To consider giving up my job

[McIntire]

I was a SAHM until our DCs were old enough to stay home alone. I then went back to work (new role) about 15 years ago. I love my job but it doesn’t pay much.

Meanwhile DH’s career has escalated over the years and he’s now a high earner in a very stressful job, which he loves so doesn’t want to give up.

He’s supportive of me working but I know it has an impact on him and life is certainly easier for both of us when I’m not working.

So, AIBU to give up and focus on ‘us’ and making our lives easier until DH retires!

There’s a part of me that feels I should work.

To me that sounds like you would be doing all the housework and chores etc to allow time for you as a couple when he is not working. If that works for you, then go for it.

It wouldn’t be what I would choose, especially not giving up a job I loved for doing chores. I get a lot of satisfaction from doing my job, a sense of purpose and achievement that I just wouldn’t get from other parts of my life. But that’s just me - I’m one of those people who would keep working even if I won the lottery, and I know that’s not a commonly shared trait!

If I wanted to do that I would

I’m after thoughts and opinions so I can make an informed decision.

That’s great and exactly the sort of response I’m after. Advantages and disadvantages.

I really wouldn’t just be doing chores.

Tbh. I would need to retrain for a week if I stopped working for 2 years but I’m sure they would take me back if I changed my mind or needed to work again for whatever reason.

Would your work allow you to drop a day or two?

If so it might be better for you to do that than give up work altogether.

That way if the worst came to the worst it would probably be far easier for you to go back up to full time than get a new job from scratch

I think it's reasonable to quit. You sound comfortable and secure. Good luck with whatever you choose to do!

Op why don’t you reduce your working days to one or two days per week?
It doesn’t seem like there’s any need to work full time, but that way you still have a bit of independence.

I don’t work full time anyway.
It’s a zero hours contract job but I have to commit to those hours a few months ahead. Then stuff happens and DH is left to deal with it, or I get the opportunity to travel with him and can’t, DCs need help with GC etc.

It would make life easier for everyone if I was more available.

We are financially stable

Am I the only one confused here?
Grown up children, just the two of you, what exactly is so difficult about your life that you need to give up work completely?

'Stuff happens'..? What stuff?

Do you really want to give up on work for your GC?

Look, there's no reason to work if you don't 'need' to but your finances need to be rock solid. And you need to make sure that it works for you. not that you're running around being everyone's dogsbody. Quitting because your grandchildren is a bit extreme IMO they're not your responsibility and I hope your kids appreciate the sacrifice... but if that's what you want and can afford go right ahead.

Just don't do it because it would make 'life easier for everyone EXCEPT you.

Do you want to give up work?

Not would it be easier for everyone else, but do you want to?

If you want to, and you are financially secure and you think it's possible then go for it.

But if you are just doing it because it would make everyone else's life easier but you don't want to then don't. It would by the sounds of things make your life easier if your children had childcare and your DH had a job that facilitated your household better. So it sounds like no one else is putting you first so you need to put you first, whether that makes everyone else's life easier or not.

Elderly parents needing help and hospital appointments. We’re also having lots of work done on the house so workman in and out.

I do get what you’re saying about GC.

It would make life easier for everyone, including me.

As a SAHM, I would be hypocritical to say anything other than "go for it"!

I know some people on here seem to plan their entire life around an eventual divorce or life-changing catastrophic accident, but that's not the way I chose to live my own life.

Just don't do it because it would make 'life easier for everyone EXCEPT you.

Spot on,
that is the only advice you really need!

What impact does you working have on him?

I wouldn't quit, I think it's always a good idea to have at least some financial indepence and you also enjoy your job. What you enjoy matters too.

But if you are just doing it because it would make everyone else's life easier but you don't want to then don't. It would by the sounds of things make your life easier if your children had childcare and your DH had a job that facilitated your household better. So it sounds like no one else is putting you first so you need to put you first, whether that makes everyone else's life easier or not.

All good points thank you
In fairness to them, my DCs do have childcare in place but you know, kids get sick and can’t go.
DH’s job is non negotiable, he always prioritises family and facilitates the household. I just don’t think it’s fair, when he provides so well for us, that he should then have any added stress.
Neither of us are getting any younger!

As you're close to retirement age anyway and obviously have a lot of things going on...then go for it!

There are obviously pros and cons to these decisions, but others have pointed those out. If I could afford to later down the line, then I would! And worse case scenario, I'm sure you'd find something again if you needed to!

but you know, kids get sick and can’t go.

This is not your problem unless you want it to be. If you want it to be then fantastic, but if you don't then don't give up work to facilitate it.

DH’s job is non negotiable

Yours is allowed to be too if you want it to be

I just don’t think it’s fair, when he provides so well for us, that he should then have any added stress.

You appear to be providing a lot of unpaid labour for the whole family. Who is making sure you don't have any added stress?

I wonder if you don't want to give up work but are feeling forced into it through caring needs at both ends (elderly parents and grandchildren)

He can often get time off at short notice and we could go away, except I’m working. Ditto business trips.

He needs to reschedule appointments to help
his DM (whom I love dearly)

WFH because workman are coming in when he really should be in the office (as well as deal with the subsequent noise whilst on Teams meetings)

So will you have to ask him for 'spending ' money ?

You appear to be providing a lot of unpaid labour for the whole family. Who is making sure you don't have any added stress?

I think the key thing here is that I don’t see it as unpaid labour, I love and want to do it, and I also love my job, hence why I’m here getting confused and going round in circles 😂

I’m not stressed. DH is stressed and noticeably more so when I’m working. Just to make it clear though, he is fully supportive of me working and hasn’t asked me to quit

Her children are adults.

Compromise, go part time?

Is it possible to do the same/similar job that you love but only say Wed-Fri so you know you have free days?

I don't think stopping paid work is an issue (Assuming that you have the finances worked out which you do) but I think giving up something you love is.

We have a joint account so everything just comes out of that anyway. We fortunately have no money worries:

That all just seems part of life to me. Especially since I'm assuming those examples aren't a daily occurence, I hope he isn't acting all 'stressed' knowing that you will quit your job.

Wouldn't he also want to be the one to help his DM?