To consider giving up my job

[McIntire]

I was a SAHM until our DCs were old enough to stay home alone. I then went back to work (new role) about 15 years ago. I love my job but it doesn’t pay much.

Meanwhile DH’s career has escalated over the years and he’s now a high earner in a very stressful job, which he loves so doesn’t want to give up.

He’s supportive of me working but I know it has an impact on him and life is certainly easier for both of us when I’m not working.

So, AIBU to give up and focus on ‘us’ and making our lives easier until DH retires!

There’s a part of me that feels I should work.

No. You need to be paying your own pension, unless he pays one for you in your name. And I think it’s good for kids to see you working.

What would you do if you quit your job and then he unexpectedly left you? Would you be able to get another job again easily? Life changes and we all think these things won’t happen to us, but sadly they do.

I don’t have a private pension but DH has a large one and I would be entitled to a % of his if anything happened to him.

If he left me I would still be entitled to half his pension, savings and property.

Ultimately it's your choice and depends on what you can afford and what lifestyle you'd like. I prefer to have my independence financially, but I can see the attraction of not working!

That reply was to @Diymesss

How old are your children and how long till your DH is likely to retire?

Personally would never rely on a man to keep a roof over my head no matter how much he's earning. Things like can change very quickly, I've seen the happiest of relationships turn sour. Enjoy the luxury of being a high income family whilst also knowing you could save yourself if you ever needed to.

All independent adults and he will retire in 5-7 years.

Tbh. He keeps a roof over my head anyway

If you love your job, do you think you might eventually feel somewhat resentful that you gave it up?

I agree with the view that I would never completely rely on a partner financially, I’d always keep my hand in and work.

Possibly. I would miss work but I’m always active and never bored! I also have young GC so could spend more time with them, help out etc

What would be the benefit to him, and to you, of you giving up work?

Yes you would (hopefully) - is that enough to live on? If yes then maybe go for it, if you want to! When my ex left I got that too - but it doesn’t cover my living costs.

I’m in a minimum wage job with no entitlements etc but I get what people say on here about being careful etc, when I left work when the kids were young I lost so much because I didn’t sign on (Am in Ireland and back then I had no idea you needed to for stamps). I basically couldn’t get a letter saying I even existed for months because revenue and welfare argued over who would write it! Saying that, if it’s in your head, and your mind is set and your dh is totally on board, I can see your side of it- I’d have no savings or pension because I’m retail now and if anything happened I’d just figure it out, find a way to find a job or live off what I could until I did.

Assuming you would be ok financially in the event of death/divorce:

The question is whether your enjoyment from your job, outweighs the additional amount you would enjoy life if you weren’t working. So add up the benefit of having eg more time for hobbies, to exercise, to take care of domestic stuff while DH is at work so it’s done with when he’s home, etc. Do you get enough enjoyment from the job to outweigh those benefits? There’s no right or wrong answer here.

Remember also that while it might be nice to have a break from work and have an easier life for a while, you might get bored of it/miss work. Would you be able to go back to your loved job if so? If not, are you confident you won’t regret giving it up?

So you worked for 15 years, but didn’t pay into a pension? I’d concentrate on building your own pension up. You can’t rely on your DH’s pension. My friend lost her DH and his pension didn’t pay out to her. It’s risky.

I would stay in work. Your children will soon be old enough to be self sufficient and it makes you a more rounded person.

Yeah I don’t understand why you working impacts on your relationship so much?! Surely you want some independence - feels a bit like you just want to give up work and want everyone to agree with you.

Time for me
Time for him
I could do all the things that need doing to enable us to have evenings and weekends free.
More time for GC

I would quit.
I would help with the grandchildren. I don't think you would ever regret doing that.
Time really is so precious.

God, I’d quit work in a heartbeat if someone else was willing to pay my way (and I was confident of financial security in retirement). I know that’s not a popular view on MN but I work to live, not live to work, and am more than capable of giving my life meaning without having to sell my time and labour.

You've seemingly made your mind up. If you want to live your life dependent on your husband and think you'd be happier that's your decision and the opinions of other people are irrelevant.

I'd quit too. You sound like you're in a secure relationship with precious grandchildren to dote on. do it before health issues take over. You get one life xxx