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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to protect my Children's inheritance

153 replies

Starssunmoonsky · 25/09/2023 09:10

Not really an aibu, but I thought I'd post here for traffic.

I'm about to make a Will, but have no idea how I can protect my DC's inheritance from future spouses, or even if it's possible to.

I've got two DC's who are both young adults now, and my DS has just got engaged to his girlfriend. She's a great girl and I think a lot of her and hope she and my DS have a long happy future together.
However, as we all know, unfortunately sometimes marriages don't last and I wouldn't want my DC's to have to hand over half of their inheritance, especially if they end up having a short lived marriage.

I understand that they are the ones who make their own choices and decisions regarding getting married, but when they're 'young and in love' they often don't see that relationships don't always last.

Is there any way I can protect them financially do you know?

OP posts:
Ang69 · 25/09/2023 20:10

Mumofteenandtween · 25/09/2023 18:37

That only works if your dc is on their second marriage. If it is their first marriage then the Op’s grandchildren will also be the DIL’s children. Second marriages do make things more complex and I think that trusts do become more important then. But your kids are 19 and 21 - let’s not treat them like they are Henry VIII just yet!

Three things come to mind for me:-

  1. It is worth remembering that if you ask a solicitor if they think it is a good idea for you to set up a trust then what you are actually saying is “would you like lots of fees from me?” I don’t know how much a trust would be to set up but I suspect that a decent one that covers all eventualities would be “many thousands”. That is money that your children will never see.
  2. Trusts are,by nature, restrictive. There will be things that your children won’t be able to do with the money that they would have otherwise. It is a “less optimum” solution if your children do end up with happy marriages.
  3. A trust also is likely to damage relationships. Probably yours with your child (you are saying that you don’t trust their choices), definitely yours with any daughter or son in law and quite possibly your children’s with their spouses. I have a marriage similar to that of your son. We married very young and have always shared all assets completely. Money is literally the one thing that we have never argued about as we have always been completely together. If you had added a trust though - that would have changed things. For example - I was by far the main earner for the first 10 years of our marriage. (I still am now but the difference is small as I work part time.) It was never a big deal. But if dh had had a trust then I would have been very unenthusiastic about sharing my (far higher) salary with him. It would have been a very different marriage.
Show quote history

Sideways disinheritance can happen even with the 1st marriage.

Scenario - son has inherited directly from parents, is married with 2 young kids. He dies leaving everything to his wife then their kids. His wife, now a widow moves on and remarries. Remarriage in England revokes any previous Wills. She may die without making a new Will meaning her new spouse will inherit via intestacy (up until a certain amount) OR she may go on and have more children. That means that the grandparents inheritance will be split amongst children that come from another man OR she may favour her new children (have seen that happen many times sadly)

The points you raise are not true - a Will trust does not cost 'many' thousands at all. For a couple with an estate under the combined Nil Rate Bands it is around £1000.

Trusts are not restrictive unless you want them to be. It depends on how you want your beneficiaries to access the assets, who you appoint as trustees and how clear your memorandum of wishes are. The assets can be taken as needed if this is your wishes.

Your last point - you can absolutely include your sons/daughters in law IF they are with your child. The issue comes if they divorce and even then, you can stipulate that they receive. assets if not at fault. Would you really be ok for a SIL of DIL to inherit your assets if they have cheated on your child? Grandchildren can always be catered for

Ringdoodledumpling · 25/09/2023 20:50

We had a prenup that protects assets I had before I married.

GnomeDePlume · 26/09/2023 08:43

The more complicated you make your will the more frequently you are going to have to revisit it as circumstances change. Also the more stressful it can become.

I have seen this with my DM.

She has tied herself in knots trying to be fair. This has involved lots of worried calculations, complicated plans, thoughts about trusts etc etc. I have no idea what the latest iteration is. Unfortunately as she has got older the more confused the whole thing has got.

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