assets but I am not a lawyer.

I have sidestepped the issue by downsizing considerably to a cheaper part of the country and gifting my children fairly substantial house deposits.

Therefore in a short marriage this would count as assets they went in with....

MaryMcCarthy · 25/09/2023 11:51

What are you going on about?

You want to know if there's a legal mechanism to keep your children's money away from gold diggers? There isn't one. And if there was it wouldn't be for you to utilise, it would be for them. Can you not just give them good advice?